Southern Charm has been blissfully, Patti-free for the past couple of weeks as the rest of the cast sits around talking about their deep hatred for a twenty something pregnant girl. This week the elderly yankee woman will entertain a group of men who are clearly not southern gentleman, and they will call into question the paternity of one of the invited guest’s newborn child. I cannot for the life of me comprehend a group of adult males being led in conversation by an old woman of questionable relationships in her past, regarding the paternity of someone’s newborn child. But that is what we are about to witness. This behavior is neither southern, nor charming in the least.
When all the bloggers start posting that this Akim guy was never Craig’s boss and that the entire storyline of Craig’s job last season was bogus, you would think that production would not go back there and just forge ahead with the bogus story of his new girlfriend, Naomie. But you would be wrong.
Across town, Shep meets with his artist (not exactly) girlfriend for lunch. She dumps him.
Cameran goes to her mother’s house to discuss her storyline this season. She has no maternal instincts. Her mother tells her if she doesn’t want to have kids, she doesn’t have to have any. Later we see Shep being a goofball on a showing with Cameran. More scripted nonsense. But at least it is humorous. I hate that red mulch outside the listing. Cameran fires Shep. That’s two dumpings of Shep in one episode for those who are playing along at home.
Kathryn and Thomas bring the baby home from the hospital. He is so tiny! They are calling him Julien. I thought they settled on Saint. Personally, I think they should just call him J.R. and spare him the schoolyard tauntings. He is so tiny! Kathryn is very tiny as well in her talking heads. The baby seems to have taken to breast feeding right way. Thomas and Kathryn are getting along well. She is already asking for a ring. Thomas talks about Snowden being a bad influence on Kathryn. He doesn’t seem to realize all of the toxic influences he surrounds himself with.
JD and Shep are having a little celebration for Thomas at a bar. I was wondering who the woman with the ponytail was and then I realized it’s the porn guy from Thomas’ kitchen! Where is Whitney? Would two of Thomas’ paramours be one to many for this seedy event? Thomas announces that his boy will not be circumcised. I am probably in the minority on this issue but I agree with Thomas.
Shep and Whitney meet for drinks. Whitney tries to give Shep advice on women. I’ll spare you the bullshittery. Later Shep drops in on Landon. Apparently, Shep needs to film with all the low lives this week. I hate that I can’t take a single scene seriously this season. It’s so frustrating to watch them ruin what could have been a great show. Landon sort of professes her undying love for Shep. So he bolts. She goes to see the NYC guy who she presented her dumb idea to a few episodes ago. He is magically in Charleston, a few doors down and she hoofs it on over to his place to make a second ridiculous presentation.
Patti’s Dinner Party
Along with Thomas, the guests include Whitney, Shep, JD, Craig and Tommy Bennet the real estate agent who sold Patti her house. He’s, well quite the character. The first thing I notice is that the silverware is not properly placed. Did this guy really got to butler school or is he a random character actor?
Tommy was called in to lead a character assignation of K. Cooper Ray. Because Patti is almost as jealous of K. Cooper Ray as she is of Kathryn. Tommy says that the Founder’s Ball is “made up bullshit.” When actually it was a production storyline for K. Cooper Ray. It was clearly referred to as the “FIRST ANNUAL Founders Ball.” And when it happened Patti just ADORED the entire event and was on camera saying as much. But now that KCR will not ostracize his pregnant friend, it’s suddenly “bullshit.” She has to know that the ball was an event by Bravo just like any other “bullshit” events on the housewives franchises. She is foolish to think that besmirching KCR is going to help her standing with the fans of the show.
Craig from Delaware says that Founder’s Day is not a real holiday. In fact it is. Every year on the second weekend of April there are Founders Day Celebrations, reenactments and the occasional parade to celebrate the founding of Charleston in 1670. Having a Founders Day Ball fits right into the celebration. Of course the yankees are not expected to know this. But Thomas should. Is he still in the bathroom? With Thomas in the bathroom, there is not one single person from Charleston at this table. Shep is at least from South Carolina (Hilton Head).
Dinner conversation turns to Landon and her newly professed love of Shep. Patti thinks Landon is just lovely. Because of course she does.
After dinner, they have a drink in the sitting room. Thomas says nice things about Kathryn. JD asks if he is going to have one of those “paternal tests” on the boy child. Thomas lies and says the first paternity test was inconclusive. Inconclusive is not a possible outcome of a paternity test.
Craig from Delaware has been brought back under control of the darkside and now claims to know who Kathryn was dating when he was back home with his parents at the time of the babies conception. He says he doesn’t think the kid is Thomas’. Patti says it wouldn’t be the first time that Kathryn has lied.
Next Week: It’s the dinner party where Thomas goes off on all the assholes and vengeance is finally had. I can’t wait to see Landon and Cameran and Whitney get what is coming to them.