Right now some dudes in California are plundering around in my site because, we’re all moving to California! I am getting off the crappy hosting site that is Blue Host and moving on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky with Page.ly. Once I get settled in I am going to have to fix the crappy template. So I am writing this on Google Docs in hopes that I can put it up when I am done. I don’t think we will officially be California residents until probably tomorrow or Friday. I’m quite errrr…hefty to move.
I am thrilled to be back in NYC with the RHONY tonight though. This is my favorite housewives franchise that is currently airing. I can’t wait to see Bethenny set Sonja straight because she needs a good dose of reality.
Dorinda and Jules are shopping in a bizarre home goods store in the city where boobs and pills seem to be the primary thematic choices. There is some sort of gift exchange party where they all had to draw names and buy gifts. I believe it is near Christmas. I thought the Berkshires party was in October around Halloween. Jules missed the entire thing at John’s party because when shit starts to go down, she “protects her facial and runs for the hills.” Does she wear a retainer her speech is all hissy. Dorinda is done with Ramona. Dorinda is wearing a loud pink dress in her talking head. I think it looks lovely on her. Not a fan of the earrings with that dress though.
Dorinda says “Maybe Ramona wants to sleep with John. Maybe I should just let that happen. And then everyone will be happy. She has like a total hard-on for John.
Bethenny is having a secret Santa party. So far we know that Dorinda got Bethenny and Jules got Ramona. It’s a caviar party and the caviar girl really does look like Elsa from Frozen. Bethenny is not amused. She tells two of the girls to make her change.
Carole arrives with the little blue box from Tiffany’s! I hope she draws my name! However, this is a regift because at Christmas time the white ribbon changes to red. I have been extremely fortunate to have experience in receiving such things. Not bad for a fat chick in the ghetto.
Anyway a couple of Bethenny’s actual friends are there and Carole and Bethenny immediately tell them about Jules and how she always brings up that she’s Asian.
Ramona waltzes in with a bottle of her Pinot Grigio and asks for three glasses, a spicy margarita, water, and a glass of wine because she has a story to tell them that they will not believe. Oh, it’s the story about how she got wasted and embarrassed herself and ruined John’s party. But in her version she was chit-chatting with Sonja and this tall gentleman came up that she had previously met with Luann. Then out of the blue John comes up and tells the guy he has to leave. She has no idea why he was asked to leave. Then suddenly John was putting his hands in her face and she was scared because it felt very invasive. Then Dorinda came up and she was mad at Ramona!
Jules says, “I have another version of the story.” But before she can get her version out Dorinda walks in and Bethenny jumps up to be a good hostess. Ramona keeps trying to tell at least Carole that there is a whole other side to the story and Ramona keeps saying no, to hush her because Dorinda is walking in. Dorinda orders Prosecco. It sounds like Skinnygirl already has Prosecco and if so that makes her even more likely to win the trademark war.
Dorinda is a bit frazzled and Bethenny takes her aside and they sit on a couch and Dorinda says she has had anxiety all day about coming to the party. She blames Ramona’s crappy friendship for releasing her inner sadness about Richard’s death. At first I don’t see the correlation but as I am typing I do understand. Dorinda has trusted Ramona for years and she felt safe in their friendship and now it seems Ramona has abused and abandoned the friendship and I could see how that would cause the scab on old betrayals ( or death) to seep open. Also it is the holidays, and that is a rough time when you have a loved one that has passed. Four years is not a lot of time to grieve a husband.
Meanwhile, Ramona has shoveled about $200 worth of caviar on her plate.
Dorinda is having a Christmas party in the Berkshires and she has decided not to invite Sonja. Carole says she would rather not sleep under the same roof as Luann. So I guess that Luann and Sonja, (see below) are not invited to Bethenny’s. This makes sense because those two were the ones making the biggest stink about Bethenny’s contract being so much better than what they were offered and holding out for more money. Bethenny did invite Luann to her fall party in The Hamptons though.
Once again Carole does not know what moving on means. She says it means taking responsibility for your actions. And by “you” she means not her, but the other person. That is not what moving on means, it means leaving an issue that is unlikely to be resolved in the past and not bringing up how offended you are at every social event until the end of time. It means, put a period and MOVE THE FUCK ON, CAROLE. In her talking head,Carole points out that Ramona has been very rude to Dorinda about John and they have a long friendship and this could end their friendship and “that would be sad losing a friendship over some guy.” Hmmmmm sounds exactly like the situation with you and Luann, no?
Luann and Sonja
I’m not sure if these two are predrinking or if they were not invited to the party, but they are at a bar, and when Sonja is offered a vodka martini, because apparently she’s a regular, Luann nixes it and they both get a glass of rose. Sonja in her talking head says that even though Luann is staying with her, she never sees her because it is like musical chairs with her and the four guys.
The topic turns to Rey and Luann says she dated him a couple of times and realized he was not for her and so for the past few months he has been texting her. The real tea is, that as someone on the show mentioned last week, maybe it was Ramona, that Luann met this Rey character at party a year before this was filmed and they went to Ibiza and had a falling out on the way to Cannes. The real story as I have since heard it is that the party that Luann met Rey at was the Upfronts. That was the year that Sonja hooked up with Paul Nassif after the upfronts. Luann cops to dating him twice and oh yeah, going to Ibiza, and kind of dating him again when she gets back to New York.
Now we have dueling stories about the incident at John’s party. Luann left before things got crazy but Sonja says that Ramona was being erratic. Luann says Ramona has always been one to throw the stone at the glass house. Looks like they are not going to take up for Ramona when it comes to disrupting John’s party.
Later, back home at Grey Gardens, it’s December, and Sonja can’t afford to run the heat. Can’t Luann pay something toward the heating bill while she is there? Luann discovers that they are in The Post. Do you know why Luann discovers it? Because she was the source. Allegedly. I mean the story reads almost word for word how Luann described it last episode. Sonja does the chicken dance when Luann gets to her name. They were both thrilled to have their names in The Post despite the uncouth nature of the story. #MediaWhores Then they go back to talking about sex. Luann says her man doesn’t need Viagra unless he slips it in the bathroom without telling her. Resident Viagra experts says, “ No, You would know. It’s up all the time. Like a sun dial.” Oh Sonja, at least you are funny at times.
Dorinda meets Sonja on the streets and they go for a walk and have a seat on a bench to chat. Sonja talks about how hot and cold Ramona is running with her lately and gives as part of an example of a mean thing she said that no one invites her to parties anymore because she is embarrassing. Which is uncomfortable, because Dorinda is there to tell her she is not invited to the Berkshires. This will not go well. Wow, Dorinda is good. She says she is inviting the girls up to her house but she doesn’t think it is healthy for Sonja to be around all that, so she would love to come up the following day, just the two of them to hang out. Bravo! This solves the Bethenny won’t film with Sonja issue and keeps Sonja from ruining her event. In her talking head, Sonja rightly points out that Ramona is the one who ruins all of her events and she gets to go to the party. Aw. Poor Sonja. I do feel bad for her in this instance. But you really don’t want to piss off Bethenny. I have a feeling Dorinda had a conversation with her before this scene was filmed.
Luann’s Dinner Party
Luann has a dinner party to introduce Tom to some of her friends. The only RHONY who are there are Dorinda and Jules because Luann just wants to introduce him to those who she knows will be supportive. Two scenes about Luann said that Dorinda introduced her to Tom let’s see if that stays true throughout this dinner. Tom and Luann talk about how they met. John inserts some gross joke that flops. Everyone acts like adults and has a good time so it’s a short scene.
Dorinda’s Party in The Berks
Dorinda loves Christmas and seems really excited for this weekend. Ramona arrives very early ready to be fed, so while Dorinda plays the good hostess role, Ramona’s dog poops on the very expensive looking rug in the foyer. Ramona should never eat on TV until she learns how to chew like a civilized human being. Dorinda has to clean up all the dog poop, because?
When Luann and Jules arrive the four ladies argue about Sonja not being invited. Ramona says that Sonja needs to work on herself and get her head on straight. Luann was right about that stone throwing. Bethenny arrives and says Sonja is blowing up her phone. Then Bethenny blows up Luann for dating Ramona’s old flame. Bethenny is really poking at Luann. Is she trying to get her to leave before Carole shows up?
Next week: Dorinda’s part goes to shit. Dorinda put a lot of work into this party only to have Ramona bring her shitting dog, Bethenny to abuse the hell out of Luann, Ramona to come for Luann for dating Tom. And someone has a weird vaginal procedure.