Sorry for the downtime tonight, my lovely hosting site, BlueHost. and I have been in chat for about an hour. Their infinite wisdom said that I had an extremely high volume of views tonight and the server just could not handle it. While my posts today were exemplary, now that I am magically back in after their support team told me there was nothing they could do. I checked my stats and they are not up to where they were yesterday let alone out of the ordinary. So I am livid and about an hour late getting started. I will get on RHOD as soon as I can assuming this post ever shows up and the server doesn’t crash again.
We return to the cabin where Whitney is having a conniption fit because Craig said the reason he hates Kathryn is because he has feeling for her. We’ll Craig, you are close, Whitney hates Kathryn because she would not be his beard in season one, probably after she agreed to and realized the creepiness factor of living with you and Patti. I can see how frustrating it must be for you now to be accused of having feeling for her though.
Whitney’s big comeback to Craig’s accusation? “I slept with her WAY before Thomas.” He is denying the time span Craig offered of five days. I think Whitney seems to be denying Kathryn living with him for a few days. Craig says he is telling the truth and he is doing it as payback for Whitney being a cunt when he visited Craig in CT with his parents.
Whitney stomps off calling Craig a “cocksucker.” /giggles Cameran is being a little suckup to Whitney. Cameran is so desperate to hang around that gin soaked elderly woman that looks like she smells of dusting powder and Ben Gay, that she will even sidle up to Whitney. Danni stands up for Kathryn as well. Elizabeth is sitting by JD (who defended Whitney) and seems like she wants to say something. Danni says that Thomas is just as much if not more irrational than Kathryn and he gets a pass while Kathryn get ostracized.
Somehow, Cameran forces Craig to give a half-hearted apology “for upsetting him.” Oh Craig, man up! Craig says he still believes it and Cameran decides to cut off Craig. Because, suck up. Speaking of cunts, Naomie goes in on Craig too. At least I think that is Naomie. It’s clear she is only hanging with Craig to be on TV. So she gets on TV and can’t even play her fucking role?
The next morning the Triumvirate of Evil (Whitney, Cameran & Landon) wake up still mad. They hate #NewCraig now with all their peepee. Cameran and Whitney take off in their creepmobile.
Shep is actually mad at Craig.
Meanwhile, the nanny that Thomas hired is brushing the girl child’s hair as Kathryn coos over her baby girl. Kathryn calls Thomas to tell him that they have moved her inducement day up three weeks due to her high blood pressure. Everything is okay they just want her to have the baby as a C-section and not risk an early natural labor. Thomas says he needs to hurry up and come over to put together the changing table. I do so love the editing when they show “Thomas” assembling things. Kenzie is adorable and actually Facetimes Thomas. #Precious
Patti makes sure to ring a bell so we see her butler. LOL. Someone told me they knocked on the door of Chez Patti (please don’t do that! It’s stalkerish and can get you arrested!) and they were surprised when not one answered, not even “the butler.” Um, the butler is a cast member who is only there during filming season. Allegedly. In my opinion. But please sue me anyway. Whitney has rented a jack shack, or perhaps a doff loft in this case for a bit of privacy and Patti drops by to see how things are going. It’s ultra staged and doesn’t look like he lives there at all. We have previously seen the squalor of his room at his mother’s house. This is probably rented for the shoot. Patti asks about the NC trip and he doesn’t want to talk about it. In her talking head, Patti proclaims “Southern WASPs don’t talk about our feelings!” BWAHAHAHAHAH! Dear Lord. I can’t with this one.
Whitney launches into a laughable storyline about how he is going to see “Larissa” his “girlfriend” in LA. I’m guessing that he is going to his home, in Weho to spend some time on Grindr. He promises to try to bring Larissa back with him. I’m sure she wants some air time. Oh wait, now this is a trip with cameras. I don’t believe that. He says he is taking Shep and Thomas but can’t take Craig because “he only has two bedrooms.” heh. One for Shep and let’s guess where he wants Thomas to sleep…. This is a ruse for Whitney to have some boys time in Weho.
Patti, who is supposed to be pretending she doesn’t know about the NC scenes starts talking about how Craig is JD’s bitch and these two just laugh and laugh. It’s disturbing.
In case you missed it, I discovered the reason for the ugly Plexiglas crib and posted it in comments here. Basically it is a super expensive crib that Beyoncé has for Blue Ivy. Sigh. Don’t judge. She barely in her 20’s. I bring this up because Thomas apparently went to Target to get the changing table to assemble and now Kathryn is MIA and the nanny says she left because she is mad at Thomas. Totally fake scripted nonsense. Kathryn would never let Thomas got to TARGET to pick up some generic changing table that the poors use for their unfortunate children. I am quite sure she has some sort of changing table in mind like those Asian toilets that wash your butt, dry it and powder it before it flushes itself and sends ot a mist of lilac scented air freshener. Therefore I cannot buy into any of this bullshit.
The fake storyline is that she is pissed that Thomas is going to LA with Whitney because the baby is due in a week. Thomas would never do that anyway. Not just for the baby but because he is a grown man with things to do and chicks to fuck in Charleston and he has no need to three thousand miles away with Whitney on a boys trip. For that matter, Shep is not going to go to LA either. I can’t wait to see his fake excuse for the “boys trip” that would never happen anyway.
Sidenote: I would kill small children and cook them over an open fire for that stack Charleston art in Thomas’ room that has not been hung yet. Especially, if that house was thrown in. Dear God in heaven that is a gorgeous piece of property. Oh wait, the children are all going to live. It looks like only the front one is drawing of a local church, and the largest one cover up seems to be a photograph and I promise I am not kidding there is some sort of caption on the top and can sort of make out the word….. wait for it…. RETARDED. That was amusing enough to knock my anger down to a 6 from eleventy billion. Someone get me a screen shot of that stack of pictures at the :27 mark. Anyway, the nanny agrees with Kathryn. They are ganging up on him! Maybe he will listen to the nanny. What am I saying, of course he will this Whitney Circle Jerk weekend was never a real thing. Bless his creepy heart.
I can’t deal with this chick in the role of Craig’s girlfriend. Cleary, Whitney recommended her. Naomie tells Craig he shouldn’t talk about the Whitney issue any longer.
More staged housing by Whitney. He is in LA and I cannot wait for my LA..
ga… friends from WeHo to tell me whose house this is. This is fucking hysterical.
Thomas of course calls to cancel. Whitney is despondant of course. In his talking head he admits that his problem with Kathryn is that she affected his “relationship with Thomas.” The first truthful thing he has said all season.
Whitney calls Shep so he can deliver his lines. Let’s see what his excuse is. Shep was told that Thomas could not come, and yet he says “I don’t want to be a third wheel” and he asks to bring Craig, which makes no sense. I mean other than not wanting to sleep alone in a house with Whitney. Whitney says he wants to think about it.
I’m just going to gloss over where Craig meets Cameran because it punched me in the gut all these years later. Cameran orders the grilled cheese and Cheetos. Cameran is a cunt this season.
Thomas has a florist send Kathryn “a bouquet of flowers” for a bit a screen time. They were incredibly underwhelming. Perhaps I am too judgey because I am the person in charge of sending flowers for my family and had to do it again this weekend, and because my gay husband sends flowers that will bring you to your knees they are so beautiful. This is some half-assed FTD shit. Sorry. I’m a flower junkie. Kathryn probably is too. I have been admitting her two orchid pots the entire episode.
Craig stops by to talk to Kathryn and fill her in on the NC trip. Craig fails to mention that Danni stood up for her. He basically says no one wants anything to do with her. He tried to help her and now he wants to mend fences for his own safety in the group. Oh Craig, I just can’t with you dude. You really need to grow up and refuse to follow every storyline. Kathryn says that the truth will out eventually. And um for the viewers that happened last week when we saw some unaired footage. It was made abundantly clear by production that Kathryn told the truth about staying in Patti’s crypt.
Meanwhile back in Whitney’s fake house, Larissa arrives. She is sexually fluid, allegedly so we here, please sue me, and is also an actress in her homeland. She goes all out in her girlfriend role and Whitney can barely tolerate being kissed by a beautiful woman.
Whitney get the flowers right with the orchid; however, the orchid is a high maintenance plant that she could never keep alive and he couldn’t either. And I couldn’t either. Way too much trouble. Whitney’s first move is to “start her a bath.” He has no idea how heterosexual relationships work. As soon as she is done bathing he is cooking her dinner, stir fry. There is an extremely douche worthy song for Larissa that he plays on the guitar. If you can call that playing. Or singing.
Craig meets Shep at his bar which is adorable and I am so sad it burned down before I got to visit. Shep says that the blowup with Whitney at his cabin put a dent in their relationship. Craig says he thinks it ruined his shot at the LA trip (that never was). Shep tells Craig that he went to bat for him and got him invited to LA.
Side note: does this place Whitney is in not look to be the same place he was in when he first arrived to you?
For a twenty dollar arrangement of FTD flowers, we are expected to believe that all is well with Kathryn and Thomas and he arrives with a Target changing table NTTAWWTCT. Kenzie does not react well to Thomas coming over so the nanny suddenly opts to take her to the park.
Actually, Thomas opens a Delta changing table readily available at your local Target for $90 -$110. Considering they blurred out the Co-Cola label when Cameran and Craig were at the Drugstore eating Cheetos (also sponsored) this is a free item for Kathryn. Kathryn plants seeds about Whitney. Thomas says the guys trip was to “celebrate the birth of his child.” This is the worst script ever.
Next Week: Much to my surprise, Shep and Craig do go to LA. Will the loving girlfriend still be there? Doubt it. Landon admits she wants to be with Shep. Or Thomas. Or whoever will financially support her. The three dudes in LA get drunk with some models (female). JD calls Shep wanting to know where Craig is. Is it already time for Shep to get fake fired from his fake job this season? JD is a dickhead who says that Thomas needs a paternity test. And Kathryn has the baby.
P.S. I will do RHOD ASAP tomorrow. I just can’t tonight. It’s been a rough one.