Hey y’all! I feel like we are all on a sinking ship with my hosting service and this whole place could go POOF! at any moment. I am going to be spending a lot of time working on another move, but I’ll be blogging as much as I can in between talks with support teams. UGH.
Moving on, we are halfway through this short little season of Real Housewives of Dallas and I am taking over the recaps so they might be a bit different from the ones you are used to. Let’s see what these gals are up to.
Tiffany and Leeanne are meeting with Heidi who is the queen of all charities or some such for lunch. Heidi is dressed like a gansta rapper in a giant gold chain and an oversized black tee with some sort of gold lettering for reasons that are not clear. Heidi proceeds to give them both Hermes shopping bags but inside the bag in not a beautiful Hermes scarf but a black t-shirt that says #SkanksOfDallas I am not making this up. Apparently, it is some high honor to be called a skank by Heidi. These lovely ladies soon turn they conversation from “who can hold the best charity event” to slandering Cary and trash talking Brandi and Stephanie. Such lovely people these three are.
We get to see Mark do a surgery while chatting with Cary. Who agrees to have their boob job, or whatever recorded for reality tea. Do we really want to see how nonchalantly the surgical team is while you are laying there unconscious? It make me think of Joan Rivers. By the way that doctor just lost a huge amount of money to Joan’t estate for malpractice. It is Cary and Mark’s anniversary so we have to endure some sex talk which I will spare you. It’s interesting editing though. First this Heidi creature says that Cary got her husband by giving blowjobs under the desk and now we listen to Mark negotiation his anniversary blowjob and sexcapades for later in the evening.
Later that night, Mark’s personal shopper from Roberto Cavalli arrives with a very expensive evening gown. Mark says it cost him more than his first car. Cary gave him a card. She really is the husband.
Brandi’s little brother Michael is suffering from PTSD and tried to kill himself. This is such a sad reflection on our country. It makes me angry and sad. Of course Brandi’s jackhole of a husband is off somewhere with strippers. Allegedly. So the streets say. When I heard that it made total sense why he was so pissed about Brandi going to a strip club. He knows what he does at a strip club and uses that to assume she would do the same.
Brian goes to meet Bryan in an empty bar to talk. Clearly these two are separated. I don’t think he has lived in that house for quite some time. He asks how things are going with her brother as if they have not spoken at all. This is so sad. Brandi tries again to say that she feels alone. He seems more open to owning up to that sort of apologizes and says he will make more of an effort.
Tiffany’s House of Blues Event
Tiffany tries to reign Leeanne in while they are out pretending to shop for something to wear to House of Blues. She tells Leeanne about Brandi’s brother hoping to melt her cold black heart just enough to get her to be civil at her charity function. I predict Leeanne will use it to hurt Brandi. Leeanne agrees to call Stephanie and apologize for her behavior at the event preceding her maniacal rant in the middle of downtown Dallas punching streetcars. Apparently, Stephanie is the only one she feels deserves an apology, not Cary or Brandi.
Leeanne meets Stephanie for lunch and gives her an apology that is more of an excuse than an apology because she launches into a whole long story about her terrible childhood. It seems very hard for some people to just apologize with no excuses. Leeanne goes on and on and on about how pretty she is, and how many burdens she has, and her charity speeches she has done. And God knows what else. I stopped listening.
Tiffany and Aaron both get new ‘dos for the event. Tiffany gets a giant faux hawk. I wish they had some real Dallas women on this show with the appropriate big hair that brings them closer to God. But alas, this faux hawk may be a close as we get. HA! Just as soon as I typed that and hit play, Tiffany made the higher the hair the closer to God comment. JINX!
Heidi meets the girls and invites them to a Gothic State Fair Dinner Party at her house. She also says she wishes she could do all of their makeup because that is her thing. I am assuming she means gothic makeup, or something the band KISS might have worn back in the day. Cary says something about how Heidi is sixty and she is at the age where she can just let it all go and kind of bumps Heidi as she walks off.
Later, Aaron sings a sad song about family and dedicates it to Brandi’s brother. This was a very nice charity event and we learned that Leeanne can mostly behave. Sure she pulled some faces at Cary but other than that she seemed almost human. I think she will move on to Cary as her target since beating up on Brandi at the moment would make her look bad. Or I should say, worse.
Heidi’s Gothic State Fair Dinner Party
Leeanne dons her chain mail and applies her pink war paint to prepare for the dinner party while talking to her hot, seemingly sane boyfriend. She informs him that she is basically going to the party prepared to war with Cary. See? I knew it! Her boyfriend says he like Cary and that she should not believe the gossip about how Cary landed her husband. Then we get a talking head where Leeanne says she has made up with Stephanie and Brandi is an injured bird and not fun to mess with at the moment so Cary is her only option for dramatics in front of the camera. But she tells her man that she is going to work on being a better Christian and a better human. “BAM” say the hot guy. Never going to happen says me
Cary is getting ready with her friend Courtney and he makeup guy makes fun of Leeanne’s blush. I love him already. We need more LB.
Leeanne arrives first and is estatic to see the corn dogs on the George Foreman, because she’s a carny ya’ll. She starts a talking head with “Growing up I was that person you hated…” and I say to my TV, “You still are.”
Marie is at the party and I would like to state for the record that I loved her headband last week. I just think it looked odd on TV. I would wear it. Send it to me, Marie! Now Brandi’s giant rose in her hair on the other hand is reminiscent of that baby shower or whatever it wad where Phaedra put a dozen white rose boutonnieres in her weave and pranced around. At least Brandi is at a ghetto goth party in costume as a “dead rose girl.”
Cary and Courtney have the latest call time on the sheet and arrive to a room full of cold shoulders. Let the scripted fight begin. Heidi’s script is to hate on Cary right away so that Leeanne will have someone to shit talk with. Cary is some sort of a yankee who does not partake in the Frito pie so maybe she deserves what is coming. Who the hell doesn’t like Frito Pie? Last night on Southern Charm there was Cheeto placement and now this. Frito-Lay has wisely jumped into the reality advertising.
Heidi goes up to Cary who was reluctantly nibbling a corn dog, the only option to Frito pie, and when Brandi follows her blocking says to her, “Cary was about to give us a demonstration on her corn dog.” Because that his how hostesses behave in Dallas. Oh wait. No, no it is not. This party is a disaster. Leeanne tells us that Heidi is friends with Mark’s ex-wife and that is why she is being such a bitch. I don’t believe that for a minute. If that were the case she would have never invited her to her home. Leeanne has totally put Heidi up to this and so far it is backfiring because Cary is not giving them the response they are trying to get. Cary and Courtney make a polite retreat. Good Christian Leeanne calls her a skank. But apparently not in the good way. And we have come full skanky circle.
Next Week: Stephanie jumps out of a giant cake for her husband Travis’ birthday. One of Cary and Mark’s kids also turns three. Mark disparages the cake Cary bought in front of the birthday girl. Leeanne gives yet another speech about herself. Brandi and Leeanne attempt a reconciliation and Stephanie and Travis have a talk about his controlling nature.