Tonight’s RHONY episode is entitled, Airing Your Dirty Laundry. This means I will probably be peppering the post with Don Henley lyrics, because now the song is stuck in my head. People love it when you lose. They love dirty laundry.
Grey Gardens has been so misedited this season. Lunann’s living there, no she’s not, yes she is and now we have the moving in scene where we find out that she will be on the fifth floor. I cannot imagine her walking up and down five flights of stairs all day. Sonja talks about taking the elevator up. I thought that was one of the first things to go.
Sonja tries to explain THE GREAT TIPSY GIRL INCIDENT OF 2015 to LuAnn. As soon as Sonja mentions Peter, Luann replies ‘You mean Ramona’s Peter?’ in such a way that she seems shocked, as if these three women have not been placing pass the peter for many seasons. Isn’t her new guy also a recycled peter? Luann tries to point out that Tipsy Girl is too close to Tipsy Girl. Sonja pretends she had never thought of this.
Ramona meets Carole and Bethenny to update them on the party because neither of them attended.Of course all of this trademark stuff has hit the press. But still, Ramona has to explain it to Bethenny even though it is all over Page Six. Bethenny feels very betrayed. Ramona asks if Sonja knows what she is doing. In unison, Bethenny, Carole and me say, “Yes.” Bethenny ends the conversation with “Don’t fuck with me.” Ut Oh.
Ramona meets Dorinda for breakfast. Ramona orders a healthy egg white omelet but the second the food arrives she starts tearing in to Dorinda’s pumpkin waffle. Once again these two agree that they are solid friends and Ramona will stop mocking John.
Bethenny Hands Sonja Her Ass On A Platter
Bethenny had a date with someone unexpected and they hung out at her apartment until four a.m. before this big showdown. Apparently, Sonja has never been there before. She immediately says that she has the same colors (Bethenny’s red) on her website. Which is down at the moment. It is probably still down.
Bethenny starts by telling Sonja all the dirt on Peter. She includes everything in that link plus the fact that he was just managing that sports bar he pretended to own with Ramona. Basically, Bethenny says I know this is all bullshit which is another reason why I am pissed you are trying to associate yourself with my business. He does not have the trademark to Tipsy Girl as Sonja just claimed. In fact, no one has it at the moment because Bethenny applied for afterward and the trademark people have not given the trademark to anyone yet.
Bethenny is going hard and it is hysterical. Sonja keeps trying to act like this is real thing and she is talking to distributors. Bethenny is like name one. Give me the name of any distributor you are familiar with. Crickets Bethenny says, “So this is like the stores your clothes are in?” Ouch
Sonja says it is just a fluke that her Prosecco has the word “girl” on the brand. Brandi says after all she has done for her she is completely insulted and wants nothing further to do with her. Bethenny calls her a fraud. This is delicious. Bethenny says that Sonja reached out to her on the day the news broke about her “cheater brand” on Page Six. Bethenny say she is doing this all for attention. Sonja is still pissed about this situation with Bethenny and sees it as Bethenny trying to stop her from competing in the beverage market. As if she could compete with Bethenny. Bethenny ticks off a list of all of Sonja’s fake businesses. Sonja responds that she sold a ten thousand dollar bracelet to some guy she doesn’t even know. That is her comeback to Bethenny insulting everything from the toaster sham to the Nigerian football team. Bethenny says no one believes any of her lies.
Sonja starts crying. She plays the poor pitiful me card. She says she just got out of chapter 11 and she wasn’t trying to be the beverage mogul that Bethenny is, she just wanted to sell a little wine to some restaurants. OH PLEASE. Bethenny literally hands her a tissue and says she doesn’t believe that this was not an intentional ploy by Sonja. Bethenny says she has compassion for her, and ends the conversation and basically throws her out and says have a nice life. Good for her.
As Sonja gets into the elevator she says to no one in particular, “Does that mean I can’t do pocketbooks because Luann’s doing pocketbooks?” Sonja is clearly unstable.
We have a ridiculously staged scene where Jules interviews a nanny. It’s probably going to be seen as very offensive to some. I just find it sad that Jules (and apparently her husband) have nothing better to do that film this crap. Jules really wants someone who will wait in line for her and give her blowouts.
Carole is going to foster a “Kit in” I have to fast forward this because I can’t stand the way she says kitten. It seems the boytoy is back. Apparently, they are going to write a book together about becoming vegan. She has blown off her book to write the cookbook. Or her editor dumped her because she hasn’t been writing in the past two seasons. Get the widow on the set. We need dirty laundry.
Some Sort of Drunken Party
There is a lot of promotion for the location of this drunken party. I have no idea what it is but there was a tabloid and a charity on the step and repeat and apparently they invited the housewives to brawl there. Sonja, Ramona and Luann are drunk off their asses and Sonja tells Ramona that Luann is having lots of guys over to Grey Gardens for the sex. We Love To Cut You Down To Size, We Love Dirty Laundry. Because that is what friends do. Luann says she had a “very dry spell” which causes Ramona to break her wine glass banging it on the table and laughing like a hyena. Luann points out that Ramona has issues with wine glasses. Ramona blames it on the cheap glass. Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down. A discussion about the Luann’s chuckalina begins with all sort of metaphors and suggestions for vaginal surgeries and then Ramona screams out, “I heard you’re a squirter!” They are great a embarrassing themselves. I really don’t see how they are allowed to go anywhere in NYC.
John Throws a Party
Dorinda’s husband has a high end dry cleaner that does work for a lot of the local designers. He is throwing a party to honor one of those designers. Dorinda arrives in a good mood and gives John several peck without being cajoled to do so.
Oh my, the drunken party with Ramona, Sonja and Luann was apparently them predrinking for John’s party. They wobble over to his event, seriously intoxicated. Wait it looks like just Luann is going and the other two are staying at the first filming location. I presume this is because Ramona is going to be thrown out so she can stumble back into filming scene one and give a drunken accounting to the two holding the table down. I was wrong. Luann and Sonja stayed to talk about Bethenny before heading to John’s event which they are all referring to as Dorinda’s event.
Dorinda points out that she did not send an invitation to Ramona. Why would she? She hates John. Meanwhile, Luann has a guy stalking her. A former one night stand is there talking about how he has been texting her and she won’t talk to him and he loves her and wants a kiss. He is creepy and this seems real. Dude, Just leave well enough alone! Keep your dirty laundry! Luann takes off in a cab to get away from the guy. So he starts hitting on Ramona and Sonja. He is really fucked up. Which means these two should love him. Plus, he’s been with Luann, which apparently gives them double bonus points or something. Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet?
Ramona tells us that Rey (the creepy guy) took Luann on a trip last summer and “they just fucked.” Such a sweet woman this Ramona is. So far tonight she mentions that Harry said Luann is a squirter, and now she is sharing Luann’s private off season sexcapades with us on national television. We got the bubble-headed bleach-blonde, comes on at five. She can tell you ’bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye! She also tells us that the party is boring so getting some gossip on Luann is music to her ears. It seems Rey took Luann to Ibiza and they were supposed to go to Croatia but they never made it. It is obvious from looking at this guy what that was.
John comes over to throw Rey out because he is making a huge scene. I am sure he will regret this when he sobers up and reads the Siren Media release he signed while he was incredibly fucked up. Allegedly. Ramona tries to keep John from tossing the guy out because she wants
to play pass the peter to hear the dirty laundry. Ramona and the other drunken fool cause a HUGE scene. I should point out that this is a work event for John’s business and John and Dorinda are not coked up, sweaty or intoxicated. It was a very civilized room until Ramona hooked up with the drunk fool. Dorinda tries to tell Ramona that Rey is not a good guy, but the two leave together.
Dorinda and Ramona and the asshole guy have a huge argument on the side walk. Dorinda calls Ramona a piece of shit. Ramona is super drunk screaming “I don’t know what happened.” And everyone goes home in separate cabs. Including Dorinda who does not go back into the party despite John’s pleadings. Dorinda is furious with Ramona, but she is also mad a John for putting his hand up in Ramona’s face. I’m not mad at John for that. Ramona was sending spittle everywhere and causing a scene at his event. He didn’t lay a hand on her he put his hand up defensively.
Next Week: Ramona’s drunken behavior is all over The Post. Dorinda has the girls to the Berkshires, including Ramona but does not invite Sonja. Ramona goes on and on about Sonja having a drinking problem and needing to work on herself.
You don’t really need to find out what’s going on. You don’t really want to know just how far it’s gone.