All of the wigs and makeup, challenges and lip-syncs, breakdowns and breakthroughs have led us to one thing. It’s time to crown the winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, season eight!
Will it be the consummate professional Bob the Drag Queen? She slayed every challenge she faced, made us laugh and made us cry, and seemed to have the season won from the first episode. But Bob’s achilles heel has always been her looks. Can she win based on her shake-n-go wigs, ratchet drag and endless array of leggings? Should she?
Or will it be Kim Chi, the hands down master of the look. Every time she walked the runway she brought something new and exciting. Kim Chi truly is the future of drag and there’s no doubt she will make an impact on the art of drag itself. But the girl can’t dance. She can barely walk in heels. Are her looks enough to earn her the crown? Or do we require the ability to perform from our winners?
Or will it be Naomi Smalls, the supermodel of the runway? No one expected Naomi to make it to the final three but when she stopped relying on negligées and created runway worthy fashion, no one could stop her. She combines looks and performance while staying entirely true to her Naomi aesthetic. But she’s young and still raw. Is she ready for the crown or does she need more time to become her ultimate self?
While it’s fun to analyze the drag data, the decision is entirely up to RuPaul. So let’s get this show on the road and find out who the winner is!
The curtains open to RuPaul surrounded by her past winners. The crowd goes wild. They all look stunning and RuPaul is giving face, face, face. The first words she speaks are, “Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.” A Pee Wee Herman reference! We’re off to a great start.
The girls of season eight walk the runway. Dax Exclamationpoint is rocking what I think is a Tina Turner Beyond Thunderdome look (help me out, Xanadude). Laila McQueen is a vision in gothy purple. Cynthia Lee Fontaine, my darling cucu, has a pageant dress and crazy Yara Sofia-esque hair. When she turns around she has a cutout showing that amazing ass. I love that girl! Naysha Lopez is stunning. After seeing her kindness to Chi Chi Devayne on untucked, she shines even brighter. Acid Betty is all red spikes as only she can be. She gets a huge crowd reaction. I’m so glad people saw through her prickly veneer. Robbie Turner is a redhead in a flowing saffron gown. She really looks like an old Hollywood starlet. Christy, Robbie’s little partner from the Wizard of Oz challenge, is in the audience. Thorgy Thor has a space age body suit and big hair made of what looks like fruit string. She’s all spunk and joy. The crowd loves her as much as I do. Derrick Barry got her makeup professionally done and she looks lovely. She almost reminds me of April Carrion (which is a big compliment). She also gets a huge audience reaction. Chi Chi Devayne isn’t wearing trash bags anymore. She has a gorgeous blonde wig and black leather gown. The audience goes wild.
Bob the Drag Queen enters purse first. Tons of boys in the audience wave their purses at her. She has a huge blue bob (no shake-n-go today) and a white dress with colorful detailing. She looks like a real drag queen. No ratchet drag tonight. Kim Chi also has a blue wig but her gown is layer after layer of taffeta. Or is it pants? I think it might be pants! Either way, it’s so much better than anything we saw on Project Runway Allstars. Naomi Smalls is a redhead with the fashion equivalent of Princess Leia buns. Her slinky green leather dress has a huge slit to show off her assets.
The top three perform a lip-sync to a song created especially for them. Bob the Drag Queen starts with “I Don’t Like to Show Off.” She looks like a 90’s rapper with her gold chains and hoop earrings. On the way to the stage, Bob stops to give Lucian Piane a lapdance. She’s a great dancer and always brings the comedy. Is she padded or are her legs naturally luscious? She ends with a faux death drop. Then she sits down with Ru for a little kiki. Bob was first excited by drag when she watched To Wong Foo and saw a glamorous drag queen (RuPaul, naturally) wearing a confederate flag dress. “I was like, this bitch is pushing buttons, girl! I loved it.” RuPaul shows a clip of Carol Channing (!) thanking Bob for the great impersonation. Bob almost starts crying. Then RuPaul shows a clip of Bob’s mother (who was too sick to attend) and the tears really start flowing. RuPaul isn’t happy until she’s made a drag queen cry. Well, she got her wish tonight.
(Personal aside: they ran an ad for the Ab Fab movie and it looks amazing!)
Kim Chi performs “Fat, Fem and Asian.” She’s wearing a huge dress. Like really huge. She looks amazing but hasn’t moved yet. Oh right, that’s the schtick. Kim Chi doesn’t dance. She leaves that to the six dancers hiding behind her dress (I told you it was big). And now she’s lip-syncing in Korean. She’s really quite good. And then she throws down. The audience goes wild. Kim Chi is dancing! She gets a standing ovation. RuPaul asks her the last time she fell. “Actually, earlier today… I tripped on my skirt and I fell over the craft service table.” Kim still hasn’t told her mother she does drag. RuPaul is shocked that she could appear on tv and her mom wouldn’t hear about it. “She not really open to American culture at all. So I don’t think she’ll ever find out about Drag Race.” RuPaul shows a clip of Margaret Cho as Kim Jong-il calling Kim a supreme drag queen. “You better work. Or else I put you in a labor camp.”
Naomi Smalls lip-syncs to “Legs.” I’m not as excited by this performance as the other two. And strangely enough, Naomi’s legs look shorter than they usually do. But she’s gorgeous. She’s a supermodel. She does the best she can with the song and choreography provided. Naomi’s mom is in the audience and she’s adorable. You can tell she really loves Naomi, even when Naomi disses her family’s fashion knowledge. I hope she gets a clip from Naomi Campbell. Nope, Logo cheaped out and they play a clip from Lena Headey (Cersei from Game of Thrones) instead. It’s kind of disappointing but Lena is fangirling so hard over Naomi it’s cute. Then RuPaul brings out five of Naomi’s siblings. They all look so normal! Naomi seems really happy to see them. So sweet.
(Another personal aside: Last year several people asked me where to find “Too Many Daddies,” the song Violet Chachki performed at her finale. Well, RuPaul heard you. Ever the entrepreneur, she is selling The Rusical, a collection of all the original songs from Drag Race. Enjoy!)
Now it’s time for the reunion. First RuPaul talks to Dax Exclamationpoint, Laila McQueen and Cynthia Lee Fontaine. Dax is being haunted by “I will Survive.” It’s playing everywhere she goes. Laila is enjoying traveling all over, performing and getting love from the fans. Cynthia has gone through some challenges since taping. Shortly after leaving Drag Race, she was diagnosed with stage 1 liver cancer. She’s in remission now (or, as she calls it, “the discharge process”) and she feels great. I had no idea! The one queen who flew to her side and took care of her? Acid Betty. Cynthia does an adorable imitation of her. She claims the support she got from her new sisterhood really helped her through.
Next is Naysha Lopez and Acid Betty. RuPaul admits to Naysha that she has a running bet with Michelle Visage about whether Naysha’s ass is real (as she claimed). Naysha clears things up. “I eat well, I work out, I have ten cc’s of medical grade silicone…” Ru asks her what she was going to wear for the Madonna runway. Another damn kimono. For christ’s sake! As soon as RuPaul turns to Acid Betty the crowd starts cheering. Who would have thought she’d turn out to be such a fan favorite? And Acid Betty loves the fans right back. “The best thing of this show are the fans. The love is so intense and it’s wonderful.” Awww. RuPaul shows a clip of Nancy Grace telling Acid Betty that she got robbed during Snatch Game. “We got a case here!” Hysterical.
It’s Robbie Turner, Thorgy Thor and Derrick Barry’s turn on the hotseat. Robbie’s favorite moment was having Debbie Harry wish her a happy birthday. Winning the challenge that day didn’t hurt either. RuPaul asks Thorgy about her complicated relationship with Bob the Drag Queen. Thorgy admits she loves to argue about everything. “I just love fighting with him so much!” They surprise Thorgy with a violin. She plays a little and gets a taste of her Thorchestra dreams. Derrick promises that he’s never giving up Britney but he did want to prove he could expand and take it to the next level. She’s very proud of tonight’s makeup but I’m fairly certain someone else did that for her.
Aw, they give the Kinsey Sicks (“America’s Favorite Dragapella Beautyshop Quartet”) some love. I wish it was longer than two seconds, though. Blink and you missed it…
Chi Chi Devayne gets her own segment. She had to quit two jobs to join the competition but now she only has one. “I”m a fulltime drag queen! That’s what’s up That’s what’s up.” Chi Chi gets a clip from Jennifer Holliday, an original Dreamgirl. She goes on and on about how amazing Chi Chi’s “And I’m Telling You” lip-sync was. Chi Chi is totally touched. She thanks RuPaul for making her dreams come true.
And now on to Miss Congeniality. Katya (last year’s winner) comes out and I’m reminded of how much I love her.. She’s funny and glamorous and her laugh gives me life. She announces the winner of season eight Miss Congeniality (and the winner of $5000)… Cynthia Lee Fontaine! The crowd is cheering and crying. She truly deserves this honor. Her acceptance speech is zany and scattered and wonderfully Cynthia. Cucu!
Finally, it’s time to crown the winner. The girls look gorgeous and nervous. The past winners join them on stage. And then Violet Chachki, last year’s winner, enters. She takes my breath away. She’s so insanely gorgeous, even more so than on her season. The audience feels the same way. Does she have live, bedazzled cockroaches crawling over her face? Damn, that girl commits to a look. With plenty of pauses RuPaul announces the winner… Bob the Drag Queen! I assumed she’d win from day one but she deserves it. She’s a star. She does her champion walk purse first, of course. The audience shake their purses back at her. She is our Queen.
That’s all for now, squirrel friends. Thanks for joining me on this journey. Your comments and feedback have made my favorite show even more enjoyable. And I’ll be back. Logo finally acknowledged Allstars 2. We don’t have a premiere date yet but it’s coming…
Thanks so much for another great season, Lady C and for always putting things it the perfect format. Sorry about the pictures, I’m having problems uploading.