By Phil Andros
Well, with a title like that, we know what’s coming! So, Hollis is in the lead and is channeling the Donald – he’s going to “Give America Back to Americans” and not greasy foreigners who want to blow up the World Trade Center, etc.
Flash to OPA where Abby and Olivia are cementing their truce – no negative stuff about Susan or Mellie until after they take down Hollis. By the looks on their faces, you can see that they both have zero intention of honoring that pledge. So it should be pretty good!
Ha. Didn’t have to even wait for the first commercial. Olivia tells her team to get “Lethal Dirt” on Susan. Abby tells Liz North the same. Yay!
We go to what turns out to be a sweet scene with David and Susan. I mean, only Shonda could make ERISA sexy, amirite? He proposes and she accepts! So of course my mind immediately turns to what could completely blow it the fuck up because Susan is NOT allowed to be happy and really, David is more doormat than human being so hurting his feelings isn’t going to cause Shonda any sleepless nights. The easiest call would be that Susan finds out that he cut a deal with Governor Baker from Florida, but there is so much shit in David’s closet that it could be anything. Thoughts? Did you fall asleep even reading this paragraph? Yeah, me too. /nevermind.
Cyrus and Olivia meet! It is hard not to like this scene. Cyrus can’t figure out why Hottie Governor Vargas is losing every other primary to Edison so Olivia tells him that Poppa Pope is not just running Edison’s campaign…he’s running Edison. Without missing a beat, Cyrus says “I know you don’t want to kill him because he’s your father, but we should at least talk about it.” Olivia fires back. “My father was COMMAND, Cyrus. We both know he’ll do a better job of stealing the Oval Office than we ever did.” LOL. And there you have it. Murder and treason all wrapped up neatly in just one scene. By the way, no mention to Olivia that Cyrus’ whore ran away and took his baby, so I think we see exactly where Cyrus’ head is and what’s important to this monster.
After the next scene, I’m pretty sure Olivia should reconsider the whole “killing her father” thing. Rowan gets Abby in a car and tells her that Olivia aborted Fitz’ baby and he hands her the proof. That right there is Father of the Year material. Of course, he’s just trying to get rid of Mellie and Susan because he wants Hollis to be the candidate that Edison runs against. You know this. I know this. Huck knows this. But the Olivia/Abby mud wrestling has them both blind to the obvious. I really thought this show had stooped as low as it could possibly go. Wrong again!
So now we’re going to go into crush Hollis Doyle mode with Oppo Research. Cause that’s going to work. Hucks rolling his eyes in the background. It’s a pure Donald Trump montage. Shonda’s not even being a little bit subtle. Hollis is a tax cheat, a womanizer who raped his second wife and is a racist who takes money from the KKK. I am now firmly TEAM HOLLIS. He delivers a lot of great one-liners but this may be my favorite: “Old Fitzy’s part of what I like to call the ‘lucky sperm club.’ Never worked a day in his life.” Hollis’ numbers keep going up and the entire OPA/Abby team is shaking their damn stupid heads. And so is everyone watching.
Ha fucking Ha! I just love the scene with Rowan and Edison. Edison wants to denounce Hollis, but Rowan explains to him that he is going to be the first black president only because a lot of people “who are a lot paler” like the idea of the first black president who isn’t a scary black president. Nice “race is a social construct” diss to all the twitter social justice warriors who seem to lack a basic understanding of biology. Just awesome. Scenes like this make me love you Shonda, keep them coming. Then, as we all predicted, Eli informs Edison that he should put Jake Ballard at the top of his short list for VP candidates. Yep, Edison is not only going to be the first black president, he’s going to be the first black president who has an accident and dies in office. Because you know Poppa Pope ain’t gunning for the VP spot. The way he sits back and crosses his legs and tells Edison “The decision’s up to you” was pure menacing genius.
Btw, Why is the head of the NSA who was nominated by a Republican President a good Democratic candidate? I guess we’re just supposed to think it makes sense because Shonda says so?
The writing gets momentarily VERY sloppy. Abby brings up that there may be a Hollis mistress who had an abortion. Instead of just telling Abby that it won’t work (which she does), Olivia goes on to explain to Abby how the only person an abortion tied to her could destroy is Mellie. Ugh. Cue serious music and portentous look on Abby’s face. Because now we know that Abby will once again fuck up and use Olivia’s abortion against her. At that point, there isn’t going to be any coming back for those two. The plot flaw though is that Olivia would ever hand Abby that kind of insight….ever. She knows that post Hollis it’s going to be Mellie vs Susan.
Then we turn to Hollis on the Sally Langston show where he promises that whichever of the two women (Mellie and Susan) drop out first will get the VP slot. Are you serious? “I’m as serious as a fat kid on Halloween.”
Then we get the handwringing on both sides about whether they should ‘take the deal.’ The handwringing moves us closer to: (1) Marcus and Mellie fucking and (2) Abby using the intel about Olivia’s abortion and (3) Poppa Pope winning again. Sigh.
Anyone starting to feel sorry for Edison? Yeah, me neither. Another great scene! Edison goes to Jake to tell him ‘man to man’ why he won’t be choosing him to be his VP. Jake goes full Eli on him and tells him that he is the one who arranged Edison’s car accident when he started dating Olivia. Basically, gloves are totally off here…. If Edison had a shred of dignity he would withdraw from the race, but we know that ain’t happening.
Oh, Shonda. Just when I was really enjoying things, the scene with Hollis and Olivia was really off-putting. I get it. It’s an election year and Donald Trump is beyond tempting to parody. But this? Really? Hollis basically give the “I don’t believe anything I’m saying, I’m just giving the customer what he wants’ speech, which is all that the political pundits say about the Donald. Although he keeps proving that he really does believe it. Anyway, Hollis and But, I’m thinking there’s something else going on. Maybe she taped it or something? How could she make a deal with Hollis without consulting Mellie? Hmmmmm.
She did tape it! And Sally Langston ambushes Hollis with his quotes to Olivia. Pretty sneaky, sis! Also completely implausible, but whatever. I will sort of be glad to be rid of Hollis. Sally accuses him of making a mockery of his supporters and by extension the American people! He was a bit too much of a caricature for my liking and I think it’s good that he won’t be Shonda’s Republican nominee since Donald will actually be the Republican nominee. Well, most likely. We’ll see about that too I guess. Poppa Pope ain’t gonna be happy though….
Scene of a happy Olivia and Abby drinking wine and laughing about Hollis’ demise…and then it gets real. They agree that they are going to go after each other full steam. Which brings us one more step closer to Olivia’s abortion becoming public and the shitstorm that is going to set off, mostly with Fitz.
Olivia goes to Edison and tells him he ‘can’t win this way’ and her solution is for him to give a suicidal speech where he basically alienates 80% of white America. Impressive and a pretty impressive speech because it was about as genuine as it could have been. It should also completely tank Edison’s campaign. But of course, Poppa Pope is involved so I’m not holding out hope it’s over. Shhh. let’s watch….
Eli & Jake – not happy! Can’t believe this will be the last of them though. I mean, he’s been ahead of Olivia every step of the way and it’s really going to go out with this whimper? Hottie Governor gets a call from Edison who is conceding. Cyrus is celebrating because having your kid stolen is no reason not to party!
Some weird scene in the Oval where Team Mellie and Team Susan are supposed to say what they have on each other, the theory being that the person with the worst dirt on them resigns. Surprise! Team Mellie has the goods on David dropping the Tamarac Sugar investigation to get the Florida Governor’s endorsement. Susan is furious. Instead of using the abortion info, Abby actually for once in the last 3 months of this show makes the right call and uses some psychic bullshit instead.
Susan drops out of the race and endorses Mellie, but not before epically breaking up with David for what has to be the last time. “You made me want it and then you took it away.” I almost felt sorry for Susan and David except I am actually very happy to have them off the show in any meaningful way since they have to be two of the most boring, insipid characters in the history of the show. More excitingly, Marcus almost kisses Mellie. That’s coming….
Last two scenes:
- Olivia pressures Abby to tell her what the dirt was (the abortion) and how she got it (Poppa Pope) and then Abby delivers the chilling line: “And I don’t think he’s done with you.”
Eli and Jake pay Edison a visit to confirm that Olivia gave him the idea of how to tank his campaign. After Jake slams Edison’s head on the desk and Eli leaves, Jake whispers: “Tell Liv I need her help. Tell her I want to get out. Tell her I want to escape. Tell her I’m chasing the sun.”
Wow. Should be a scorcher of a finale next week! Do you believe Jake is on the up and up? What is Eli’s plan for Olivia now? Do you miss the fingerbanging? Yeah, me neither. Let’s talk in the comments!