This week on RHONY we are back at the Hamptons where the new Bethenny is the type to throw herself a birthday party. It’s apparently a new Bravo requirement that every season of every franchise must attempt a “BBQ.” Who knows what this one will be like. Bethenny’s house at the Hamptons is so pretty. I have been having a lot of house envy lately. She has her outside bar just like LVP!
John has no memory of his argument with Bethenny or agreeing to apologize the night before.
Bethenny is having a real BBQ with a giant oil drum BBQ with rotating rows of grills inside. This looks amazing. Carole plans to keep a friendly distance from Luann. Ramona shows up with case of Corona’s instead of Pinot Grigio. This is officially a real BBQ! There are Moscow Mules and spiked hot chocolate served in gorgeous copper mugs. This is probably the first housewives party I would want to go to! I’m in love with this whole thing.
John is making Bethenny super uncomfortable. He’s creeping around the edges of the party. Luann arrives with a hula hoop for reasons that are unclear. There are two seating areas. Bethenny is in one, John in the other. Luann joins the group with John to avoid Carole. As people start to mill around Dorinda continues to be John to go apologize to Bethenny. After a drink are two, John hollers across the yard for Bethenny to “come here.” We go to commercial but I’d throw him out for that. He just needs to go.
Sidenote: What the hell do you take Bethenny Frankel for her birthday? I mean she has millions of dollars to buy whatever she wants.
Ramona has to leave early because it is date night! John tries to approach Bethenny and she ignored him and walked off. Dorinda compares John to Hilter in her talking head. Sort of. Did I mention that Dorinda and Bethenny are not speaking right now? Well at least Bethenny blocked Dorinda on Twitter during one of her tirades.
Did Bethenny just say that if the marshmallow is too burned you can “pull the foreskin off?” That’s an image that will haunt me each time I make S’mores from now on. Luann and Carole argue over the fire pit. Carole mentions that Luann called her a pedophile on Twitter and said that Carole broke up Adam and her niece. Luann says, “I never said you broke up Adam’s relationship!” Um, other than the fact that she did say that, does anyone else see the problem here? Luann said a lot a crap about Carole when she first started dating Adam. Someone told me recently that Carole tweets crap about Luann a lot but I rarely go to these women’s Twitter profiles unless I get a batsignal from someone that there is an event going on. It seems that Luann is making accusations about Carole having a ghostwriter. That’s just ridiculous. Carole has a distinct writing style and it’s very similar to her speaking voice. They agree to disagree and move forward without apologies. But Carole is astounded that she did not get an apology.
Bethenny and John end up in the bar at the same time and John realizes that he is at Bethenny’s birthday party and her actual birthday was the day he came in all fucked up on whatever and came at her. John wishes her a happy birthday and she makes a face. Bethenny pulls John to the side so that he can do his “apology scene.” #popcorn
Bethenny realizes that John doesn’t really have a clue what he is apologizing for, so she asks him. He responds with “So whaddayawannado? You wanna slice? You wanna dice?” He sounds just like Joe Giudice. I wonder how Juicy is doing in jail tonight? John gives a schmarmy crappy apology of sorts and ends with “if you can’t accept that then we are done with this conversation.” Bethenny says, they are in fact done with the conversation and walks off. We are zero for two on mending fences at the party.
Bethenny goes to sit with Luann and Dorinda and Jules and says she doesn’t even need to rehash things with Dorinda. Her situation with John doesn’t involve her. Then Jules has to but in and tell Bethenny that if she wants to be close with Dorinda she has to make amends with John. Oh Jules, this is episode four and you have already sunk your ship. Dorinda is highly emotional all the time and as she says “I’m tired of feeling bad. Everywhere I go I am upset.” I do feel badly for Dorinda.
This beautiful party is going to hell. People are arguing and crying, and there isn’t even tequila shots to blame things on. Bethenny goes to John and tells him they are straight. She doesn’t want Dorinda to have to go through all the angst of them being at odds. In her talking head, Bethenny says this is the best birthday party she has ever had. And bless her heart, she’s serious. And it’s true.
Jules Has a Brunch
As Jules is trying to get things set our for her party, John is helping himself to all of the food. Bethenny ride out together, and plan to make an appearance and then leave and go to lunch together. Neither of these two want to go to this brunch. John answers the door and Bethenny is already annoyed. Bethenny has a flashback to 2008 and Alex and Simon’s perpetually under construction house. Bethenny says she renovated her house in three months and they have to get surgical and execute with military precision all the renovations. Everyone starts taking the inventory of what everyone else is eating.
Luann shows up with a guy named Paul. Cut to Carole in a talking head saying, “I’m surprise Luann brought someone with her, usually her dates don’t stay for breakfast.” Oh Carol. Mind your business. Later on a tour of the 20,000 square foot house, Bethenny and Carole dip out. I kind of like Bethenny and Carole this season. I mean if I had to hang out with someone on this franchise I would choose them.
Next Week: Jules tells Dorinda and Carole (!!) she doesn’t like Bethenny. Ramona points out that Sonja was not invited to the Hamptons. I realize I didn’t miss Sonja at all this episode. Bethenny and Jules share eating disorder stories. Bethenny and Luann get heated. And Dorinda stays drunk.