I’m still not sure I get why Kathryn lost her shit at the polo match. I guess she just wanted private time with Thomas, but driving all the way to Aiken just to have a hissy fit and leave is bizarre even for her. Thomas doesn’t understand it either. He got pissed at Kathryn and told her he is not going to cosign her lease with her (which she doesn’t really need him to do anyway) she got in a tizzy and had to go to the hospital. Thomas conveys this to JD over coffee in JD’s mancave which is a completely separate structure out on the back 40. JD is trying to let Thomas know that Kathryn’s illness and his sudden change of heart regarding her lease are awfully conveniently timed. Thomas says he doesn’t care, he now realizes that he needs to keep the woman who is carrying his child happy and as stress free as possible. JD says that Kathryn’s current illness is not his fault. Thomas says he blames Jennifer! What the fuck? Wait is this the girl that is suing Thomas and/or going to the press about how violent Thomas is and the time he accidently dropped the baby in the pool? Is that who that blond girl is? I’ll have to look in my archives.
Craig is actually going to sign up to take the bar. We think.
Meanwhile, everyone seems to be pressuring Cameran to have a baby. Why do people do that? If she doesn’t want to have a baby, why does everyone care so much? Cameran now thinks she needs therapy because she isn’t ready to have a baby.
Patti is definitely going to use a vanity press for her “entertaining book.” She is going to take photos of 144 pink flamingo beer coozies and the giant pink plastic flamingo floating in a pool for this fascinating tome on throwing party. She has also invented this thing called champagne towers. You may remember them from every wedding you ever went to in the 1990s. To top off all the tacky, she has a fortune teller. I am not making any of this up.
Has Landon always been this annoying? I really tried to like her since she is from Georgia. But her put on accent from the valley is extra annoying to me this season. Jennifer calls Craig to let him know that Kathryn had a medical scare with the baby. Landon of course is agitated because this is interrupting her spa time with Craig. Because it is Craig’s second day on the job, and after an exhausting morning filling out his application to that the SC bar, by noon he needed a spa break. Jennifer also notes that Thomas didn’t go to the hospital. Thomas told JD he did go to the hospital. Somehow this news is all about Landon and how Kathryn is trying to manipulate her. The fuck?
The Flamingo Party
What is it with these elderly women on Bravo with their penchant for pink, and giant inflatable flamingos? Dear god, they have a whole flock of those stupid pink flamingos all over the back yard. Because clearly the beer coozies are not enough. Patti has a photographer take her picture for her book as she stands at the bar in such a way that it appears two plastic flamingos are growing out of her head.
Whitney is back this week, after a refreshing episode without him last week. He has apparently brought some Miss USA wannabe to the party.
FINALLY K, Cooper Ray is on the show. He was apparently holding out for a better contract. I know Craig is glad he got the deal he wanted as someone has to tie Craig’s ties. Cameran arrives with a giant flamingo hat. At least someone acknowledges the farcical nature of the situation. There aren’t even PBRs in the beer coozies. Shep and one of his dates (he appears to have at least two) strip to their underwear and jump in the pool soaking poor Patti who was trying to get her future foretold, before the fortune teller her could utter the word, “limited.”
Craig tells Thomas that Jennifer said he didn’t go see Kathryn in the hospital. Thomas says that Jennifer is lying.
K. Cooper Ray confronts Patti about attempting to give him the cold shoulder for daring to be kind to Kathryn. Patti acts as if she didn’t mind at all and then in her talking head says that his friendship with Kathryn is “low rent.” Did I point out that she is saying this is a pink muumuu while surrounded by dozens of empty pink beer coozies and plastic flamingos? Because that happened. FINALLY, someone speaks the truth about the carpetbagger. K. Cooper Ray says that Patti is just jealous and bitter that Kathryn still has her beauty, her youth and her whole life ahead of her. And well, Patti is in her Grey Gardens years with her closeted creepy son. The bitch just called K. Cooper Ray a “poor man’s Truman Capote!” What the hell does that even mean? Capote was one of the greatest southern authors of her generation. And mind you a man who should have written a book on how to throw a party. I can guarandamntee you he never stood in a pink muumuu on a lawn covered in plastic flamingos as if he had just invented the champagne tower. My God this women is deranged.
Cameran is having such a splendid time at Patti’s little hootenanny that she fell over into the ubiquitous shrubbery.
Jennifer shows up with a headband with two bouncing pink flamingos on her head. Thomas hates Jennifer. And Landon wants nothing more than to console Thomas. Because, gross. Jennifer is outed for lying about Thomas going to the hospital. She also lied to Elizabeth at the party about Kathryn not being upset with her.
Why is Jennifer on this show? Craig and K. Cooper Ray could film with Kathryn. It’s hard to look as bad as Thomas on this show, but Jennifer succeeds with comments like, “He truly believes the shit that comes out of his mouth.” Right after lying to everyone at the white trash party!
Whitney asks his elderly mother to throw Jennifer out of the party because she is upsetting his true love.
Next Week: Landon throws Shep a birthday party at a skating rink. Despite being told to invite Kathryn, she does not. Also, the skating thing is really the most “not for pregnant women” sort of party one can throw.