Tonight’s disclaimer about why this recap will suck is sponsored by well brand tequila. It is also my excuse for more typos than usual and my late start. I was gardening today and craved a margarita. I am NOT allowed to drink tequila it usually makes me cry. Tonight I had TWO margaritas. Now two drinks don’t phase me at all but two TEQUILA drinks make me all fuzzy headed and my shoulder blades hurt. I went to get dinner which I am no longer interested in and it’s in the fridge for tomorrow. I had a great time reading my book at the bar for the first one, but two was one too many.
So apologies for my lateness. And let’s do this. I admit part of my unusual desire for hard liquor was having to recap this crapfest tonight. I have no idea what is real anymore on this show.
Mike and Reza go to a cigar bar. I hate Reza even more because Xanadude hates him. It make me feel better about being disgusted by him. I respect Xanadude’s opinion. Even his polar opposite political ones. You can learn a lot from X. I’m just saying. (I warned you about the tequila).
I also make fun of Californians a lot. I am going to play the some of my favorite people are Californians. Including one cranky guy from San Francisco who is currently probably mad at me. But I have to mock them here once again because I just don’t get why they wear winter ski caps in LA. I get the whole bad hair day possibility but there have to be other hat options than winter wear. Anyway, this scene is about Mike crawling back to Reza. Whatever. I should point out that it hurts my heart a bit not to like Reza anymore. We had some great conversations online before season one aired.
I don’t really understand rheumatoid arthritis. I like to be the expert of all things, but this I do not know much about. My mother had arthritis but not that kind. In my family, arthritis is just something we have. It doesn’t require chemo. I get this kind is different but I don’t really get it. Plus, it’s Golnesa and she love hyperbole almost as much as I do. She has had to have surgery and that sounds awful. Shervin goes with him. I wish Shervin would go with me to doctor’s appointments. Because, HOT!
She got some stiches removed from her hand. She is a huge drama queen. Please don’t let this be a Yolanda type thing. Is Shervin straight?
Yes that is actually her real name. She is not named for a car by anyone other than production. MJ wants to get pregnant. I am really trying to like Tommy because I love Mercedeh and just because he is not my type, doesn’t mean he isn’t hers. But still…
I am also saddened that MJ has the world’s worst GBF in Reza. On the other hand they are kind of perfectly matched. But Reza is such scum. Plus MJ and Reza allegedly had sex in high school. You should never have sex with your GBF. You should flirt. You should get drunk and inappropriate, but you should never have sex with you GBF. Lessor GFs sure but not your GBF. There was some shit with whipped cream I did not watch.
Mercedeh meets up with Golnesa later and she wants to confront her about her drinking. We have been down this road a thousand times before. There is no point to this conversation. GG doesn’t approve of Tommy. Despite there being no alcohol at this place, GG goes off on MJ.
Mercedeh takes Tommy to get his sperm tested.
Asa is the only reason to watch this show. Asa and her mother. Sure she fronts just like the rest of them, but overall she has much better living arrangements and jewelry than all the rest combined. And on a show about Iranian excess in LA, she wins all day long. Her mother is perfection. Asa is planning her attire for the upcoming wedding of Reza and Adam which she will officiate. “Girl, I can’t do silver!” is the best quote ever as she picks out religious crap for her gold turban she plans to wear. I WANT TO GO TO THIS STORE. Asa is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! I do think she might have jacked up her butt some. I know you guys say she always had a big one, and she did, but …
Reza takes Adam to see his dream house. It’s AWFUL.. Surely he is kidding. He wants a house with no wood. Reza has to be full of shit on this. This has to be a fake scene. I really wish Adam would leave this prick even if everything is fake. He is way to into money and ugliness. I also do not need to see Reza in his underpants.
Mike and Jessica’s Shabbat
Jessica invites everyone over for Shabbat. I really wish I had some real life Jewish friends. I am so intrigued by the religion. Alas, not many Jewish people live in Georgia. If they come this far south they are headed to Miami. My loss. Jessica is trying to cook an Iranian dinner. She should have asked Asa to help her, except…everyone hates Jessica. I actually feel sorry for Jessica. She did SO MUCH for Mike and he fucked around on her repeatedly.
I love that Jessica allegedly made all of this stuff. I really believe she did. Asa gives her compliments and that is all I need to hear. I wish, as a southern that there would have been a bar to hide all the soft drinks and liquors and perhaps a bartender. But that’s just me.
I ADORE Asa, like in a Lisa Vanderpump fan trolly like way. Like if I had no life I would be on Twitter ranting about anyone who had a bad thing to say about Asa sort of way. Like she is fucking everything.
Everyone is ganging up on GG. Reza wants everyone to make allowances for her. Why are Bobby and Asifa still here? They are nothing.
GODDAMN Asa is two wrists deep with the 22K bangles. I bow to the mistress with my paltry collection.
Reza is pissed at MJ because she points out the obvious that Adam’s voice is NEVER HEARD. Instead of listening to reason, Reza is angry with MJ. He then drives a wedge between Adam and MJ. This is all bullshit. Adam knows he is getting married to Reza in a “surprise” wedding.
Mike’s spirituality is offense. But I ADORE the Jews and the Muslims coming together.
Next Week: GG drives an RV drunk and everyone confronts GG about her drinking on a camping trip.