I was more surprised than usual to see this show in my DVR tonight. I think I am getting old timers because every damn day I have no idea what I am supposed to recap until I look at what the DVR is going to record. At some point this week I forgot all about the reunion and actually thought it was all over. I think that is because we have talked this season to death. I’ve written a million Yolanda posts and almost as many Rinna Posts. Over the season I have read more about Lyme disease, Chronic Lyme Disease (or the lack of such a thing). neurological Lyme Disease and whatever other names and co-infections and whackadoodle treatments Yolanda came up with and how that affects her impending divorce. I think another reason I feel like we have already done this is that they put out so many clips and pictures. I am disappointed we are not starting backstage.
We start with someone asking where Kathryn gets off telling Eileen to spend 10K on handbags. Kathryn says maybe on three and they are investments. Kyle says she has some of her mother’s and will pass them down. Look Andy, enough with the softballs questions about ponies and handbags and sunglasses.
Time for an Erika package. Andy calls LVP out for wearing the same Tom Ford dress that Erika wore in her talking head. LVP points out that Erika just wore the top and she has the dress. Oh Pinky and her pitiful one ups. I am not a fan of any of the dresses on that couch, but it is the best dress LVP has ever worn to a reunion. She usually looks very matronly. Erika talks about how much Tom’s partners in the firm and their wives hated on her every day when she first got married. I have literally seen every moment of this reunion so far on the Internet. Everyone sucks up to Erika. Then Andy starts subtly pushing some buttons Erika doesn’t with to respond to, “submissive,” “traditional marriage,” Yolanda jumps in and sort of veers the topic off to Erika Jayne. Erika Jayne’s face briefly registered that she did not appreciate the assistance, then she moved on to not answer catsuit questions. Erika Jayne is handling her first reunion like a seasoned pro.
On to Yolanda, first with some softballs about Gigi and the refrigerator. But now on to David and Yolanda’s divorce. They show a montage of David and Yolanda scenes and Eileen cries. This concerns me. I am worried about Eileen and her marriage. Sidenote: Yolanda has freshly bleached hair and really good haircut. Yolanda now says she was sick when she got married. It started a few months before the wedding and she “dropped off the planet.” Hmmm. As someone who dropped off the planet for a good five years, and only recently climbed back on, I can tell you she was still on the planet. Everyone expresses condolences about he divorce except LVP who asks, “Were you blindsided, or did you know? Did you know that night at Harrys? Flashback to bar scene where LVP and Yolanda were fighting.” Yolanda bites back with. “No, I was emotional about you!” LVP asks her again if “she knew anything that night?” then, “So you didn’t know anything then?” and then, “So was the marriage crumbling or what?” They plan to Eileen who we can imagine is thinking,” See? This is what she did to me? She kept prying on a sensitive subject!” Yolanda says no it was not crumbling they had a fight on November 2nd.
Andy does the poking this time, “What was it a fight or a discussion?” She said not a physical fight a disagreement. Andy then asks again, “Where you blindsided?” Yolanda says yes, she was she didn’t feel they were at the end of the road. She wished they could have waited until she was 100% well so they could have dealt with their marital issues. THEN Andy says, ” So it was not your choice?” Yolanda says, ” You know, it’s together. It doesn’t really matter. It came to a halt. We came to a dead end.” Yolanda says she doesn’t want to sit on the couch and analyze her marriage with them, it’s private. AND THEN Andy goes on, ” Do you blame your illness for the divorce?” Seriously Andrew, only you could make me feel sorry for Yolanda. This is uncalled for! Andy goes on,”Do you think if you had not been ill you would still be together?” Yolanda says probably. Andy asks, ” What is your contact like now?” Yolanda says, “We… we’re taking time.” Andy jumps in, “Apart?” Yes dipshit, that is what divorcing people do. They take time apart. They have no kids. They have no reason to communication except through attorneys. WOULD YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK MOVE ON?
Andy now opens the floor for others to discuss Yolanda’s divorce on national television. So of course LVP jumps in saying she was gobsmacked! She thought they were solid! David is such a great guy! Wow.
And calls on Erika and asks her to speak about whether or not Yolanda called her and discussed it with her. Erika says she has not answered that question and out of respect for her friend she will not answer. Yolanda says she can and Erika says NO! I fucking LOVE Erika. I hope she follows up with, let’s move on to another topic. But she doesn’t and Andy jumps in saying that looking back the signs were all there.
Next Andy brings up that Kyle said that when her mother died she had many of the same symptoms Yolanda has. Does she think that Yolanda’s marital issues could have contributed to her illness? REALLY ANDY? Kyle is a doctor now?
Next it’s time for another wallop from good friend Pinky who says, basically the truth, but damn I’ve never seen LVP to take this many swings with her own fists! LVP says doesn’t she think menopause has a lot to do with it? And now Yolanda adds another treatment. She says she has pallet of some sort implanted in her butt that they use to check her hormones every three months and she is just peachy thank you very much. These two are going head to head in a very nice nasty sort of way. Rinna wants the pallet in her butt. SIGN ME UP FOR A PALLET IN MY BUTT TOO! I bet phones will be RINGING OFF THE HOOK FOR BUTT PALLETS FIRST THING TOMORROW. Apologies, gentlemen.
Okay so I had to stop everything to find out about butt pallates. Apparently, it is butt pellets! It’s basically a surgical implant that has to be done every three months. The first few things that come up are why it is a bad idea. It’s also expensive. The pellets also can’t be removed if they get the doses wrong. Creams work better. Moving on.
Yolanda says she was just circumstantially depressed but not clinically depressed. She seems to have forgotten all the suicidal ideation. She does remember being clinically depressed when she broke her back in 1999. SIGH. I can’t believe she can still tell that story with a straight face with all the photographic evidence to the contrary. THIS is when LVP should speak up. Yolanda says she doesn’t think she will ever marry again.
Absolutely none of Kathryn’s scenes other than the hearing aid stuff was genuine. So I really don’t care about this part. Except that Kyle tries to keep Kathryn from badmouthing Faye. Kyle gets a bit emotional defending her friend who is not there to defend herself. LVP grabs Kyle’s hands and says “There, there, don’t cry…” And Yolanda rolls her eyes at Erika and says, “Wow. I wish she felt that strong about me.” As usual this whole shit show is really about LVP and Yolanda as I said in my 4000+ word dissertation on RHOBH here. Kyle really wants off the OJ subject.
Someone asked Kathryn why she was such a bully to Rinna about her eating. Erika says Rinna does not have any symptoms of an eating disorder, she has lots of energy, she doesn’t disappear into the bathroom, and some other stuff I forgot. Then we move on to Kathryn’s dad dying. Kathryn has a breakdown and says she had a nephew die of a heroin overdose six weeks ago and she is a bit of a sensitive mess.
Next up, Rinna and the Munchausen story. Okay, I need a restroom break and a drink before this.
Wow, LVP is going to jump in on this. LVP is back to hormones and depression. A commenter brings up that none of Yolanda’s stories make sense. LVP jumps in to agree. Andy brings up Yolanda jumping off the boat in Greece or wherever.
Rinna says that when Yolanda came in to her birthday party and Ken said that Yo looked terrible, Harry told them to support her whether she was sick or not. And LVP said, “There goes our fucking storyline.” LVP adamantly denies it. Rinna says then she got a phone call from LVP encouraging her to say Munchausen. LVP denies that. Rinna says she did it because LVP told her to.
Yolanda cries and runs off stage with Erika in her wake.
Next week: Kim is back with her sob story again. Eileen makes LVP cry.