You guys have the patience of a toddler on Twitter sometimes. When I don’t do the #WWHL recaps right away I get tweets during the show saying, I’m patiently waiting for your reaction to…. <insert spoilers here>. Which is really fine because it let’s me know I should prioritize the recap early my day. Which is apparently 2 p.m. today. Whatever. I was up all night again because I think I am becoming a vampire when all I really want to be is the cute old lady who gets up early and drinks coffee while reading the newspaper as the sun comes up. Sort of.
Anyway, Andy the host of a talk show with over a thousand episodes still can’t be bothered to get the pronunciation of his guests names before starting his live show. I’d feel more comfortable in mocking him for this if I did not just recap Real Housewives of Dallas without any idea who any of the people were. I have been experiencing Real Housewives Fatigue and wish I had insurance that would pay for me to go away to a nice all white institution with lots of wind chimes and be treated for exhaustion and dehydration. It’s hard to recap a new housewives franchise when you don’t know their names and haven’t figured out which of any of them are
in any way likeable.
We have a montage of Craig replete with the fake check signing scene with JD. The other lady on the show, Ellie brings up the stupidity of the whole grown man “buying a promise ring” and compares it to a “purity ring” and Andy jokes that he has a purity ring that he is going to keep on until he finds the right guy. Remember the big DRAMA I made over Andy’s ring when it showed up like right when gay marriage was legalized in NY? I still say something is up with that. But what ever it is doesn’t stop him from going on Big Fat Gay Vacations where I presume all sorts of lewd and lascivious behavior occurs. Anyway, Craig struggles to explain the promise ring situation without saying, “Hey, this jewelry store wanted to be on TV selling a cast member a ring and so we all drew straws and I won and so Naomie got a ring!” Because, fourth wall. By the way, I think this whole fourth wall thing is ridiculous. That is an acting term. They are not supposed to be acting on a reality show. The whole show is supposed to be breaking the fourth wall, because there isn’t supposed to be a wall. This is not Shakespeare. Craig says he has to wait until he learns how to ask Naomie’s dad in French for her hand in marriage which will probably take him a least a year. Because learning stuff be hard, yo.
Craig says he and Kathryn never hooked up. He had a crush on her a bit for his first season but once Shep hit it, he was no longer interested. Because you know, Shep’s sloppy seconds are way worse than Thomas’??? If you are a guy in Charleston that isn’t going for anyone that Shep has slept with your pool is smaller than a straight girl’s dating pond in Atlanta.
Craig is asked why he supports Kathryn (by someone who seems pro Kathryn) and if he supports what “T-Rav” is doing her as of today. Craig says there is a difference between supporting someone and agreeing with them. He says he is friends with both of them but he doesn’t support either of their outrageous behaviors. Andy asks what the questioner is talking about that happened today. I don’t think she meant literally today. The two have been going back and forth on social media lately and Thomas is saying he is taking the boy child to the neurologist to see if he has brain damage from Kathryn smoking pot during her pregnancy. Which is funny coming from T-Rav and his history of drug abuse. It the kid has neurological lyme or something, it could be his screwed up sperm. But yes, there is a lovely and dramatic war of words going on between these two because the show is airing.
Idiots actually believed Andy is wearing a purity ring so he had to clarify that it is just a diamond ring he bought for himself. Because otherwise those people are going to see him out in gay bars whoring it up (allegedly, NTTAWWT) and he will seem hypocritical.
Ellie is Team Kathryn as well. Because, redheads unite!
Craig is asked if Landon and Thomas ever hooked up. He stutters around and it’s clear that they have. It was clear that happened or was going to happen when Landon was at his new house. She had the stupid girl googley eyes that precede falling down on Thomas’ dick. As the next caller is talking, Craig mutters that someone will be so mad at him. It’s okay Craig. We all have eyes. That is why the caller asked the question.
Forty-eight percent of those voting in the poll found the poop hat offensive. Because either they are offended by everything or they don’t understand the word offended.