First of all, I really thought you were all idiots when you started saying that Sam would be in finals. This is not a spoiler, I am not allowing myself to even think you guys would gaze upon a spoiler and then come and chat with me. I’m just saying early on you folks said that Sam would go to the end. I wondered to myself (because I try to be at least fake nice to y’all as there are so few of you and I want you to still talk to me about this ridiculous show) how y’all could think such a ridiculous thought. The boy was on a season where he did not have to sew! He had a mentor! Because he was on that ridiculous Under the Gunn show that we all only watched because, TIM GUNN. Kini was dragging the boy through the first few challenges! And then we found out that ALLEGEDLY, Isaac had a little thing for Sam. And that Sam was quite friendly with some of the guest judges. And then he just kept skating by with the most DREADFUL excuses for apparel we have ever seen.
And now, there are six. And I am starting to worry, that perhaps you were right all along. And I was w..I was wrrrrr…. I was unaware of the behind the scenes machinations on this show that apparently allow for bonus points to be added to certain scores for being really good at swallowing. Because both swallowing and sewing share many of the same letter. But I still want to hold out hope that the little twerp will not be in the finale.
The Challenge: Create a fashion forward summer look that is sophisticated with a bad ass edge. They have a $250 budget for Mood.
Sounds like a good challenge for Emily to me. The problem with Emily is that I have to look up her name on my tags list during every recap. Which means either I just can’t remember shit about her, or they are not giving her enough storyline to make it to the finals. At least not yet.
Lots of people are completely ignoring the SUMMER component. Except Sam. He is going with seersucker. Damn you Sam. I am a slut for a man in seersucker. It undoes me. Asha is doing dark leather and heavy weight pants. A lot of people are doing pants. Because nothing says summer like…pants? Where the fuck is the bad ass sundress? The beachy maxi dress? Kini’s fabric is crap. The judges hate yellow.
The philanthropy lady with the brand the winning look will belong to is in the workroom with Zanna. This is good news for the designers as Zanna in general has done more harm than good with her advice to the designers this season.
Emily’s black and white look is too heavy. Rather than just explain to Emily that her top should be white with black painting (if she must hand pant) Zanna encourages her to ruin her beautiful flowly black and white pant by making it shorts. Because, idiot.
Asha’s look is NOT summer at all. The brand lady says it looks like a winter/fall look. They don’t give her any advice other than it needs to be light and airy and less dead of winter heavy looking. Sadly, she has the materials that she purchased. So what can she really do?
Dom makes sure to let the lady know that she used to do biomedical cancer research so she is very down for the cause. That should give her a plus ten in the swallowing portion of the judging tally. She talks about surgical gloves and such to explain why she is making a basic little black dress with some shimmer. It looks lovely. It does not say summer. She has BROCADE fabric. She is going to shorten her dress.
Kini ‘s genie pant is made of yellow and shot through with silver, is that brocade as well? Because it looks heavy. He is going to top wit with a swimsuit and a yellow tweed top. Because nothing says summer like tweed jackets? Zanna says he needs “less disco banana and more sophisticated… cougar? call girl?” I am officially convinced I am going deaf. But I don’t understand her accent half the time. Dear GAWD I just got a full look at the pants. This is the worst think I have ever seen in the history of Project Runway.
Ken has a great white pant and his orangey top material is kind of pretty. He just doesn’t know what to do with his top yet. Come on Ken, you can win this!
Sam’s seersucker jumpsuit would have been fine, but he put giant white square pockets? Patches? On the boobs. WTF? And seersucker and” badass edge don’t got together. We’ll see how it looks when his stunt double sewer comes in to fix it. This could be as bad as Kini’s.
O. M. G. Please talk amongst yourselves about Alyssa’s um, ensemble. And hair.
Zac Posen is judging this week. Maybe he will talk some sense into Isaac.
Ken has a whole new look. He changed his top into a simply halter he literally slapped together half an hour before the runway and used the pretty orange, only for the belt. It’s pretty, it’s summer, he should be fine.
Asha’s heavy fabric is a hot mess. And the entire 60 second her model was on the runway, I was having claustrophobia drama about all that leather around her neck. There is a time and a place for a leather collar and this is not the time, nor the place. The construction around the waist is poor but both Isaac and Zac seem to have happy leather thoughts about the collar. The judges will score this high.
Emily’s knee length culottes don’t excite me but the model is wearing dark bangs that cover her eyes like Sia in an attempt for someone to use the word culottes and badass in the same sentence. And they probably will.
Sam has managed to make seersucker a bit more badass than culottes to me. But that is no great feat. I like his jumper but it has a sash that is way more beauty pageant than bad ass.
Dom’s dress turns out lovely for a black dress. It’s got some interest on top. She admits the slit is too high. But it’s kind of bad ass. It’s not summer.
Kini got rid of his matronly tweed jacket at the very last second and sent down the pants with a plain white top. Suddenly the pants, while still sort of “disco banana” are the focus. And I believe it says both summer and badass.
I say Kini should win and Emily should probably go home. Though I hold out hope that Sam will.
The judges liked: Sam (especially Isaac of course), Emily, Kini
The judges didn’t like: Ken, Asha, Dom,
HOLY SHIT! EMILY WON! WITH FUCKING CULOTTES! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? KINI WAS ROBBED!
Asha was sent home. would have sent her home myself, but I really think Isaac and Zac liked the look.
I am infuriated that Kini did not win. And of course that the swallower remains.
Next Week is avant garde week. And KEN comes for Sam calling him a liar and a snake. I am telling you every last person on this cast hates Sam. And if Ken can unsettle Sam, now is the time. Because Ken almost went home this week, and he is becoming increasingly unable to keep his angry black man in check. I really want Ken to do well, but I really don’t want to see another Ken rage outburst again.