It seems like forever since we have had an episode of Shahs of Sunset. Hell Mike and Jessica have gotten married and divorced since the last season. Speaking of Jessica, she is still dealing with that man with the rape allegations. Someone sent me a like to her on a podcast with the guy from The Dirty where she says something like “he has always been nice to her.” Um really? This chick has the worst judgment in men I have ever seen. I thought my picker was broke, but this girl just needs to leave the men alone before she gets hurt or worse. Personally, I’ve found life to me much easier with having to deal with some man on a regular basis. If you are with someone who has been CHARGED WITH RAPE someone needs to fucking intervene. Has her family disowned her? How do you justify that in your head?
Let’s hope MJ’s new fiancée is someone who will be good to her. I really want her to be happy. I’m really looking forward to seeing Belize this season, as I have never been there. I really should start exploring South America. And I want to see Asa doing ANYTHING. I adore her.
We open with a scene of Reza sleeping alone with his dog. Reza admits that he sabotaged his relationship last season by being a whore at his bachelor party, and cancelling the wedding. He says he got more therapy and things are much better now between him and Adam now but it has been a long road. But that doesn’t stop Reza from (jokingly?) being an asshole. I can tell you that friends and family who constantly pick because they think they are being funny will drive that person away. No one wants to be constantly picked at. Reza is still harassing him for sex. I do like Reza’s to do list which is basically have sex and buy gold. I think that is an excellent plan for most anyone.
Mercedeh has a new man, Tommy, (spoiler they are engaged). MJ is doing some spring cleaning. I’m already not feeling him, but if he makes MJ happy, I’m happy. He’s slightly better than a dead dog in the freezer.
I do not understand this scene where Mike and Jessica have been married for four months. I did not think they were even filming until after they split. I suppose I could be wrong there. That happens occasionally. But I am still side eyeing this because Jessica filed at I believe eight months and they were doomed when they walked down the aisle. I am in love with all of these awesome places to hike in LA. I might not be such a fatass if we had those here. Okay I would we have a mountain with a civil war park with great trails and I have never been. Although in college we would all drive to the parking lot and get drunk and hookup with random strangers though. (If my family is reading I am totally making that part up. I would never do that. Plus I was 17.) Jessica is nervous about hanging out with the group again. Especially, GG. Oh they are going to show footage of the wedding. The Bravo cameras were not there but Jessica hired all sors of cameramen and they have the footage. How convenient. The wedding was supposedly over half a million dollars. Jessica’s father must be fit to be tied and ready to kill, Mike.
GG goes to see Asa. with a little six pack! Asa is working on her business. She tells GG to take whatever she wants. I thought we were friends Asa! I’m still waiting on my diamond water! I adore Asa. GG has really bad rheumatoid arthritis. She is drinking to ease her pain. Asa tries to prepare GG for filming with Jessica. WTF did Jessica do? It’s Mike that is the problem. ALL OF THEM HATED MIKE, and now it is apparently going to be his redemption season.
Mike says his wedding night was the best night of his life and he drank so much whiskey because he was euphoric. He is still drinking there were recently several hard news stories about the iHeart Music Awards and how shitfaced he was. So I guess the whole, “Somewhere Mike Shouhed is shitfaced” refrain is still in effect. Why is it kind of funny when men are drunks and kind of sad when women are? Mike and Jessica are getting their photos. They are $1,500. Why is Mike sweating this? Jessica also had videographers shooting everything. Because, Attention whores. Roll the video. I can’t imagine why that didn’t work out.
Fuck did Asa get butt enlargement? NOE. JUST NOE. But I love her.
Reza is going to finally marry Adam and he asks Asa to officiate the wedding in Palm Springs in a surprise ceremony. Reza has no idea that Adam might want to be involved in, you know, planning his wedding.
GG goes to hang out with Shervin, that guy who looks exactly like Mike, only hotter and not a fucking shit head.
Mike just lied about who was at his wedding. Everyone except GG was at his wedding Reza in Arabic attire is offensive to me. I do own that headdress though. But I would never WEAR IT. It’s a piece of memorabilia of my life. Reza is so offensive.
I don’t know why we are on a yacht for a white party, but we are. So let’s just go with it. I think we left dock without Shervin who is apparently the birthday boy and his birthday is reason for the party. You know production would not allow this unless…. oh look he is arriving by helicopter! Oh look we never say that the yacht had a Helipad. And GG is with him. Sherv starts telling us how much his party costs. So tacky. It’s the first time GG and Mike have seen each other.
I love Mike’s close cut beard. He and Reza want to get together and make up. But tonight it is about the party.
Did I mention there is a helicopter on a fucking yacht! This is way beyond RHOBH in my world. I love this show. Way better white party than Kyle’s white party. Sorry Kyle. GG and Jessica attempt to make up. Jessica says she is married now and whatever GG says, they should put it behind them. But they can’t get left alone long enough to do it.
GG gets wasted. AND MIKE SHOUHED CLAIMS THAT GG HAS A PROBLEM. Really? If she does or she doesn’t Mike is the one called out as drunk at iHeartRadio and we have a catchphrase here at TT used across the board of “Somewhere, Mike Shouhed is shitfaced.” Seriously Mike? This is more ridiculous than Bethenny Frankel calling Jules anorexic.
Someone needs to marry Shrev. He’s hot and smart. Reza on the other hand is a douche. during the cake celebration he digs into a red velvet cake an starts throwing it at people like a monkey tossing shit. I with they would lose Reza. He is a poor image for Iranians. I am disgusted by him. My intial reaction of this sockless wonder was right. Asifa thinks it was Golnesa.