It’s time to recap Project Runway again and when they do the reminder of who one last week, I am still irritated that Dom won with that fugly striped crap. And I LOVED the damn jumpsuit that was sent home. Why does All Stars always suck so hard? What is wrong with these judges?
This week’s challenge is a fairytale challenge. Okay I just had to stop and Google. Alyssa Milano is wearing a tent. I went to see if she was pregnant. She had her last baby in December of 2014. When the hell was this filmed? And if she is pregnant who thought that putting her in white tent gathered from the neck down would be a good look? Was it the same person who did her hair and makeup? Are there two people who hate her that much? I love her and even I have to admit she looks terrible. And if I am going to be all the way honest, she is not a fit for this show. Anyway, everyone gets assigned a fairy princess to base their design on. Which Alexander thinks is great because he fancies himself to be a fairy princess.
Sam has The Little Mermaid, which immediately makes him think, “crop top” because Project Runway judges love them a crop top. Everyone hates Sam, as well they should. Kini points out that there were two weeks where no one went home ant the only one left is Sam. So they are all hoping he is next. Sam says to Kini that he has won two challenges and asks how many he has won. Well, Sam, allegedly, you are blowing the judges and you know damn well Kini made one of the looks that you won for. Dom, has Tinkerbell so she wants to do stripes AGAIN. WTF is wrong with these people?
Dear GAWD! What is Zanna wearing. I so hope there is a picture of this. I never pull photos until the end of this recap because I don’t want to be spoiled by the judges stupid choices. It would just infuriate me earlier than necessary. I already know I am going to be ENRAGED like my spirit animal Lisa Rinna. We both get more worked up by the stupidity and wrong doing in the world than most people.
Okay. I feel like I am being punked. Is this show even for real this week? Dom has Tinkerbell. You may have heard of Tinkerbell, she flits around in a light and airy short dress, typically light blue to blend in with the sky. So, why is Dom making the most HIDEOUS thing I have ever seen out of stripes and I don’t even know what to call that fugly red and black patterned crap is called that she is using. Geometric print maybe? It’s a disgusting monstrosity using three of the ugliest prints in the world. I can’t even believe they were available for sale at Mood. Zanna says that she loves “the vibe” (which I think is nausea) but it is a far cry from Tinkerbell (which is the challenge) so she needs to make sure she sells this with her made up story about an edgier Tink.
Asha has Rapunzel. She hasn’t gotten far, but it looks like a good plan. Zanna says her only concern is getting it finished.
Alexander has Cinderella. He also has lots of costume experience. This is his challenge to lose. He’s off to a good start. Zanna is worried he is too literal and suggest modernizing it with the length.
Layana has Belle. She also has a stupid story about Belle’s husband flying her to Argentina. Her dress is god awful. Zanna says this looks like all the other fugly shit she has ever done.
Ken has Snow White. He’s making a red power suit. Please make it stop.
Emily has The Snow Queen. We barely see five seconds of it. Zanna calls the scarf neckline “old lady.”
Sam has The Little Mermaid. Zanna can’t stop smiling at him. Does he blow both ways? Sam’s fugly dress with the netting base and random scraps of cloth sewn on makes ever other vile look seem lovely. Kini is laughing his ass off as he listens to these two morons attempt to communicate. Kini tells us that Sam is making a crop top and a pencil skirt. Frankly, I could not even tell that is way that heap of material was supposed to be. He does say it looks like he is just pinning swatches on net. Which sums it up better than I ever could.
Kini has Alice. I don’t know why he chose denim, but I love the front. Then he has a cloud of pink and white drama on the back. It’s all very well made and almost complete as usual. Will the judges like it? I dunno. The almost look like wings. I think it would be an easier sell if he had Tinkerbell.
Aylssa looks slightly better but still not great on the runway. And much less pregnant. Was this post baby? I dunno.
Dom (Tinkerbell) This look is much better than it started out. It’s pants. and a long top. I don’t hate it, the judges will probably compliment her use of prints. I’m not sure yet how I feel about it because it is so different from what I saw before that I felt so violently about. That said, if the challenge is TINKERBELL, I think it’s a fail. Wow, I just saw the back. It is pretty amazing despite the horrible red and black fabric choice.
Alexander (Cinderella) He did a full length evening gown in a gorgeous fabric. I say give him the win. So far at least. The mermaid tail is a bit “little mermaid” though.
Emily (The Snow Queen) This is one of those looks I am not sure how to feel about. There is a distinct futurist look. It’s almost avant garde but not quite. It’s either fantastic or on the bottom. I honestly can’t process it. Ke$ha was smiling about it. I forgot she was there. She would totally wear this. So that sort of lowers my opinion of it.
Ken (Snow White) The last time I saw this look it was a pair of red pants. Now it is pants with a matching top. It is very well tailored. And the collar! The collar makes the look. It somehow manages to say, Snow White. That is an element of the challenge that so many others missed. Nice work Ken.
Sam (The Little Mermaid) It looks like seaweed on fishnet.
Asha (Rapunzel) She went with red as well. I think coming out so close to Ken’s look which seems to be much more expertly tailored, that will hurt her. It’s pants with a top that has a peplum (don’t get me started) in the front and a train in the back. I hate mullet looks. This will be on my bottom, even though I love Asha.
Kini (Alice) I love it. In the front it is a LBD with a white collar. I think Alice in wonderland had sort of a rounded collar, though. And the back looks kind of heavy. Given the competition, Kini could be on the bottom. Especially since the judges only seem to be feeling Kini when Sam is taking credit for the look. I have a girl crush on Kini’s model though.
Layana (Belle) This dress came out way better than it was. I think the pleats placed where they are make the model look fat. I hate the fabric. It looks like a dress I might find at TJ Maxx. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I love TJ Maxx. It just doesn’t say “Belle.”
My bottom three: Layana, Asha, and Sam. I’d send Sam home. But I think for drama they may have Kini and Sam both in the bottom.
My top three: Ken, Alexander and I guess I will put Dom in my top leaving Kini and Emily as safe. Though it would not surprise me to see Emily in either the top or the bottom.
I would give the win to Ken. (But Alexander could just as easily take it) And send the blow job boy home.
Fittingly, Ke$ha is a guest judge. So damn ghetto. Brad Goreski is also a guest judge. He is way too good for this hot mess of a show.
The Judges say KEN!!!!! and Emily are safe. KEN? REALLY? They are going to give this to Dom aren’t they?
Judges’ Top Three: Kini (Will they send Sam home and let Kini win??!!!) Asha is in the top, but not everyone seems to agree. Dom is in the top and gets lots of asskissing. Even from Brad. Dom is going to win.
Judges Bottom Three: Sam, Layana, HOLY SHIT! ALEXANDER IS IN THE BOTTOM! The all hate it.
I really need Kini to win and Sam to go home. Brad doesn’t really like Kini’s much. Why do they love Asha’s look so much? Oh Brad doesn’t like Asha’s that much either. OTOH Isaac is not much into Dom’s look either.
They all hate Alexander’s look. He better not go home over this. They hate Layana and talk about every other thing they hated that she has ever made. Keisha is sticking up for Sam’s look. Dear God.
Asha won??? She was firmly in my bottom three. The fuck? Her pants fit like crap! Ken was robbed.
They fucking let Sam slide and it’s down to Alexander or Layana. If they send Alexander home there is no God.
Fuck. And just like that I go from Agnostic to Atheist.
I am all Lisa Rinna ENRAGED NOW. How the hell did Layana’s fugly dress keep her on this show? Even Layana seems shocked. This is a travesty! Ken can’t hide his glee that Alexander is leaving.
Next Week: We have an Athleisure challenge. And we finally get Ken’s meltdown.