Last week’s episode of RHOBH was probably my all time favorite with all of the ladies except the one with Chronic Lymenopause hanging out in luxury suites at the Atlantis Hotel on The Palm in Dubai. When else would we ever get to see the inside of a 40,000 dollar a night 10,000 plus square foot hotel suite with views of the Persian Gulf? I can’t wait to see more. I’d be happy never leaving the hotel, frankly but tonight the ladies go racing across the sand dunes in a giant jeep, roam a local market and have dinner in the desert while enjoying an after dinner smoke from a shisha pipe.
We start this episode at a sea lion center. What, what? Why? Oh! It is part of the hotel. The ladies will be reviewing three activities at the hotel. It must suck to have to partake of five star services on TV in exchange for your five plus star suites.
Kyle and Pinky are swimming with the sea lions. Pinky adored the sea lions.
Kathryn and Rinna are going to the spa. The start at a gorgeous tub filled with bubbles and roses. I am not sharing a tub with a cast mate, and perhaps not even a long term boyfriend. Not enough rose petals in the world. But it would be great by myself! These two decide not to talk like they are supposed to during their pampering. I don’t blame them.
Eileen and Erika are going to the aquarium. Erika likes Rinna and these two talk about her strong reaction to the photos of Yolanda and the two former housewives. What I have since found out is that everyone agreed not to film with Brandi or Kim and that was the real reason that Rinna was pissed. But the viewers don’t know this and it can’t be mentioned on the show. Erika is so stunning.
Later Rinna and Eileen meet up in very similar caftans. Eileen tells Rinna that the word “enraged” is still bothering Rinna. Eileen says that she needs to let Rinna know she doesn’t agree with all of the things Rinna said at the beach. Really? Can we not just find a good schwarma and falafel place? Eileen seems to be trying to get Rinna to bring up all of her feelings to the entire group. Rinna says that she told Eileen how she really felt because she trusts her, and now Eileen seems to be wanting her to share with the entire group. She doesn’t get why. I do. Eileen needs to stir the pot and have some memorable scenes before the season ends. She needs to give production a few strong moments to ensure her return. If that means dragging her good friend Rinna with her? Oh well. Et tu, Eileen?
All the ladies get in a hotel van (Mercedes) and drive through the city. They pass Burj Kalifa which is the largest skyscraper in the world. It took five years to build. I believe Chateau Sheree is on year six. Because according to Sheree, these things take time. She has to get it just right, you know.
They arrive in the desert and an Erika has been groomed and spackled by her glam squad with her hair in a “Mohawk braid” and a ton of dark eye shadow. Everyone gets a black scarfed tied up turban style and off the go across the dunes in the jeep. The girls throw their hands up like they are on a rollercoaster at first. And then they hang on for deal life and start wondering about seatbelts.
They get to their spot and have a glass of champagne and watch a falcon show. All the ladies take a photo in their caftans and the pictures are stunning. Every last one looks like the cover of Vogue. They ladies continue their journey and night begins to fall as they arrive at the huge elaborate tent for their Arabian Nights Dinner.
The ladies start bitching about it being a “dry night” tonight and tomorrow. However will they do two nights in a row? Besides, unless they are sleeping in the desert tonight, which I hope we, I mean they, are, they can drink at their hotel when they get home. Can they really not manage to be sober for 48 hours in Dubai? So the host brings them a drink and hey all love it. Then they ask what it is. They shouldn’t have asked. It is tea with camel’s milk. Now they are all skeeved out. Sigh. This is why I prefer to travel alone. I’d really hate someone who reacted that way.
The main course of dinner is lamb based. Probably over cous cous, I haven’t seen it yet. Then they have a guy where they can try camel. Vanderpump is fine with the poor cuddly widdle lamb, but not willing to try the camel. Sigh. Every wants to skip that part. Kathryn says she will try it and LVP and Kyle exchange looks that seem disparaging toward Kathryn, the only one who is willing to immerse herself in another culture. Eileen and one other decided to taste the camel with Kathryn.
So over a dish of “Humpy” as LVP referred to the camels, the ladies have a serious talk. Mostly between Erika and Rinna. Erika asks Rinna very calmly if she likes Yolanda. Rinna thinks for a bit and says that is an interesting question. It genuinely seems like something she hasn’t considered before. Then she says she thinks that may take some time between her and Yolanda. She asks Erika what she really things of her. Erika says she likes her more now than she did when they first met. When Rinna asks why she says because it is hard for her to trust. Rinna asks if she judges them. Erika says, “No who am I to judge? Do you judge me?” And Rinna laughs and says, “Probably.” Erika asks why and Rinna says she judges everyone in her own brain. In her talking head Kyle says Rinna should have kept her mouth shut. Why? Rinna is just being honest. I think we all make judgments about everyone and everything every day. I like this person better than that person, I prefer pistachio ice cream over strawberry. It’s what humans do. But apparently, when I hit play this will be the wrong thing to have said. Rinna tries to explain when she first saw Erika’s video she felt she was a certain way. I don’t think Rinna has any ill intentions here. But now Erika is pissed. I think perhaps I am just like Rinna. We don’t get why what we say is upsetting to people. I have this problem a lot. /shrugs
Moving on, the go to smoke some shisha. The girls are acting high. So either they are having a bit of a nicotine high or they are smoking hash. Meanwhile, LVP and Rinna are not partaking and are having a conversation. Rinna wants to know why LVP told her to bring up Kyle. LVP says she didn’t say that and in fact she said to leave everyone out of it. Rinna says she doesn’t know why no one else is owning up to their part in the Munchausen debacle. LVP says she never said “Munchausen” and gets up to joint the others. Rinna says to the camera she has never had anyone lie directly to her face like that. I just rewound and listened again because I know this will come up on the reunion. LVP said ” I never WOULD HAVE said Munchausen.” By that she could have meant TO YOLANDA. Because she has to know she said Munchausen on the show.
The next day the ladies go to the souk. Oh this should be interesting. It’s not a particularly pristine place to go and they are wearing sandals. Erika is an expert (in her sandals and expensive outfits drawing attention to her wealth, blond hair blowing in the wind) because she as been to a “Supermarket in Bahrain” before. She keeps calling the souk the supermarket and doesn’t understand what would be happening right now if they didn’t have half a doze male security guards with them. Rinna and Eileen are the closest to appropriately dressed yet the other ladies or something has them feeling in the wrong. Eillen has on boots; which is perfect.
Wow, the Dubai souk is way more like the Sex in the City scenes. I forget that Dubai is a brand new city and not ancient like Tripoli or Marrakesh. They are horribly bad at bargaining for prices. LVP was the worst, the guy’s first price was 55 and she said I’ll give you 85! Sigh.
Kathryn is trying on a kaftan and there is a cockroach on it. She freaks the fuck out and flees the store. I can’t blame her but the storekeeper was looking at her like WTF?
Okay, I am irritated again. There is a Nobu in Dubai and that is where the ladies choose to eat. They eat at Nobu in Malibu twice a week. You are in Dubai. Get out of the fancy hotel (but sure eat there at least once) and go find REAL FOOD that REAL PEOPLE EAT! This is why my husband, Anthony Bourdain, hates the housewives with the passion of ten thousand suns. They don’t even have to look at the menu. They know exactly what they want. It’s just Rinna, Kyle and Kathryn at Nobu so this is a filming simply for Rinna and Kyle to compare notes on LVP.
But first, please let us all take a moment to appreciate Kyle gorgeous turquoise earrings and ring. It looks fabulous with her deep blue dress with turquoise and other stones sewn on.
Kyle tells Rinna that she knew that LVP was trying to put her up to the whole Munchausen thing. Kyle told LVP that is she thinks she is going to take her (Kyle) down, then Kyle will take her down in flames with her. Kyle says that she let it go with LVP because they have been getting along so well lately and she doesn’t want to start things up with LVP again. I had no idea Rinna had know LVP for 26 years. WOW.
So Rinna goes to Eileen and catches her up on everything. Basically, LVP lied to Rinna. Eileen is glad to hear this. Eileen has been wanting for LVP to take accountability for what she does.
OMG! AND NOW WE HAVE SAID IT! THANK YOU LISA RINNA. Rinna just said that LVP and Yolanda have never liked each other. This is something that the storylines have tried not to show too much of, and it is the whole reason for all of the other ladies being pissed off. LVP wanted everyone else to expose Yolanda and her Munchausen or whatever is really wrong with her, and not get any blood on her own hands because she is besties with Mohammed. LVP wanted Kyle to ask her about the kid’s Lyme. Kyle went along with it. This is going to be a fabulous reunion.
The ladies go to dinner (which can only mean trouble) on the beach at Atlantis which appears to be shut down just for their filming. It’s breathtaking looking back at the hotel or out over the water. Kathryn and Rinna order double Grey Gooses on the rocks. Rinna tells Erika that LVP lied to her face the previous night. Erika gets the “I told you so face” and asks her how that made her feel. Rinna said she was horrified. Erika offers support and tells her to be smart about how she handles the impending confrontation. Erika and Rinna make a tentative pre-friends pact. Or in real terms a reunion show alliance. Erika smartly tries to bring Kathryn in to the alliance as well.
Kyle leads LVP to the slaughter. When they sit down everyone stops talking. Kyle fills the time with giving them the rules for the shopping mall tomorrow. Basically, the rules are, act like a lady. Be civilized. Respect the local culture. You know. Common sense stuff. The women find this all to be a huge burden.
LVP continues to deny that she tried to bring Kyle into this. Kyle says that LVP said the same thing to her. LVP is now saying they are both lying. Kyle seems to be on Rinna’s side. Right up until Rinna says she is not taking the rap by herself for the Munchausen’s conversation. Now Kyle is like, oh no, don’t bring me in on that!
Eileen has some strange reaction to Kyle not holding LVP accountable. This makes Kyle say that she knows LVP loves her and if she did do that (which Kyle admitted to Rinna and Kathryn at Nobu that she did) she forgives LVP. She turns to LVP and says, “I forgive you.” Now, LVP who cannot give a decent apology to save her life is now irked to the moon and back over Kyle’s grand forgiveness over a transgression she continues to deny occurred. Meanwhile the two new girls are sipping their drinks looking bored and hungry.
Oh look, here comes the food with Kyle sobbing saying basically that her entire family and her sisters are all a mess and she just didn’t want to mess up the relationship she has with LVP on top of all the other shit going on in her life. This gets Rinna to back off Kyle.
Then Eileen tries to speak and once again LVP shuts her down saying that Eileen is “always trying to have a go at her” before Eileen utters a word. So now Eileen IS going to have a go at her and we go through the whole invasive conversation LVP had with Eileen on camera. The back story there is that Eileen and Vince are going through some things. Maybe he is cheating. Maybe LVP knew. Maybe it was going to be storyline. But it was very hurtful to Eileen whatever it was and that is why she can’t get past it without an apology. And EVERY SINGLE TIME this comes up LVP literally says, “What’s the big deal?” instead of, “I’m so very sorry I hurt you, it was not my intention and I feel terribly. Please forgive me.” That would have ended it in the Hamptons. But now LVP is still saying, word for word, “What’s the big deal?”
This is not the first season where LVP has refused to issue a sincere apology to multiple people. Kyle has just decided to accept that LVP can’t apologize. This is new for Eileen and why she keeps TRYING. Because what Eileen doesn’t get is that LVP is not sorry. Eileen things if she explains it to LVP that she will realize that she hurt her and apologize. The truth is LVP is well aware she hurt Eileen, and she doesn’t give a shit. She’s not sorry and she’s enjoying shutting down Eileen for some reason. Kathryn says it is a cultural difference. It’s not. LVP knows how to give a proper apology. LVP knows how to tell the truth. Those are universal behaviors across cultures.
LVP is cornered and she knows it, so she cries. LVP tries to run. That is her standard operating procedure. They show flashbacks of her doing this in other seasons. Kyle won’t let her.
Rinna, LVP is NEVER, EVER, EVER going to admit she lied.
Next week: The go to Burj Kalifa to shop. The Burj Kalifa has an entire fleet of white Rolls Royces that they send to pick up wealthy tourists from their fancy hotels in. I can’t wait to see it all. Also next week more from the Flying Dutchgirl and the two Alcoholics in the scene that Rinna is so angry that Yolanda filmed. Did you notice that Lymenopause has really affected Yolanda’s ability to speak English? And the LVP lies and refusal to apologize continues to cause drama with all the ladies, even Kyle.