The Booze Cruise
We start right off with Porsha and Shamea acting a fool on the Booze Cruise and Porsha’s first violent episode of the season caught on camera. Production opted not to show all of the long drawn out Porsha meltdown and how long it took her to calm down in the actual episode. Let’s hope that lost footage gets shown this time.
Oh but no. Shady Andy reads a nasty comment from a viewer asking CYNTHIA when she became such a thug. This explains a lot. I am hearing there is a lot of anger from both the crew that has to be present for all of Porsha’s violence and the cast over Andy and Bravo’s other executives nonchalant attitude regarding Porsha’s violence. Andy allowed Porsha to make excuses for her behavior and blame Cynthia and then read nasty comments to Cynthia as if they are not dealing with a violent THOT. Oh wait, we have made it EXACTLY three minutes into this episode without blaming KENYA MOORE. Some dumb cunt writes in that all three times there was violence on the show, Kenya was involved. The cunt satchel is talking about Pillow Talk, where Brandon was attacked by Apollo, Kandi went buck wild and everyone lost their shit, The reunion, when Kenya’s “involvement was getting attacked!” and Lake Lanier, where her involvement was asking an uninvited guest who was being ratchet to leave the event. What the fuck is wrong with these people and why does Andy delight in making EVERY SINGLE ALTERCATION about Kenya???? I can’t wait to see how Andy manages to blame KENYA for Porsha beating down some girl in the alley when my sources say it all went down before Kenya even arrived. I’m sure he will come up with something. Then Andy brings up that SIX YEARS AGO Sheree grabbed Kim Zolicak’s hair. He is desperate to defend the THOT in any way he possibly can. Now Andy gives Porsha plenty of time blame Cynthia again. This is just ridiculous. Then they play Porsha attacking Kenya again. Porsha says she takes responsibility for her actions but it is Cynthia’s fault.
Porsha says something about Kenya and a one eyed African trying to deflect from the fact that Kenya said she beat down her assistant at the finale filming. WTF?
Finally, Andy reads someone who mentions that Porsha acted like she had been beaten down by gang members on the boat when all of her injuries were caused by her psychotic rage that caused her to have to be restrained for a good FIFTEEN MINUTES on the boat before they could get her dumb ass off of it. Porsha is just too stupid to make sense first she says she never said Cynthia did all that to her, and then ten seconds later she blames Cynthia AGAIN. And dumbass Phaedra jumps in trying to defend herself for telling everyone that Cynthia did all the bruising. Cynthia cunt punted her. That’s it. End of story. Porsha actually apologizes to Cynthia. Something she never did regarding Kenya. Why? Because she got sent to anger management and has been coached by Bravo to act contrite.
Kenya and Her Mother
After Andy treats Kenya like ten bags of shit, he is now going to try to pretend to be compassionate about her family situation. He starts by basically saying she should have done it without the cameras. Um, gee Andy. Who decided the cameras should be there in the first place? NOT KENYA. She got off the bus without the camera crew. Kenya says even when her mother lived with her grandmother she would go to her room and say I don’t need to call you mother, I just want you to be my friend. Her mother would laugh and say I will never be your friend. Andy brings up Aunt Lori’s lack of support. Kandi said she was furious with Aunt Lori and the family not protecting Kenya. Andy asked Porsha about the horrible thing she has said about Kenya and her mother not loving her. Porsha is a cunt about it and doesn’t have any compassion at all. Phaedra has been wearing her “I smell a fart” face this entire segment. Kim Fields looked like she felt badly for Kenya.
Andy, who has to disparage Kenya in any way possible brings up the People Magazine story from 1993 where her mother called to congratulate her on winning Miss USA and asks why she turned her away. Kenya says that her mother called to tell her not to speak to the press about her. Not to congratulate her. People magazine had contacted her mother and her mother was pissed about it. Andy says she has to be pissed about all the talking you have done about her on the show. Kenya says, I can say whatever I want about her, I don’t owe her anything. Cynthia steps in to defend Kenya and say at this point it is not even about Kenya’s mother. It’s about Kenya. Thanks Andy Cohen for another rude and dark segment of Kenya bashing.
Cynthia and Peter’s Marriage
We move on from violent beatdowns, and childhood abandonment to talk about the latest Bravo divorce proceedings. That will make FOUR of the SEVEN women on the two couches who have divorced on this series. When Nene comes out later it will be five, but she basically did it just to fit in.
Peter comes out and says he thinks they are in a good place. Peter says he spends his time in Charlotte. Andy says it sounds like they are separated. Peter says they are not. If he was in the military no one would say anything about it. Then Porsha is asked why she is always talking about Peter cheating. Kenya jumps in after Porsha says that Cynthia needs to sweep her house because it is not clean. Kenya brings up the African dictator terrorist dude who rented or bought that Bentley for Porsha to drive and all of the alleged johns she as that she escorts with for handbags. The infamous comment that Porsha needs to shut her mouth because if their ain’t a dick in it she can’t make sense comes out. Porsha shoots back with “Why don’t you talk about the one you tuck everyday before you come to work, bitch.”
Porsha says to Cynthia, “I know how your waitresses are getting paid, and it’s full of penis.” So wait they get a sack of dicks? What? Peter tells Porsha to publish the list of all of these women that he is sleeping with. Put it all out there. On this interview he said he offered Porsha $10,000 for the list of women he is sleeping with.
Andy for some reason brings up the guy that Phaedra was (allegedly) sleeping with, “Mr Chocolate.” My sources say this was something she was absolutely doing and for whatever reason Bravo/production left that alone. Perhaps the two little props were pulled out as sympathy cards. Just a guess. But something happened and that storyline got dropped right quick. But that whole “a girl friend they call white chocolate” story has been rejected by the streets of Atlanta as a bunch of bullshit to cover up Phaedra’s misdeeds. Somehow, it seems Phaedra is never held accountable for anything. Once again, Andy barely touches on the Chocolate story and doesn’t even say the word chocolate. Cynthia said she regrets sharing the information about Mr. Chocolate with Phaedra. Andy tries to get Peter and Cynthia to say it is not the show’s fault their marriage is ruined. But I think Andy must get some pleasure out it, because he never hesitates to air the dirty laundry.
Oh you HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Andy stops the damn recording to bring out one of the little props. What the fuck is wrong with this man? We were JUST TALKING ABOUT HIS MOTHER’S ALLEGED AFFAIR AND YOU ROLL THE KID OUT? He has the kid ask questions. Then he goes right into asking about her felonious husband. Then we have all the fake children scenes. While this is happening, I should point out it is Easter Sunday and this woman of God is NOT BEING AT HOME BEING A MOTHER or bringing Easter baskets or dying Easter eggs. She’s off on her prayer cloth tour. Meanwhile her mother stopped over to see the boys today who have been with a sitter for several days and will be all next week.
Phaedra talks about the prison visit and claims that someone was giving/getting a handjob in the visitation room. I find that hard to believe, but okay. She isn’t sure if she will be taking the boys back. I guess it depends if she is back on next season (from the looks of things she will be) and whether or not Bravo keeps trying to push the mother role on to her. Then Phaedra rants on Kandi for trying to have an opinion on what she should do as far as taking her kids when they don’t even check on her kids. Bitch, Kandi doesn’t need to check on your kids, they are never with you any damn way. ALLEGEDLY. Phaedra says she is putting money on Apollo’s books, returning all his emails and speaking to him on the phone. She has been good to him even though he was not good to her.
Now Kandi is pissed. Kandi sad it was sad that when she saw the boys come out of prison Dylan didn’t even know who Apollo was. That’s all she said. AND THEN ANDY ATTACKS KANDI saying, you don’t understand that she doesn’t want Dylan to know someone who is locked behind bars. Kandi says he is not going to be locked up forever. Basically Phaedra sits there like butter would not melt in her mouth while ANDY COHEN takes her side and argues with Kandi. Phaedra seems to think that Peter and Apollo should stop by and fix her faucets or do…. I don’t know what for those two boys. You know Phaedra who is NEVER FUCKING HOME. Her version is that she is lawyering 12 hours a day and embalming 12 hours a night while baking cookies and driving the kids to school every day. They neighbors version is there are usually two to four people there raising those boys while Phaedra is off talking about Phaedra or trying to get on TV when somebody else’s sons are getting shot by the police talking about “raising black boys” something she has never been seen attempting to do her own damn self by anyone I know who knows her. Shut up Phaedra! Damn.
Phaedra claims she will not start dating until her divorce is final. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Sorry. I just remembered a funny joke.
Oh GAWD DAMN ANDY. Are you really this dumb, or are you just this much of a slimeball. He wants to talk about Ayden saying in the car that he will always be her baby. Phaedra tries to cry for this scene. I can’t. I got up for a snack. Did she manage a tear? Or just the Farrah Abraham whisper cry?
Oliver and the THOT
Before the THOT even tells her fairytale, let me just give you the spoiler. They filmed together twice. That is the extent of the situation. After Bravo flew him down to Jamaica, that was the end of that. Free trip, free blowjobs.
The Miami Trip
Phaedra said a bunch of racist shit. She basically said something about Kenya acting like a “white woman from suburbia.” Then they discussed Phaedra comparing Glen to Mike Brown. I must have missed that part. Kenya points out that everyone who watched that thought it was inappropriate including the President of Black Lives Matter who tweeted Phaedra to tell her she was inappropriate. Kenya said in her constant attempts to scapegoat Kenya when she brought Mike Brown’s name into it to further her political platform she mad a huge ass out of herself.
Suddenly, the only person who felt threatened by Glenn was Kandi. Despite the fact that Kim Fields was sitting right there acting all scared when it happened, she is completely denying it now. Sheree just wanted to fuck the kid, so she was fine with whatever, and Porsha was busy with her trick of the day…This is just INSANE to watch.
Finally it ends with Kandi cussing out Phaedra, Porsha and Kim Fields about not sticking up for Kenya over the Glen incident. The dude was a violent thug who was throwing up gang signs and calling everyone bitches and violently threw his aunt on the ground, and all she was doing was trying to keep everyone safe.
The three of them sit there looking stupid an and Kandi says, “Why y’all bitin’ your tongue, now?”
Next Week: Kim Fields screams, “Please Play the fucking tape back!” And I am sort of on her side about the gay stuff, but she is such a flip flopping cunt that at this point I really could care less.