Clearly, this is the day for really stupid news stories. First we started with THIS RIDICULOUS STORY where Phaedra Parks is claiming she tirelessly works five days a week in her law office (my sources say she hasn’t been seen in donkey ears) and then she stays up at night embalming bodies and if she has any leftover bodies she does them on the weekends in between planning Saturday funerals and presumably teaching Sunday school every Sunday morning and Training Union every Sunday night. Oh and of course her first priority is her two sons. Oh and she also embalmed her grandmother in 2012 despite not taking any coursework until 2014. In 2014, apparently two of her friends committed suicide and her sister died and her law partner died and she thought, like any normal grieving person, “Damn, I wish I could embalm them all. That would be so awesome!” I swear. I am not making this up. It was actually printed on Page Six! Remember when Page Six was a site where NYC Socialites (not reality show participants) were photographed at fancypants galas and benefits doing fancypants things because they were actual socialites and actually rich? Today marked the day the Page Six jumped the shark for me. Do actual rich people in NYC even know who Phaedra Parks, moonlighting undertaker is?
But I digress. Because I am still not over reading that asinine piece of Frankensteinesque fiction. But I feel compelled to tell you that TMZ has their own ridiculous story out. I’m used to TMZ being ridiculous though. But they have “a source” which I believe to be a made up voice in TMZ intern’s head that cracked me the fuck up.
It breaking news is that Cynthia and Peter are separated, y’all! You don’t say. Welcome to 2014! But wait, there’s more.
Remember back in August of 2014 when Peter Thomas and Kordell Stewart opened Sports One in Charlotte, North Carolina? Of course you do! Because who was there to film the opening? Claudia Jordan, Cynthia Bailey, Kenya Moore, and some of the other unimportant housewives. Remember Claudia and Kordell sort of fake flirting because it’s fun to piss of Porsha?
Anyway, Kordell quickly and quietly bailed on Sports One (something happened he didn’t like. Perhaps a financial source he didn’t want to be involved with? /cough) and Peter was the only owner in town and quickly relocated to Charlotte. Pretty much the only time he would come home was when RHOA was filming. Because who wants a peach more than any bitch working it to get a peach? Peter. Peter Thomas is DYING for a peach. So many sites call him Peachter that he once showed up at a reunion with a peach. Peter got Cynthia on the show and she moved from NYC for RHOA because Peter really, really, really, really, really wanted to do the show. Peter married Cynthia on the show, because he really, really, really, really wanted a wedding by Bravo like all the housewives he so wants to be. Peter was called a little bitch by Nene, who used to like him, because Peter kept trying to upstage Nene in her big scenes. Did I mention how very desperately Peter wants a peach? Because I am going somewhere with this.
But first, (said in my best Julie Chen voice) I need to remind you that Peter is also trying to get his own show like Vanderpump Rules set at Sports One in Charlotte. I’ve seen casting calls for such a thing going out in Charlotte. He is doing it on his own hoping to have a reel to send in to Bravo, best I can tell. He is also “in the process” (since 2014) of opening TWO MORE bars in Charlotte. WHERE HE HAS LIVED SINCE 2014!
He also threatened to divorce Cynthia in 2013 because she gained weight due to fibroids. Yet he keeps hanging with her because HE WANTS TO BE ON RHOA! It’s basically THE ONLY TIME HE IS IN ATLANTA! BECAUSE HE REALLY REALLY WANTS A PEACH!
I hear you saying, yes Tamara we get it. We read here all the time. We watch the show. We are not idiots. Why do you keep stating the obvious? So here is why.
Tonight TMZ posted that Cynthia and Peter are separated. Um DUH! But it gets worse.
This is what TMZ sources are telling them, ” We’re told it’s been this way for months, (try years) because Peter decided he doesn’t want to do ‘Housewives’ anymore. He thinks the show drama — which has focused on their marital issues — is making it too hard to patch things up when cameras are off.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH! The big boys have been posting some stupid shit today. I try not to mock other sites that are run but one person, but Page Six and TMZ are big commercial sites. And they have been SOFA KING hilarious today I just had to
mock them to the gods and back share.