I totally forgot about the Vanderpump Rules reunion. I am watching it now in real time as it didn’t tape. Kristen is half naked. There is a lot discussion about James and his drinking problem. Kristen discusses how she “found” the Uber receipt for James cheating with Jenna but going through the emails in his trash folder. Kristen seems really irritated by James in real time. James accuses Kristen of cheating multiple times while the were together. She would sneak off to Hollywood Hills and come back with her face smelling awful. I don’t even want to know what that means. There is a discussion where everyone thinks that James just got with Kristen to be on the show. Which is true. Ariana is so jealous of Kristen it’s hilarious.
Lala gets called out for being a whore. She swears that she doesn’t sleep with any of the rich old men who take her on trips. Speaking of whores, Jax is discussed in relation to Lala. Katie tries to use the word ‘penetrate’ in a sentence. This is funny since I’m not sure she has ever been penetrated.
Scheana is miserable because no one has talked to her yet and it’s a third of the way over.
Oh speak of the devil, they have brought out Mike Shay. So we can once again hear about Scheana’s Rehab Plan. LVP really sticks up for Scheana. I guess she is extremely grateful that Scheana testified during her trial, even though it didn’t last. Scheana lies about what is going on with Shay. Jax apologizes for saying Scheana’s marriage would not last. Even though he is right. Shay tries to defend Scheana’s idiotic behavior. Andy tells Scheana everything she did was the wrong way to deal with it. Everyone agrees. LVP again tries to defend Scheana. LVP doubts that Mike could just stop popping pills cold turkey. She doesn’t seem to care for Mike very much. Scheana is Mike’s new addiction.
We talk about Ariana’s 30th birthday with the kids theme. I must have missed that episode. Oh yeah, I watched that. I watched when the boys played on the bulldozers. I probably skipped over the part with Ariana. Andy says that Jax and the Toms strip around each other more than he does with his gay friends. This turns into a conversation about who has had a same sex relationship. Jax is the worst liar in the world. Andy says he doesn’t believe Jax and he thinks to Jax, a hole is a hole. Sometimes Andy is right. Then he asks Sandoval to show his tattoo on his ass again. And Ariana fingers his ass crack on national TV. Her mother should be so proud.
Everyone bashes Kristen for daring to apologize to Ariana. Because that is the worst thing ever. Ariana still doesn’t admit that she was cheating with Sandoval while he was with Kristen. Ariana and Tom said she just apologized to try and get on the Hawaii trip. Then Sandoval says she just apologized because her therapist told her she should. Tom and Ariana are still very pissy with Kristen. Like little purse dogs yapping. Those two are so annoying.
Remember when reunions were great because we would find out new stuff and not rehash the season for hours on end? Did I imagine that?
Lala said that she thought she and Kristen were going to be friends. As those two try to talk it out, Ariana jumps in randomly goes after Kristen again when once again Kristen says she is not fake. Ariana is more obsessed with Kristen than any of us could ever be.
Next Week: James and Jax fight. LVP and Stassi go at it. And James calls everyone an asshole.