Since I am already in a funk today, I’m going to finally peek at the two Mob Wives episodes sitting on my DVR. I’m not sure if I will continue to recap Mob Wives after this. We’ll see. I’ll be ignoring the two little new morons in my recaps regardless. I prefer to stick with the morons I know, thank you very much.
We begin with humor! Karen, Renee and Carla are at a baseball game where the national anthem is being played. Or the Star Spangled Banner. They are not sure. Because, idiots. They are also not sure whether or not they are supposed to put their hand over their hearts. Which is a bit trickier. It used to be that you simply stood at attention. I just looked up the changes in etiquette (like a real housewife of Potomac) and it seems this change occurred in 1998. This is why young people do it and old people don’t always. #TheMoreYouKnow #Rainbow But either way, Renee was adamant it was the Nation Anthem and Karen was adamant it was the Star Spangled Banner. Then, when the anthem got to words “star spangled banner” it seems as though Renee admits she was wrong, it was not the National Anthem.
Anyway, Big Ang shows up in the owners box of the Cyclones follow by Drita and the blond moron. Big Ang is going through some anxious waiting for testing and is looking forward to having a good time. There is indoor and outdoor seating. This looks like a great way watch a game.
In this episode, we see Big Ang being told she has very early stage lung cancer in her left lung. It all progressed from there and at some point the doctors seem to miss what is happening in the right lung. The scene with this doctor and the image up on the screen could be valuable in a malpractice suit. This is also why you would request copies of all of your lab work and imagery for your own records.
Big Ang goes to tell Drita she has lung cancer. Big Ang doesn’t want to burden her family. She is just telling Drita. Ang is so mad at Neil. Drita points out that Ang has issues asking for support and that was likely why Neil wasn’t at the doctor’s appointment. She probably didn’t ask him to come, or let him know the seriousness of it.
Carla’s kids turned 13! That seems so odd. She is having co-parenting problems and has been ever since her ex remarried. But when she calls him on the phone, he seems really nice and willing to accommodate her demands.
Remember when everyone sat down in a warehouse and swore to be BFFs and stop shit talking each other? Yeah well that never happened. And Karen is talking about Drita again. Things like this are why she is persona nongrata at a lot of places.
Big Ang hasn’t seen Neil since her doctor’s appointment. Apparently, Neil is never home and always claims he is working. Big Ang has never seen him with any income, so she is suspicious. They have a big fight where she throws out she had to go to the doctor by herself. He says she doesn’t tell him when her appointments are, he works from six in the morning until midnight. I think on Couples Therapy they talked about Neil going out drinking and not coming home. Again, I hate to make excuses for Neil, but I can see going out drinking if your spouse has cancer. You might need a place to let your feelings out. Meanwhile Ang says she is not going to pay Neil’s insurance ( $900 a month, thanks ObamaCare! ) and he says it is not under her name, and he pays it. Ang goes off on Neil and tells him to get out, but he is not leaving. It’s his house too. Then she says she doesn’t want to be married to him anymore. She tells him to go home to his mother. This is all really sad to watch. This is how Angela was at first on Couples Therapy but by the end they seemed to be in a great place. I am not really sure where on the timeline Couples Therapy was filmed, but I am really hoping it was after all of this. But even if it was, by the time Big Ang was on Dr. Oz, we they were right back in this spot.
On to the next episode… I hope in this episode, we see someone checking on Neil.
We start with Drita working on her book. She has finished her first draft. It looks thin for a book; but, I wouldn’t mind reading it. Her daughter wants a dog but she has to convince her dad first and Drita rehearses her to perfect her technique. All the while though, Drita is still plotting a violent encounter with Karen. Meanwhile, Renee’s kid AJ has started his criminal career with public urination. I guess even mob kids have to start somewhere.
While the new girls are on screen, I’m sitting here wondering when we can move on to other shows that are not about grown women acting like middle school girls. All of the most popular shows that are recapped here are about women brawling. And nearly everyone complains about it and says they are no longer going to watch it, but the proof is in the views. The shows like Top Chef, or Child Genius, or Project Runway barely get a glance. The Walking Dead doesn’t compete with brawling women here, even though on Twitter it trends at #1 every Sunday night. This is why I don’t recap any of the scripted shows I used to anymore. The reason we keep getting new franchises of the Real Housewives is because people are watching. If you weren’t watching, then they would disappear. Instead, they are multiplying like animals on Vanderpump’s Neverland Ranch.
Back on Mob Wives, Big Ang is home alone doing her laundry and taking care of herself. Neil shows up with flowers. He says the crucial missed appointment was the first appointment he has missed. He’s sorry he wasn’t there. Ang says she tired of doing everything for the both of them. Neil is teary eyed. He pleads with her. She needs her husband to take care of her after her surgery. She finally lets him back in. ..on the couch in the basement.
Days before Big Ang’s lung surgery, she is filming with Carla in a furniture store talking about of ridiculous rumors passed between the two little twatheads that has spilled over to Drita and Karen. This shit is ridiculous all the time, but is obscene now that Big Ang is dead.
These shows start and end with a brawl, and then for some reason they all have scenes with their children. Is the editing meant to highlight that these morons have reproduced? Is the intention to make us fear for the future of this country? Because that is what I am taking from it.
Big Ang goes to tell Drita she has a big surgery on Friday but the focus quickly changes to trying to talk Drita out of killing Karen. But you know what? Culling the herd is often a really positive thing for a species. Drita loses her fucking mind. Like she started talking to her lipsticks, crazy. I’m mostly thinking Big Ang should avail herself of some of those sample lipsticks and branch out just a few shades darker. Really, all I can focus on are Ang’s lips and the table of lipsticks. Drita’s lipstick shade is perfection though. As she screams about breaking Karen in half, or at the very least sending her back into the witness protection program, all I really care about is what shade that lipstick is. It’s really the most interesting thing about this scene. A good lipstick is hard to find, y’all. I wonder if I walked into Lady Boss and asked Drita what color of lipstick she chooses to wear when making death threats if she could direct me to the proper shade.
Karen wants to distract Big Ang from her upcoming surgery because she is very nervous. You know what can really distract a girl from stressful thoughts? Dick. So Karen takes Big Ang to a male bordello. Oh wait. No she doesn’t because there aren’t many of those. Instead she take her to an “art class” where some college kid will stand there with his stuff hanging out for everyone to look at while pretending to draw. Honestly, that’s not quite as good. But straight male prostitutes are even harder to find than the right shade of lipstick. So this is going to have to do. Renee and Carla show up too. Renee says she hasn’t seen a penis with the lights on in years. Lights out is usually best for all parties involved after a certain age. And these ladies, and I presume their partners, reached a certain age a decade ago. Angela had the best time! And that is all that counts.
The episode ends with Neil driving a terrified Angela to the hospital for her lung surgery. Heartbreaking.