OMG I am so happy Catfish is back. It’s finally midnight and I can stop publicizing the day’s posts and get to something fun. I know this show is scripted and fake, but I don’t care. The people are real and they still do stupid things for my amusement. I can’t believe this is only the fifth season!
For the premiere we have a gay male three way. But only the Catfish, Josiah, who lives in Philly, knows about the three way. Josiah is in an on again off again TR with Deejay from St. Louis. Deejay has been on the hook for seven years! Is that a record? Josiah at some point admitted he was not the guy in the photos and showed Deejay and nerdier but still cute new face to get used to.
Meanwhile over in Charlotte, NC, we have Malik. He has the same on and off story and he too has been in a relationship for five years with a guy named Josiah who lives in St. Louis. We think it’s the same guy but Max and Nev decide not to share this info with Deejay and Malik just yet. There are probably lots of Josiah’s in St. Louis, right?
First we meet Dejay. He is adorable. He met Josiah on a black gay male site. Dejay considers Josiah his first love. He says that Josiah is a home health aide. That’s a good sign. He’s not claiming to be a famous rapper, or a model for men’s underwear. After Nev and Max hang up, Nev tells Max that he described Josiah as black. This was odd for many reason, but mostly because Max was on the same video call. So I already know now that Josiah is white. Nevis notorious for slips like that. Let me scroll back to see if he also tells Max that Josiah is a dude. I’m not sure what gender we are looking for in Philly yet. I do know that seven years ago, Dejay was 17 and five years ago Malik was 15. I am wondering about crazy pedophiles at this point. Unbothered, the boys head to St. Louis first to chat in person with Dejay.
Dejay is too cute for this nonsense, and intelligent. What’s his angle? I’m waiting for his secret singing talent or his amazing acting reel. There is some reason he is doing this on TV. Perhaps just to be on TV. But this show is not usually a good look. Dejay’s first love has him blocked on Facebook. That’s weird. I might take that personally if I was in some sort of bizarre LDR with someone. Dejay thinks it is weird Josiah doesn’t know how to Facetime. I think it is weird Dejay doesn’t know how to drill down the dirt on someone online. Of course that ability would make Nev and Max sort of useless. I mean once we don’t need them to use TinEye or do a reverse phone check online they will be obsolete. So let’s not focus on that. Oh wait! I just saw a commercial for MTV Suspect. The new show for the boys since people can do this stuff themselves now.
As it turns out Josiah’s other mark, Malik is also blocked on Josiah’s Facebook. So the boys tell Dejay about the double catfish situation. I think if they had told Malik that McDonald’s now has mozzarella sticks they would have gotten a much bigger reaction. So we can rule out Dejay hoping for an acting career. Oh wait, once Dejay confirms with Malik that they are talking to the same guy, we begin to get some emotion out of Dejay. Apparently Josiah uses the same lines on both guys. Funny how guys do that. Dejay is furious that Josiah has been playing games with him “This ain’t no fucking Nintendo!”
Max, Nev and Dejay got to Charlotte to pick up Malik for their confrontation with Josiah in Philly. Malik tells Dejay that when he was 15 Josiah was there for him when he came out. Malik is in love with him and he’s his first and perhaps only love. They were always going to be together in the end. The stories are different only in that apparently Malik busted Josiah living in Atlanta with a dude. And he had not heard the same stories about Josiah being a home health care aide like Dejay had. Dejay is in a home health care program of study so it would make sense for Josiah to make that story up.
It’s time for Dejay’s big scene. It’s a soliloquy on the front porch. It’s dramatic with hand gestures and brimming with emotion. Production must have told him to step up his game. Malik talks to Max. His concern is he sent him nekkid pictures! I have a feeling Malik has sent out a lot of nekkid pictures.
The whole squad looks into Josiah’s Facebook. I missed how they got in but there are photos and bits of information in there that they didn’t know. Malik picks that golden moment in time to mention that Josiah supposedly got a girl pregnant in 2012 and he had a baby.
Nev calls Josiah who is adamant that they can NOT come to Philly. I’m gonna take a wild guess that he is married, in the closet and had a baby in 2012 with his wife. He will come down to Charlotte though. I love how these people assume that no one will find out about them being on an episode of Catfish. I’ve actually had people from the show frantically contact me to remove their name from the recap. Um, I got it from a national TV show you signed waivers to be on. #Idiot. It’s like they didn’t expect to look ridiculous. Josiah is that guy. And he sounds old and predatory.
A cab pulls up with Josiah in it. The door opens. We got to commercial. OMG! Is a chick? A white guy? An old married man? Nope it’s the actual guy in the picture. That’s pretty much the most shocking thing that can happen on Catfish! Josiah freaks out a bit and says he can’t deal with both of them at one time. That would make keeping his stories straight a lot harder. Nev says this is a weird situation. He wonders why Josiah would never video chat since he is the guy in the pictures.
Nev and Max get with the important questions. We find out Josiah is 22 has a two year old kid, he is a home healthcare aide, he does live in Philly but has lived other places. Only Malik knew about the kid. Lowkey Dejay is no more and he is jumping all over the place freaking out. Malik has stood with his arms crossed, stock still the whole time and has not made a sound. Josiah is in a relationship with a guy and they have been together for two years. Josiah loves both guys so it has been hard to let them go. He says he loves one more than the other. Malik asks who, he says Dejay. I think he made that decision in the front yard where this is going down, but Josiah, who is known for being straight with folks, says it’s because he has known Dejay the longest. Josiah said he was never claiming to be exclusive with either one of them. For all they know, they both have other people they are about to text. As soon as Deejay starts to speak, Josiah runs for the hills. The entire show focused on Josiah’s reaction to being caught. He blocks you on Facebook, he hangs up on you , or in this case he sashayed on down the block with no way to get home to Philly. WTF is he going to do walk from Charlotte? Or earn his plane ticket home?
Nev convinces Josiah talk to them one at a time. Josiah gets all rude and condescending with Malik. Malik has been the coolest one in the situation at this point and Josiah is just trying to start trouble. Josiah will not listen to anyone he just wants to defend himself with no feedback. He runs down the street again calling Malik a bitch and a ho. Nice. He also tries to take is mic off, so this is looking quite real. Nev once again reels him back in to talk to Dejay. Josiah actually apologizes to Dejay from the jump. Dejay wants to understand why he did it. Josiah says he still has feeling for Dejay but there is nothing he can say to convince him. Dejay says, “yes, it is!’ Oh Dejay, don’t go back with this liar. You’re too cute for this game. Josiah has the same response. He wants to defend himself but her refuses to hear any feedback. Their verbal altercation threatens to become physical. Josiah is very predictable. Josiah runs for the third time and this time they just let him go.
Until the next day, on Catfish the Catfish is usually a lot more forthcoming on the next day. When they have had time to work on the new lies. Nev calls Josiah and he agrees to come over as long as they can talk like adults. Well, JoJo, in order for that to happen you are going to have to listen and not just spew your new position. Josiah does sort of listen, He clearly wants something with Dejay who also is still hung up on him. Poor Malik was completely overshadowed by Dejay and was treated badly. Malik would not shake hands with Josiah coming or going. But Deejay hugged Josiah when he left.
Time to check in two months later. Dejay seems to suggest that he and Josiah hooked up after the crew left in Charlotte. Dejay seems happy. Josiah says he told his boyfriend about the show and he is happier now just dealing with one person and doesn’t admit to still sexting with Dejay. Malik didn’t take the Facetime call from Nev and Max. He has blocked both Dejay and Josiah on social media and says he is currently in a monogamous relationship. I saw some recent youtubes by Malik and he has really leaned out and changed up his style! He is the real winner here.
I have to say, that was a great premiere. Bring on season five!