DRINKING GAME ALERT! Every time you hear this phrase, “my journey,” drink until you think you are Ralph Kramden, then make a fist and say, “One of these days, Alice, POW straight to the moon! How’s that for a journey?” (Disclaimer: Domestic Violence is bad. We’re merely acting out an iconic scene from The Honeymooner. Save your PC whining. )
Every night when I’m getting ready to recap WWHL I open a tab with Andy’s Twitter line and wait for the photo. This time I noticed the Bravo photos associated with tonight’s show and it showed Craig Ferguson’s name under a photo I didn’t recognize. I actually had to Google to make sure I was thinking about the right late night host. I was. He looks a lot different now. Better I guess. I can’t wait to see if Andy asked him about it. Maybe he’s been working out since leaving night time hosting.
Yolanda looked amazing on RHOBH tonight. Lovely nude makeup, complete with concealer as she screamed for quite some time at Lisa Rinna. I mean that was a lot of spoons. Speaking of spoons, our RHOBH and RHOP writer, Ben C has Q Fever or something. Or maybe he said it was the menopause. Anyway, he’s using it as an excuse to be very late on his assignments this week. Clearly he has run out of spoons. So I gave him a spoon bouquet and he swears he’ll have them in very soon. On top of being in a Lyme disease flare up, he also has opening night for his play this week. So somehow we are no longer a priority. I think I took enough links out of his chain to remind him what’s important.
Okay, the photo is up, time to go in. I wonder if Andy will ask about her makeup and hair dye. First of all, Yolanda is listed as Yolanda Foster in my TV’s show description, but Andy has made a big deal all week out of calling her Yolanda Hadid. Craig has a new show call Join or Die where people debate history. It premieres this Thursday on the History Channel. I’ll have to check that out. If Craig is on it has to be humorous intellectual discussion.
Andy says that Yolanda and Lisa Rinna were at the same fashion show recently. Yolanda says that Anwar told her that but she didn’t see her. Those fashion shows are actually quite small and crowded. You are also facing half the crowd from your seat and seated in very tight quarters with the other half. I’m just saying. Have the lies already started? Even Craig jokes that he doesn’t believe her.
Andy plays a montage of Yolanda pretending she doesn’t know how to say Munchausen. Ohhhhh the poll question is whose side are you on, Lisa or Yolanda? I hope Andy puts up the real results.
Questions for Yolanda:
How is single life.? “I haven’t tried it yet. I’m still at home trying to get well.” When I am not flying off to fashion week.
How is your new home? “It beautiful, I mean it’s not completely furnished yet, but I love the space and I’m starting to get used to the new normal.” I just wish David would give me all the furniture I plan to hijack from the Malibu house soon.
Where is the fridge? The fridge I had to leave behind in Malibu. I have a baby fridge now.” By that I mean, I have a fridge like the commoners. It’s dreadful.
Why did you change your name back to Hadid? ” She gave a long story in which she said she talked with her kids and they wanted her to use Hadid. She’s thinking of the churren.
Are you in touch with Kim and Brandi still? “Yes, all the time. Yes. They’re great. You know it’s funny that of the whole group, these are the two that deal with the most trouble in their life…they are they really have the most compassionate (sic) of my journey And they’ve been really good to me.” Oh yes, your journey.
A montage of Yolanda’s um, “journey” is played.
Which bitch pissed you off the most for questioning your journey? “Well you know obviously that was shot six months ago so, looking back, you know it’s hurtful. It’s one thing if the world talks about and doubts my journey. Obviously, I’m sharing my journey to bring awareness to Lyme disease and you know, chronic invisible disease in general. And that’s the purpose of my sharing I’m not sharing for a pity party or trying to get any special attention. I’m as frustrated as the disease as anybody else. But I want answers and I want a cure. ” I should point out that when I transcribed Teresa Giudices interviews, I typed in all the times she said “you know” I am not doing that tonight. But she said it at least five times in that answer alone. Something Teresa and Yolanda have in common, the repeated injection of “you know” into every sentence, sometimes multiple times.
Fun Fact: Many sites that analyze speech for veracity say that use of the phrase, “you know” is a way to distance the liar from the lie. Rather than say I am using Instagram to spread awareness and not look for a pity party. She says,”you know” in front of all the important parts. FYI this is not the same as saying you know at the end of a questioning sentence which is a request for understanding.
Poor Craig. Suddenly he realizes that if he doesn’t talk about Yolanda and her health, he might as well just go home. So he asks how she is feeling now, six months after feeling. He says she looks good. Yolanda says, “See that is the problem. I wish I look bad and feel good. Instead of looking good and feeling bad.” Craig says no she doesn’t. I haven’t hit play yet and I hear the Ricardo Montalban quote getting ready to fly. But it doesn’t.
Andy played a clip of Rinna revealing on WWHL that it was her hairdresser that told her about Munchausen. Craig is now just rolling with the stupidity. “What! How many hairdresser does she have? It can’t be too hard to figure this out!” Andy asks if it surprises her. She said yeah, because who listens to a hairdresser? She should have told her hairdresser she was crazy.
Andy starts talking about a scene with Pinky, Erika and their husbands. He can no longer contain himself. He starts cracking up hysterically. Andy brings a level of seriousness back to his broadcast by introducing a game called, “See you later, Vandergator!” And Ferguson who had a Zombie for a side kick and two people in a horse costume frequently trotting across his stage is looking around for the exits. They play clips of Lisa Vanderpump saying mean things and they have to decide if they are cheeky or mean. They said they were all mean. And Yolanda was glad that Craig was there to say that for her. Because that is how she operates. Craig is the new Erika Jayne.
More Yolanda questions?
What do you think of your daughter’s famous boyfriend? She says which one and I immediately thing she meant which boyfriend of Gigis. But Andy quickly reminds her she has two famous daughters. Andy says you’ve got Zayn and the Weeknd. She says it’s their choice and as long as they treat her well, “it’s all good for me.” I’m sure that last part wasn’t a Freudian slip, just a language issue. Andy says, aren’t you glad you got them and not Tyga? (seriously Andy?) Yolanda says you can’t tell your kids who to date you just have to pray for the best.
Why do the other housewives want to believe you are faking? “You know what? They may be saying what a lot of other people are thinking. There’s such ignorance when it comes to invisible disease… ” I just can’t with this invisible disease shit. Most all diseases are not blatantly obvious. Flesh eating bacteria, mumps, measles, and leprosy are the exceptions not the rule. Just stop.
Do you feel like you owe Lisa Vanderpump an apology for overreacting to the statement about your kids? And for a brief second, Yolanda’s face flashes deep anger and resentment. Someone should capture that. Then she smiles and says no absolutely not. She really does hate Lisa Vanderpump.
Are you back to dying your hair and painting your nails? Nope no nail polish and organic highlights from Whole Foods.
Poll Question: Whose side are you on? Yolanda 58% and Rinna 42% Seriously?