By Guest Contributor Ben C.
Let me start out by saying, ERIKA JAYNE HAS A CHAPEL IN HER HOUSE. A chapel. Yes, you read that right. Miss Erika Jayne has enough time, space & money to build a chapel inside her own house. I bow down. Literally. Find a pew and anoint your head, because I’m feeling the spirit tonight! Let’s do this!
The episode begins with Lisa Vanderpump having Kyle over for tea. They’re planning a joint anniversary party (20 years for Kyle, 33 years for Lisa) and are going to check out the event space together. I’m always wondering how much security / greenery Lisa has surrounding the outside of her house. Her front doors (and seemingly the rest of the doors in the house) are completely glass from top to bottom, and additionally never seem to be locked. Kyle waltzes right in and finds Lisa in the kitchen. Lisa tells Kyle she’s angry no one gave her a heads up that Faye would be at the “barbecue” (Lisa says Kyle let the orangutan out of the cage!)
Vanderpump compares it to inviting “witchy-poo” (poor Carlton, she tried her hardest) to an event, and not telling Kyle about it. Kyle tells Lisa she would be taken aback at first, but then quickly move on. Which I’m sure Kyle would absolutely do…and afterwards proceed to whine to her other friends about it on camera. Lisa apparently has a really crude nickname for Faye she uses, but Kyle won’t allow her to say it on camera. Where’s Brandi Glanville when you need her?
Over in Malibu, Yolanda is taking a walk on the beach (her first one in over a year!) with Erika. Yolanda is getting the details on what happened after she left the barbecue. Erika goes right for it, and tells Yolanda she “overheard” (meaning she was sitting at an 8 person dinner table and directly heard the statement) Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle discussing Bella and Anwar not having Lyme Disease. (Side note: Can anyone find out if Anwar is of the legal age of consent? Asking for a friend.) I’m having a really hard time reading Yolanda’s reaction. It’s part bad acting, part semi-surprised disbelief. Yolanda tells Erika that Lisa Rinna called her earlier in the day. Lisa wants to set up a lunch date to “have a talk” one-on-one. Yolanda invited her over to her house (condo?) for coffee. They show a clip of the phone call, and I love Yolanda’s subtle shadiness. It really is an artform. She says the ladies are despicable for questioning her health and questioning her integrity as a women. Drag them!! PS: catch up on the ENTIRE #YolandaSaga here. TT has done a GREAT job of going over every detail!
Back across town, Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump arrive at the event space. We find out they are throwing a Moulin Rouge themed party. My thoughts are the same as Kyle’s, they all want an excuse to wear fishnets, thigh highs, and look trashy. They’re worried about being over capacity, so Lisa makes many passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) jokes hinting at uninviting Faye to free up space. The event space has a vault built in, and Lisa jokes about reserving a space for Faye inside of it. Sounds like fun.
Later, Erika has Lisa Rinna over to her house. Lisa wants advice on how to approach the Yolanda situation. I’m SO excited because….WE GET TO SEE ERIKA’S HOUSE!!! (re-read my above statement.) Erika lives in Pasadena. Take whatever from that you will. Her house is GORGEOUS. You can tell she’s from the south, it definitely has a classic old-south feeling to it.
Lisa loves it – describes it as “old money done right.” She says it makes Lisa Vanderpump’s house look like a disco. Erika gives Lisa a tour of the library, the dining room, and finally THE CHAPEL. Erika collects religious art, so instead of just having “another pointless room” (ugh, meaning she already has multiple “pointless” rooms) she built a chapel. Besides, she absolutely needs the extra prayer around these ladies. Rinna is shocked, for once. She’s been around a long time; seen a lot of things, done a lot of things – but never met someone with a chapel inside their own home. Erikas backyard looks like a damn resort. I proclaim here and now, I want to be Erika Jayne Girardi when I grow up. The ladies move to the back porch (or whatever you call a super fancy porch area that’s looks over beautiful plush gardens and pools with built-in fountains) to discuss Yolanda. Lisa starts to explain the whole Munchausen (or as Erika calls it “the word”) ordeal. Rinna claims she was told this information by another group of people. She bought into it, googled what it was, and passed the information along to Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle. She admits doesn’t think it was right, and doesn’t agree with it anymore. Lisa says she didn’t come up with “the word” – she never said it or brought it up originally, but she engaged in a conversation about it and now wants to clear the air with Yolanda.
We see a quick, random scene of Erika at a voice lesson. The girl can actually SING. Like, actually sing. Not “On Display” by Melissa Gorga style. Erika has an upcoming live performance in San Diego, and all the ladies are coming to see her. MY BODY IS READY!
Ah, I was wondering why I was so into this episode and not falling asleep. No Eileen! But speak of the devil, and the devil will appear. (Okay, she’s not that bad. Just so bland. So boring. Just like a cheap dry white wine.) Vince and Eileen are prepping for the Moulin Rouge party. I went to grab another beer during this scene. It’s forced soap opera acting between the two, and they really should be removed next season. She seems like such a nice lady, but they have enough soap opera money coming in so I’m not worried. .
Next, it’s time for Lisa Rinna arriving at Yolanda’s condo for “the talk.” Lisa is super nervous. She says Yolanda isn’t an easy person to talk to. Yolanda makes her uncomfortable – especially when in her own home. Lisa cuts right to the chase. She tells Yolanda her version of the Munchausen story. Lisa says people are confused at the conflicting photos Yolanda posts on Instagram. I wonder if Instagram gets paid every time a RHOBH says ‘Instagram’ outloud. She heard “the word” (Munchausen) and repeated it to the other ladies, and feels terrible. Lisa explains to Yolanda exactly what Munchausen is – and yet again, I can’t get a read on Yolanda’s reaction. Rinna wraps the conversation up pretty quickly, and uses Yolandas illness as the excuse to leave. She claims she can tell Yolanda is quickly getting tired, and can see she doesn’t feel well. I guess Lisa forgot just recently she didn’t believe Yolanda was even sick at all! Before she leaves, Lisa calls herself an “impulsive, stupid asshole.” With that, Yolanda seems pleased.
Over at Kyles house, Portia’s hair is fully grown out, professionally highlighted, and straightened.
The ladies are all getting ready for the Moulin Rouge dual-anniversary party. They show up all wearing variations of pretty much exact same costume – save Erika and Lisa Vanderpump, who added slightly more creativity to the generic outfits. Lisa Rinna, in my opinion, looks the greatest. Slicked back hair, with a long hair piece in the back. Legs for days. You better hustle, girl! #LisaJayne
They all arrive one by one at the event space and begin to mingle. There’s an awkward yet hilarious moment at the bar, when Kathryn reprimands Erika for using the c-word. (Erika is coming for your crown, Brandi!!) Erika makes it obvious she can’t be bothered with Kathryn at this moment in time. Kyle wants to show off how she’s kept her husband for 20 years, and does so by doing “the splits” (multiple times) for the ladies. You gotta give it to the girl, the splits ARE on point. Across the room, Lisa Vanderpump decides to approach Faye (“what would an anniversary party be without Faye Resnick?”) and they have a cold, yet friendly enough exchange. Miss Morally Corrupt ‘94 appears as if she came fresh from a botox & filler appointment. Those cheeks are positively PLUMPED! Her face literally doesn’t move the entire time. It’s stuck in a sort of scary, twisted, clown smile. I can’t tell if it’s from fear of Vanderpump, or the botox. Maybe a mixture of both.
Oh, Kathryn must be a dream for production. She jumps right into a conversation (about Faye) between Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump, and wastes no time giving her opinion on the topic. Spoiler alert: it’s not a good one. She thinks it’s gross Faye was involved in the whole OJ story at all. It was distasteful to write a book – especially to include her in it, pose for playboy, etc. Kyle attempts to stick up for Faye, she’s clearly annoyed with Kathryn. And also clearly intoxicated.
Cue the splits.
Next Week: The girls go to San Diego to watch Erika Jayne perform live! Yolanda has lunch with Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump and calls them out on bringing up her kids! The ladies get into a group discussion (argument?) about who spilled the beans to Yolanda. It’s getting good, ladies and gents!
Follow me/tweet me @bennayy and let me know what y’all thought!