Based on the title, I can only hope it is a spoiler for Drake, the kid with the most obnoxious parents, to go home. Last week on Child Genius, the tennis player kid, Drake, didn’t perform well in the competition. His mother performed even worse in the audience chattering away to whomever had the misfortune of sitting next to her about all the time, money and energy she has put into her spawn only to have him be a disappointment. I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it from my perspective. I should consider saying allegedly a lot as I was sent a link to a blog where the mother of Drake was mentioned as an example of someone who buys followers on Twitter. The blogger was sent a cease and desist threat by someone on her staff. It was kind of funny because apparently someone on “her team” threatened to send a cease and desist. Which I guess is some sort of pre-warning, warning. I print my cease and desist letters out and hang them next to my subpoenas. Anyway, Drake’s mom is clearly rather touchy. She’s probably hungry. I don’t think they eat much in California. They are probably very dehydrated out there what with the water shortage. Um, moving on.
It’s Spelling and Geography night! These are two of my favorite subjects!
Speaking of my favorites, my homeboy Adrian, age 12, gets the first heartwarming package. Adrian is a high school student and is also jointly enrolled in college at Point University at the Peachtree City location. He meets up with his older high school pals and shares that while he is younger than all of them he is going to graduate first. He says he is not “boasty or arroganty”. He does seem a bit “arroganty” though.
Selah is preparing for the spelling competition. Her parents are pretty laid back, but she almost went home last week so they are feeling the pressure. Selah wants to be a brain surgeon has a brain surgery game she likes to play. Her parents reward her with candy. It appears she gets a lot of answers right.
Jaden’s mother Sarah, who feeds her kid only organic raw vegetables blessed by one armed monks in Tibet, is horrified by the sugar reward system Selah’s parents employ. I hope Selah outlasts her kid. Jaden lives in Chico, California. This means they could have won last night’s Powerball. That would be tragic. Jaden is unschooled. You know like Jaden Smith and his sister Willow. And well they are turning out all right. Mostly. If you are down with boys unschooling in very pretty dresses.
Drake’s mother Deborah takes him to a library in Silcon Valley. Deborah tells us, the viewers, that “it is better to have failed and tried than never to have failed at all.” And that philosophy is something the tries to “subscribe” to her kids. Perhaps she means instill in her kids? I’m reminded once again about that blog I read. It also discussed how some of the most unlikely books get on the NYT Bestseller List because the authors themselves purchase them in massive quantities. Did I mention Deborah was on the NYT BestSeller List? Let’s keep a special eye on her way with words. Or drink every time she says Silicon Valley. Or Both. I’ll have to participate with water, because 2016 is my year. And by my year, I mean I am only eating crap that Jaden’s mother would approve of and drinking water.
Back to Drake. Is he the same kid who could not add two digit figures in his head last week? Because this week, he thinks entrepreneur starts with an A. I wonder how much it costs to have your mediocre kid certified as a genius for a TV show? I’m just wondering aloud for no reason. Allegedly. Dino, is Drake’s dad and he has arrived to shield his son from Deborah. Dino needs to take Drake and flee the country. Brazil might be nice. He could find a hot mamacita and settle down.
There is a guy on this show call Dr. Timothy Gunn. AKA TIM GUNN y’all! Which reminds me Project Runway Jr. is next! More kids crying! Only those kids seem quite composed. Perhaps because there parents are not there. Where are their parents?
Jaden the unschooled kid who survives solely on food on the Paleo Diet is first. Jaden has never heard of the word ‘sojourn.’ I suppose there is no speech teacher when unschooling. Somehow Jaden gets 8/10
Chancellor, everyone’s favorite phone hacker is adorbs. Chancellor had some hard words and got 8/10.
Arnav is not here to play. His mother’s biggest issue with him is that he will not stop reading for pleasure. His words were easy. VERY easy. And he missed defendant. 9/10. His mother is pissed.
Selah has something to prove this week. She only got a 5/10. Damn it, man!
Claire is cute and likes to have fun. She got a 10/10.
Adrian is very confident. He flew through all the words with a perfect score. 10/10
Giana has a strict mom who is really into this and a free spirit dad that just wants her to be a kid. They live in different cities. She has strict rules with her mom and none with her dad. I have no notes on her from last week. She is very nervous with her parents there. She passes a lot and got only 1/10. She is SUNK unless she gets a 10 in geography. And maybe even then.
Drake is up attempting to fail as directed. I think he has a hearing problem. He is doing terrible and started to spell heuristic with a Q. If he went to school like normal people, a teacher would have noticed this. Drake spelled zero words correctly. All Giana has to do is beat Drake and she will be fine. Drakes mother was rendered speechless the entire time. 0/10
PARENTAL SHAMING HALFTIME
This time there is little public shaming. But Arnav is beating himself up because he missed a question. Seleh is crashing from her sugar high just like Jaden’s mom predicted. Drake wants to quit. His dad says no.
Claire got a 10/10 and got the Libya question right! Go Claire!
Adrian was gunning for Claire after they both got perfect scores in round 1. He got 7/10 (and missed his North Africa question)
Iris (who?) got a 1/10 if Iris lets Drake stay….grrr…
Sam got 5/10 but his questions were hard.
Vivek had hard questions and scored a 9/10. Very impressive.
Chancellor only got 4/10. Not his subject.
Arnav is in a bad headspace because he missed a spelling word that was easy. The astronaut guy doesn’t know how to pronounce Qatar. He got 8/10.
Drake passed on nearly everything. He just got 1/10. So all it takes is 2/20 to stay. YAY! Selah is in and Giana only needs to get one right!
Selah only got one right (and it was a flag question) but I didn’t know many more of her questions they seemed hard.
Giana, come on girl, you just need one right to stay! After giving me a heart attack she gets a 4/10.
Three tied for second highest, Adrian (who is pissed to be in a three way tie for second and makes excuses), Arnav and Vivek) Claire is all alone in first with two perfect scores. This is killing my homeboy.
Drake is sent packing. If you are playing the Silicon Valley game you need to kick back some shots.