Mob Wives Season 6 Double Recap: Mobbed Up Mermaids & Cabin In The Woods Part I

Mob Wives is back and the season starts with back to back episodes. I  am going to have a lot to say because it’s been awhile since we saw the show.  I wish they wouldn’t give up two episodes right off the bat! This season is called The Last Stand. Sounds like a final season to me. I guess with Big Ang having cancer, that sadly recently relapsed and numerous others having legal issues, it might be all she wrote.

I either missed a lot at the end of the last season, or I just don’t remember it. That reunion looks epic, I may have to hunt for it on demand. It seems like this show was last on ten years ago and I can’t remember half the girls names or who likes who. I am always ride or die with Drita This could take a while to recap.

Karen Gravano  (Father: Sammy The Bull)

We start on a lovely day outdoors at Karen’s house for a BBQ. Karen is grilling on aluminum foil. Aluminum will kill you people! Don’t do that!  The freshly baptized Karen is the first to arrive. Karen let’s us know she is still on the outs with the stupid chick from Philly, Natalie. Natalie was last seen storming off the Reunion set and the girls think they are done with her.  These two talk about Karen going to sell Mob Candy jewelry at the Mermaid Parade on Coney Island. I want to go to a Mermaid Parade on Coney Island. I have spent a lot more time in Europe than I have in the NE United States. I need to fix that!

Renee goes by Karen’s after their walk in the park. Karen is pissed that Renee won’t let Brittany hang out with them. Karen explains that the way that Renee talked about Britanny personally insulted her because of her situation with her father. So, Renee feels bad and says Brittany can come to the Mermaid parade with her. I predict this will not end well.

Big Ang (Uncle: Salty Dogs Lombardi)

Angie is at the doctor. This is so damn sad. She is in for a post op visit from her throat surgery but they show some footage shot from the night before surgery where Big Ang is very nervous. Neil never left Big Ang’s side. Ang is not psyched about the new diet, exercise, and no smoking lecture from the doctor.

Later Big and Neil go to the Drunken Monkey and it is sadly shut down. I always wanted to go there. Ang says she was forced to close the Drunken Monkey because she is a felon. How is that now suddenly a thing? She’s been running that place forever, and on TV no less.  Time to pack up tones of alcohol and 8 years of memories. Drita comes to help. Her shop is right next door. Her clients are devastated. Someone called the liquor board and told them that she is a convicted felon. Felons can’t have liquor licenses.  Drita is pissed. So she can’t work? I agree. She has owned that bar for eight years, and no trouble with the law. So sad.

Drita D’Vanzo (Husband Lee D’Vanzo)

Drita’s kids are getting so big! Drita says that her life is great and Lee has settled back into the family and she is very happy with a nice normal life. Drita takes her kids to the projects where she grew up. She wants them to appreciate what they have. Drita wants to write a book about her life. I’d read it! She’s worried that Lee will be pissed. And he is.

Drita does not go to the Mermaid Parade because she doesn’t want to be around Carla. This will be important later.

Renee Graziano (Father: Anthony Grazino)

Renee invites, Drita, Karen and Ang to go for a walk with her in the park. Mostly, she just wants to check in with everyone and see how Big Ang is feeling. Renee and Ang are back to being besties, thank God. And Ang looks great. I think Drita got bigger boobs. They are huge. Were they always like that? Renee invites everyone to the Mermaid Parade. I think Ang said she has a doctor’s appointment that day. It’s hard to tell because her voice is raspier than ever after the surgery. Karen, who is not my favorite, wants to invite her friend Britanny who was in jail with her father and apparently that makes them practically family. Is she a new girl? Sorry. I had no idea the season was starting tonight until I saw it on my DVR so I have no clue what to expect this season and who will be an official mob wife. From the photos it looks like Natalie is the missing link and Brittany will just make an appearance. Oh WAIT! Brittany’s father is a rat. So Renee is not having it. She wants to meet Brittany before the parade to vet her. What the hell was Karen thinking trying to invite a rat’s kid?

Brittany Fogarty ( Father: John “Big John” Fogarty)

Well, maybe Brittany did make the cut. The very next scene is a very WASPy looking Brittany lotioning up by her pool. She tells the story of her dad being a drug dealer and her mother raising her alone. It sounds like she is back to Staten Island just to film the show. Her mother has a fit because there was a hit out on their family there. Brittany doesn’t care. I hate Brittany. I hope she is not a regular.

The Mermaid Parade Event

So everyone shows up for the Mermaid Event and Renee greets Brittany politely but makes it known in her talking head that she is going to keep a close eye on her. Then Carla shows up. All I remember about Carla is that I don’t like her. I don’t remember why. Oh Drita doesn’t like her. That’s all I need to know.

As the girls walk the parade in mermaid costumes, Karen’s friend Love Majewski shows up. I remember her. I think she was fucking someone’s ex or something last I saw her. Oh YAY! Carla hates Love, so clearly I love Love!  Love immediately apologies to Carla. Bummer. But way to take the high road, Carla. Oh WAIT!  Love is throwing Drita under the bus telling Carla that Drita set her up to get jumped by Love. Which is probably true but we are not playing checkers and pretending we are southern belles up in here. These girls will cut a bitch. There are very few rules. Carla’s bedazzled sperm facial accessory makes me want to jump her ass. Love needs to stop talking.

Another person who should stop talking is Brittany.  She talks about her mother cutting a deal to save herself by encouraging her father to rat. Then Brittany trash talks Renee in her talking head. She is trying to be the next Natalie and we all know what happened to her.

That is the end of the first episode. I am going to post this as Part I. Part II will be up shortly. I do need to eat something first. 🙂