A very special thanks to Ben who has agreed to recap all the RHOA and RHOBH shows through the end of holiday season!
We pick back up with Kenya snapping at the “Young Buck” Glen… Tammy’s ..er… Nephew?) and the extreme foreshadowing of his multiple violent offenses to come.
Southern-Belle Phaedra makes a comment about the party turning into a “swingers convention” to ease the tension. Keep bringing the class back to the #ATL, girl!
The group begins a game of Never-Have-I-Ever, while Kim steps off to call her husband and check in on the kids. Apparently, the Spaghettios her family had for dinner were a HIT. Because, Kim. TBH, Spaghettios (with meatballs) are always a hit. I have a couple of cans in my pantry right now. #goals
We learn Porsha and Sheree have experimented with Golden Showers (look it up) & Phaedras opinion on road-head/sex while driving is “everyone done did that” (I personally have not, but maybe because it took three times to get my drivers-license, so I really require as much attention on the road as possible)
Kandi clearly isn’t comfortable with the idea of the guys (I can’t call them men) inside/staying-at the house. Kim picks up on this and introduces her to the bunch, and they go off to avoid the obvious mess that is about to happen. We catch another glimpse (more than a glimpse) of Glen’s temper as he goes after Kandi for being standoffish. Two grown ass women (one pregnant!) minding their own damn business and this hulk comes out of no where.
Porsha announces in her talking head she has “left her inhibitions in Atlanta” – as we cut to the second unfortunate incident (besides Glen) of the night. She begins something of a ‘slow-twerk’ (not quite sure) and by this point, what was once a typical swimsuit bottom has worked it’s way up & transformed into a thong. This suddenly is feeling very #BadGirlsClub. Somewhere a music video girl from the early 90s is weeping. She attempts to walk gracefully away from the group, and is followed by her new booty-call Oliver. She’s drunk & tells him she’s a woman who makes her own money and has her own businesses. I lie about my occupation and financial status to boys/uber drivers when I’m drunk too.
Back in the hot tub, Glen shows his temper AGAIN, which prompts Kenya to join Kim, Kandi & Cynthia who are all clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Kenya calls Glen aggressive to the group & Kandi agrees.
We see Tammy stumble into the group from off-camera, alone (again), drink in hand (again) & clearly wasted (again.) See boat trip #1
Kenya confronts drunk Tammy about the boys leaving. Meanwhile, Sheree is feeling her fantasy – feet in the hot tub, drink in hand, top-knot bun pulled tight, surrounded by the guys. Y’all know she was living. She joins the other women and doesn’t see what the problem is. Of course she doesn’t. Poor Sheree was so close to getting laid. I see you, girl!
Cynthia, Kandi & Kim head upstairs to bed and the rest of the ladies stay together downstairs. A confrontation clearly is beginning, aaaaand HERE….WE……GOOOOOO!
Kenya confronts Glen and tells him he’s been rude all day, aggressive, etc. – and that she wants him to leave the house. Things immediately jump off. Glen calls Kenya a ‘little bitch’ and starts hulking towards Kenya in an extremely threatening way. No chill.
Crazy (Kenya) recognizes Crazi-er (Glen) and she immediately calls for Security. Production/the bouncers from the Jerry Springer Show rush in and start to break it up. You can hear Tammy screaming in the background “No cameras on him!”
We get a clear shot of Glen backed onto a couch with Tammy standing over him trying to calm him down. Glen SHOVES Tammy away from him and we see/hear her fall HARD on the marble floor. She blacks out and the ladies scramble to help her. We hear Sheree yelling for someone to call an ambulance while the others jump in and surround Tammy. Kenya cautiously hangs back. Glen is escorted out of the house by production/security/Jerry Springers bouncers and Kenya doesn’t miss a beat running to the rooms of the women who missed the fight to fill them all in on what went down. Cynthia feels guilty, like she had something to do with all the drama. Kenya & Cynthia begin to get heated, but Kenya shuts it down when she lets Cynthia know she’s too “TURNT up in her ear – and to please TURN DOWN.” Cynthia retreats and goes to check on Tammy.
Attorney Parks speaks with the EMTs and they carry Tammy away on a stretcher into an ambulance. Kenya and Kandi watch the scene from the balcony above and agree asking the boys to leave was for the best. Meanwhile, Porsha, Sheree, Phaedra & Shamea (why is Shamea even still here??) get together in a bedroom to immediately conspire and place all the blame on Kenya. They figure Kenya didn’t want the boys there, therefore nobody was allowed to want the boys there & therefore Kenya ruined all the fun and started the fight. #logic
Kim sees all sides of the situation and compares it to shaking a hornets nest. If you shake the nest, you can’t be surprised when the hornets come out to sting you. Kim packs her stuff to leave the house and head to a hotel.
The remaining ladies all sit down to discuss what happened. Kenya speaks up about Glens attitude, and Kandi backs her up. Kandi tells the women about her altercation with Glen. They all begin laughing and joking about Kim leaving after recognizing the group is a “health hazard”
The next morning Kandi is packing to leave Miami for Atlanta. Kenya comes to Kandi’s room and is caught up on the rest of the night. Somehow, Tammy and her “nephews” came back to the house after she was released from the ER. They figure she jumped the gate to get back inside.
We see an epic iPhone video of the girls joking around about Tammy when she knocks on the door. Porsha answers the door and we get the most amazing shot – probably still drunk Tammy standing in the door. Straight up zombie status. Two blonde braids, a bathrobe over her hospital gown, & hospital socks (no shoes) This moment is FOREVER .gif-able.
The remaining ladies take a party bus into Miami and all seem to be getting along. Cynthia calls Tammy on the bus and she tells the group she’s only bruised, no concussion. Phaedra immediately snatches the phone and invites her to dinner later that evening at the house. They are really doing this most on this trip, trying to milk it for as much crazy as they can. Maybe the girls finally appreciate having someone around who tops them in the real-life-crazy department. They all split up and drive on an open top mini-hummer tour around Miami.
Cut to Kim back in Atlanta with her husband and kids at the park. I had some leftover tacos in the fridge I was really craving, so I took this as my moment to run. I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss a thing. Maybe more talk about Spaghettios.
Back in Miami Porsha is prepping for a “first date” (lol) with her new booty call, Oliver. He sends a Mercedes to pick her up (one time my uberX was a Merecedes too!) & later they cheers to a second date/booty call and kiss. Enter obligatory Peter/Cynthia conversation in the kitchen. Cynthia is tired of talking about it and shuts it down. God bless.
Great. We get to see Porshas first date. I’m going to use this as a good time to finish said tacos from above.
Back at the house, all the girls are already asleep. Porsha comes home at 1am and wakes them up. They all gather in Kenya’s bed sleepover style, and Porsha fills them in on her date. They all acknowledge the “do-over trip for Cynthia” was a success. I think Phaedra’s talking head sums it up best – “besides Glen’s unfortunate incident, Kim’s mini-break down, Sheree calling out people for sleeping with her ex husband, and of course Kenya twirling out of control, a success.”
All the sudden, I think my DVR skipped. I’m suddenly watching another episode of that spin-off nobody asked for, Kandi Getting Married or whatever they named it. Todd”s daughter is dating, in school, and has a job at the airport. Kandi catches Todd up on the trip. They discuss Kandi’s friendship with Phaedra. I think my neighbors heard my sigh of relief when Kandi addresses Phaedra’s split personality – and how Phaedra was the #TurnUp version of herself on the trip. Where is Mama Joyce?
In an attempt to make Kim look even more normal and boring, they show a short clip of her sneezing a few times outside of a wine bar. We really needed that. Kenya is bummed she can’t order a cocktail at a wine bar so she goes with a coke zero instead. Again, #logic
They have a disagreement about who started what on fight night in Miami (Kim feels Kenya started it by speaking up, Kenya tells her side of feeling uncomfortable.) I think they settled it. By this point I was way into my leftover tacos to care.
Next week: Kandi plans for another(?) comeback in music. We see a clip of Phaedra dropping her son off for his first day at school. The THOT Club & Don Juan scream at each other.
See y’all Tuesday for #RHOBH!!
Follow me on Twitter! @bennayy