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You are here: Home / Entertainment News / Vanderpump Rules Recap: Cock of the Walk

Vanderpump Rules Recap: Cock of the Walk

November 30, 2015 by tamaratattles 30 Comments

Vanderpump rules pump rules

 

I totally for about Xanadude taking these recaps  over until  about an hour before the show. I tried to find out if he was good to go but haven’t heard back. I having some weird kind of health issue today, but I shall forge ahead and if Xanadude turns in his paper, I’ll be sure to post his.  UPDATE!  Xanadude’s recap is coming.  I’ll post ASAP. Tonight, it looks like Jax and James will duel over first dibs on Lala’s  vajayjay.  Loser gets sloppy seconds I suppose.

Am I the only one who saw all the drops of tea all over the outside of the cup that Scheana served to Lisa? Because I can’t believe Lisa didn’t yell. “CUT!”  Lisa seems to understand something that Scheana doesn’t.  And that is scrambled egg whites don’t cure addiction.  Jax says he has milk that has a longer shelf life than Scheana’s marriage.

James has told Lala that he and Kristen are broken up. They’ve already had a drunken make-out sesh and made a future dinner date. Kristen shows up to the back door of SUR where production has placed Lala and asks her to let James know she is hanging out in the shadowy alleyway out back waiting on him.

Pump Rules Recap Kristen James

James and Kristen have a very short unremarkable breakup in the alleyway. Kristen was way too calm during the breakup. James says that Kristen doesn’t know what love is.  Most adolescent breakup ever. Unfortunately, I think Kristen may have had her meds properly adjusted this season.

Sandoval arrives to teach Scheana how to scramble an egg. Shay and Adriana are both present. As it turns out, Tom doesn’t know how to make an omelet or cut up broccoli.  I’m bored. If I wanted to watch someone make an omelet, I could watch the Food Network.  I’m also hungry.

Yet another boring as fuck Kristen scene. She went to therapy and was only just starting her bottle of wine.

Peter has decided to cut off his ability to man bun. This requires both Jax and Sandoval  taking off from work so the menage a trois can head to the gay barber. The barber mentions Locks of Love requires 8 inches.  Dick jokes ensue. Why is Locks of Love such a size queen?

Oh and Jax is setting up a situation  where Kristen, Kate and Scheana gang up on Lala.  There is a ray of hope. Jax wants James out of the way so he can get with Lala. I think Peter’s haircut was  probably a mistake.

Pump Rules Jax Cracks

Ariana, Kate, and Scheana  go to the nail salon. Scheana says that Kristen is pissed off at Lala. YEEEESSSS! Scheana tries to convince everyone Lala is at fault. She hates Lala for some reason. Oh wait, I think the reason is escorting. According to her.  Everyone is talking behind Scheana’s back in talking heads about her bizarre way of pretending Shay doesn’t have a drug problem.

Lala and James go out to grab a burger. It seems that this is true love. They pledge to make beautiful music (and maybe babies) together.  Oh NOE SHE DI-INT!  Lala has been acting all afraid of Kristen around the guys but in her talking head just now she said  that “If Kristen stepped to me there would be a very large problem for her.” And that is when I noticed her eyebrows.  What the fuck? Did she use a sharpie for a brow pencil?

Next we have waitress training. I tuned out due to waitressing related PTSD. But I am pretty sure that Lisa Vanderpump told Faith that Pinot Noir is not a full bodied wine.  And the sommelier is too polite to say anything.

It’s s full cast all in at some dive bar for the sur-vers, with Kristen being given the latest entry time for dramatic effect. Scheana gets the undercard. She immediately goes in on Lala for making out with Kristen’s boyfriend and lets her know James and Kristen were still together at the time.

Kristen comes in some romper type shorts thing in an animal print.  James and whatshername look mortified. Lala tries to keep James from hanging all over her out of respect for Kristen.  It seems perhaps she does not wish for Kristen to “step to  her” after all.  Sceana and Katie push Lala to go talk to Kristen.  Kristen tells Lala she was out of town when they hooked up so clearly he cheated on her. She also tells Lala that James was talking about Lala being a major slut and so she was surprised he was hooking up with her.  James comes and sits in between Lala and Kristen and they both want nothing to do with him and get up and walk away.

James chases LaLa down but she won’t talk to him because he has been telling everyone she is a whore. Then we get a talking head from Lala who says she knows she is not a slut or a whore because she is not getting paid for sex, but she does say that getting paid for sex would be “dope.”  So what about the old man in Venice?  Make up your mind girl, are you a whore who gets paid  or a slut who doesn’t?  She also knows she is not “basic.”  Meanwhile back at the bar, she is shoving her hands into her bra trying to keep her girls from flopping out onto the table.  Kristen is quietly enjoy her drink and Jax is grinning from ear to ear as his plan to break up James and Lala is going off without a hitch.

Next Week: It’s Gay Pride at SUR. I am sick of that, we have seen this every year. And Jax is REALLY wasted while working the bar.  James fucked someone for 7 hours but my DVR shut off so I’m not sure if it was Lala or a guy from a gay pride float.

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Filed Under: Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules Tagged With: Ariana, Ariana Madix, Bravo, Brittany Cartwright, Did Tom Cheat on Ariana?, dumbasses, Entertainment, Entertainment News, Felony Charge, James, James Kennedy, Jax, Katie Maloney, Kristen, Kristen Doute, Lala Kent, Lisa Vanderpump, Mike Shay, Morons, Peter, PUMP, Sandoval, Schwartz, Stassi Schroeder, SUR, Tom and Katie, Tom Sandoval, Tom Sandoval is in Love With Jax, Tom Schwartz, Vanderpump Rules, What is Jax's real name?, Why was Jax in Jail?

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. BeerWenchinTx says

    November 30, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    Great recap hope you feel better TT, I worry about you…..

    Anyway, anyone else notice that Lala started speaking in British slang? Calling girl luv etc? I noticed cause I’m guilty of the same thing with my British brother from another mother. Lol. Also did anyone else think the Rachel chick who is Kristen’s friend she had lunch with was the chick who is Stassi’s friend at Sur with a nose job? Turned out it wasn’t her because they showed her during the sommelier scene but seriously, I had a moment there thinking wtf did she do to herself and when did she become Kristen’s girl power friend????? I know this isn’t a post for the after show but I HAVE to comment on the commercial showing our Cray Cray Kristen with Joker mouth. Seriously!!!! I know she’s had “necessary” surgery for her drunken injuries but WTF did her surgeon do to her???? Is she going to visit Drs. Dubow and Nassif to be televised for our viewing pleasure soon???? Or will she be appearing on Gotham in the 2nd part of the season????

    Reply
    • BeerWenchinTx says

      December 1, 2015 at 12:26 am

      Thank goodness our dear Kristen doesn’t look like the joker….just in that shot from the commercial. Eff you Andy Cohen and your evil editing!!!!

      Reply
  2. bree says

    November 30, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    The irony in Scheana saying that her and the other servers at SUR don’t like Lala because she messes around with other girls boyfriends is amazing considering Scheana dated Brandi Glanville’s HUSBAND. For a couple years herself. And I don’t believe for a second she didn’t know he was married. So far I actually like Lala. I’m sure I won’t soon, but so far I do!

    Reply
    • LisaPat says

      December 1, 2015 at 3:34 am

      I dont know what it is about LaLa that I despise. She .. gives me the urge of wanting to bash her over the head with a heavy, blunt object. That’s not nice of me at all! I dont know if it’s her stupidity, her THOTness, her whoring, or what it is!

      Reply
      • Maisey says

        December 1, 2015 at 5:06 am

        Well, one thing that doesn’t help, LisaPat, is her insipid name…… Lala.

        I’m betting that Mama named the rest of the girls Gigi, Fifi and —- the one in the attic—-Dodo.

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        December 1, 2015 at 4:08 pm

        Maisey and the mean one Nene lol. Sorry couldn’t help myself.

        Reply
    • Elisammoore says

      December 1, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Also, scheanna so best friend Ariana was kissing tom sandoval when he was living with Kristin.

      Reply
  3. Xanadude says

    November 30, 2015 at 11:21 pm

    Scheana is currently on WWHL – she is still not understanding addiction and is trying to justify her “weed and alcohol allowed” stance with Shay. “But he hasn’t popped a pill in a year!”

    Reply
    • BeerWenchinTx says

      November 30, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      Yeah that too…..I don’t buy Shay’s drug problem at all and Scheana’s Queen of Denial crap. It is all part of Scheana’s munchausen by proxy disease aka Reality TV uber attention whore disease……

      Reply
      • Xanadude says

        December 1, 2015 at 12:04 am

        We have diagnoed Scheana with Vanderpump by Proxy disease- injuries only appear while filming is happening

        Reply
  4. Xanadude says

    December 1, 2015 at 12:12 am

    The alleyway is now officially a stop on our next TT RoadTrip, after going to the International House of Leggings from Shahs.

    Reply
    • BeerWenchinTx says

      December 1, 2015 at 12:21 am

      I’m soooo in! And yes on Scheana and her whatever you want to call it disease.

      Reply
  5. Spilledperfume says

    December 1, 2015 at 2:17 am

    I finally watched this tonight. I watched the repeat of last week and then tonight’s show. I can’t I’m proud of that.

    Reply
  6. cobe says

    December 1, 2015 at 8:52 am

    Why is everyone lecturing Scheana on addiction? Popping a few too many pills MIGHT be addiction, or . . . it might not be. It might just be popping a few too many pills.

    Scheana bugs the hell out of me and if I were married to her, I’d be shaking in the bathroom gulping down all the pills I could get my hands on. That’s not addiction, that’s just good common sense.

    Reply
    • Karen Leslie Stewart says

      December 1, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      Yes, her narcissism does not leave much for a relationship. Her apartment is decorated with pictures of just herself, lol. Poor Shay. If he really is an addict, he needs to run for the hills because dealing with her, he most certainly will relapse.

      Reply
      • Cherry Bomb says

        December 1, 2015 at 5:27 pm

        Scheana Shay is totally low rent…. I still can’t get over her drinking a capri sun with her meal. Seriously who over twelve does that ? She seems very immature and her apartment decor is just child like.

        Reply
  7. sandra says

    December 1, 2015 at 10:22 am

    Am I the only one that thinks James is ugly on the outside and inside? I can’t find a single thing I like about this man/child. He has a very low opinion of women. I hope LaLa (hope that’s a fake name), makes a fool of James.

    Reply
    • Maisey says

      December 1, 2015 at 10:25 am

      James looks like a wet, unborn chicken.

      Not that there is anything wrong with that.

      Reply
      • sundayhare3 says

        December 1, 2015 at 11:24 am

        Lol he gives me the willies

        Reply
      • Shae says

        December 1, 2015 at 3:22 pm

        lmao! agreed. Everything about him is wonky and awkward.

        Reply
  8. Karen Leslie Stewart says

    December 1, 2015 at 10:27 am

    Every time I see James, he reminds me of Elf on a Shelf. Sandoval and Ariana – get over Kristen. She does not care about you Sandoval nor does she care about your boring relationship with you little blonde bobble head. Find another story line or go away. Am I the only one who thinks Kristin and Jax would make the ultimate evil power couple? She is really smart and crazy and Jax is completely irresponsible. Think of the drama they could cause! They belong together. Sheana – its really tacky to use a serious illness to play out a story line. And PLEASE call in a decorator for your apartment. No one needs to see you on every single wall. Its a little one note. Just saying – there are more interesting things than your image. Narcissism is soooo boring!

    Reply
    • DaisyDana says

      December 1, 2015 at 12:01 pm

      My Facebook newsfeed is filled with that creepy ass elf. Now I’m not going to be able to see it without thinking of creepy ass James. LOL

      Reply
    • cobe says

      December 1, 2015 at 1:17 pm

      James is totally the British guy in Love Actually who couldn’t get laid in Britain so he comes to America and relies on his accent to get him laid.

      But at the end of the day, dude is just an unattractive loser. With an accent.

      Reply
      • BamaBelle says

        December 1, 2015 at 3:26 pm

        OMG!! He totally is!

        Reply
      • Kika says

        December 1, 2015 at 7:27 pm

        I would suspect that James has more of a substance/alcohol abuse problem that Shae has. Downright scary that he hates women as much as he does.

        Reply
        • Karen Leslie Stewart says

          December 2, 2015 at 10:22 am

          Yeah, I was thinking he has a great future as a serial killer …

          Reply
      • stacye says

        December 2, 2015 at 5:35 am

        I absolutely was thinking the exact same thing. And from movie Addicted to Love with Matt Broderick & Meg Ryan….the French guy who says in France he’s nobody but in U.S. he’s superman. ..because of his accent. I don’t get it tho. Do accents make girls blind?

        Reply
    • AB says

      December 1, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      This – with everything you said above! Jax and Kristen tog- should never marry, just have a love child! pffft!!

      Reply
    • stacye says

      December 2, 2015 at 5:32 am

      LOL….I’ve been trying to put a name to his creepy face for weeks. THAT’S IT!! Elf on a shelf! Thank you! Dead on. He’s so ugly!!!

      Reply
  9. Marie Saccucci says

    December 1, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    Sheana a total loser. All she thinks about is herself. Poor Shay got roped in by her & now he knows he made a HuGE mistake. A couple of months of marriage & it is a mess. Eating right & going on the gym is not going to save this mess. She broke up Brandi’s marriage & now she hers is a joke. Karma !!!!!

    Reply

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