The Real Housewives of Melbourne has almost wrapped it’s third season with final scenes being filmed on Monday, which is tomorrow here, but today in Australia because much like the known fact that Canadians all live in igloos, Australians live in the future like the Jetsons. Or something. But, instead of dressing like the Jetsons they dress like the cast of Dynasty Circa 1982. These are erudite global insights one only gets here at TamaraTattles.com. folks.
Moving on, because I am the world’s most important blogger ever, I actually got a tweet from Jacques Peterson of Daily Mail Australia alerting me to his exclusive interview with Gamble Breaux. I shall be linking a great deal to his interview with Gamble because as a boring American, it is very exciting to get a tweet from a guy named Jaques who lives in the future and I imagine him as having more of a French accent than a Melbourne one which we all decided in season one was less melodious than we had hoped.
So, my new best friend in my head interviewed Gamble. Pourquoi, Jacques? I envision that as being confusing and exhausting as Gamble stops intermittently to remark on the unicorns passing by outside her window. But Jacques did manage to get some information out of her. Like this nugget, “There’s some salacious gossip this season. I was shocked! It’s jaw-dropping.!” Apparently, this gossip is so damaging that Gamble is not even sure it will make it to air! So more shocking than being accused of working in the sex industry? More shocking than divorcing a cheating husband? More shocking than flying to some other city to buy fancypants cheese? I can never stop loving Lydia for her devotion to fine cheeses. Global warming be damned. I am thrilled to know that in the future, fine cheeses are still a high priority.
In other news, we have a new housewife named Susie Homemaker. Or Susie McLean actually. Potato, PoTAHtoe.. Apparently, someone has called her a “cute little rattlesnake.” She has a feisty disposition and that idiot Jackie loves her for keeping it real. Susie supposedly has ties to Gina, Chyka and Lydia, but it is Jackie who sings her praises on the foreign gossip sites. I am doubtful I will be #TeamJackie so I suggest we give Susie the side eye unless proven otherwise. Susie is twice divorced with children from the first marriage. She was also married to a soccer player for about five minutes because in the future there is no baseball, basketball or football greatly limiting one’s chance to marry a rich athlete. The soccer player guy allegedly had a drinking problem and that marriage was quickly ended.
That’s Susie by the way jumping in front of the other ladies for a photo. Shortly after that photo, I am quite certain that Gina whomped her over the head with a handbag that costs four to five figures.
As for Gina, Jaques’ piece indicates that her mysterious illness that forced her to drop out of Celebrity Apprentice early will be part of her storyline. If the salacious gossip that may not be aired is about her malingering, then my head will explode and Gina will take legal action to keep it off the show.
The Real Housewives of Melbourne will appear in the future in February. Lord only knows what century it will be when it airs in the U.S. where Bravo will air it in some random weekend afternoon time with no publicity or reruns available. If you are wondering why I never mentioned the Real Housewives of Cheshire, it’s because I had no earthly idea when it was going to air. So unless it is On Demand, I’ve missed the first episode forever.
And finally, I cannot abide Pettifleur. I feel the need to mention this is every post on this subject. Sadly, she is returning and seems to have survived the entire episode without being eaten by a dingo. Did I mention there are a lot of dingos and scary spiders in the future?