It’s time for the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and I am already irked by Phaedra Parks tagline. I think I am going to cringe every time I hear that. And Sidenote: RHOA’s uber Christian was filming post production stuff on a Sunday morning today. And aint none of her neighbors seen Jesus there as they tried to maneuver out of the cul de sac to get to church. Allegedly. My pet peeve is people who are offended on behalf of another group, but I feel like my years of faithful attendance at Southern Baptist Churches from Atlanta to Tripoli Libya and my extensive study of both the Bible and the Koran allow me to be justifiably outraged by Phaedra’s mockery of religion. Seriously, this is going to bug me all season. Apologies in advance. I also hate Kenya’s twirl crap. Hated it and her in season one and now that I love her I hate it even more. It’s so played out. We got our first Kim Fields’ intro today, and I love it even thought I know she hated mentioning Facts of Life.
We start back with the totally uneven sparring between Kenya and Sheree. Kenya apologizes for calling Sheree a bitch….ass. And Kenya steps away so Sheree can apologizeto Cynthia and so we can get a talking head of Phaedra who is thrilled that Sheree tried it. Lord knows all Phaedra can do is threaten Kenya with her pocket book like Thelma on Mama’s Family.
There is a scene with Malorie and Phaedra and Kenya where Phaedra tells Kenya she thought Kenya had changed. Kenya says that Sheree started it, and this is what I have heard from the set as well. But Kenya’s talking head is EVERYTHING when she is looking at herself on her phone primping saying, ” Shut up, Phaedra. Why don’t you change the locks on your door, that’s what you need to change. Now that Apollo’s not coming back.” OMG This season is going to be great. This episode is going to be great and we are only two minutes in! Kenya has places to go and people to see, so she leaves.
Drunk (ALLEGEDLY!) Peter turns up to tell Cynthia who is hanging with Malorie about his run in with Kenya. He practically strangles Mal in a choke hold in a bizarre attempt to re-enact the damning video that went viral. Did Cynthia get lip injections? What the hell is wrong with her lips in her talking head? Her top lip doesn’t even move! The Fuck?
Meanwhile, Sheree is trying to convince people that she is reformed from her ratchet behavior and she doesn’t do all that anymore. Kandi is like, really? That was three minutes of drama that took 20 minutes to recap!
Kenya is meeting with Kim Fields about her Life Twirls On Series to ask for advice. If you missed that, you can see some on my sidebar here under Video of the Day. She gives a glowing report on Kim in her talking head. Kenya worked with Kim on Tyler Perry when she was on Meet the Browns and Kim directed. But Kenya, with all the love I have for you in my heart, you are not on par with Kim Fields, sweetie. Be humble. Kenya fucking throws shade at KIM FIELDS about her Tootie roller skates being on Ebay rather than The Shttp://tamaratattles.com/?s=Duke+Williams#mithsonian! Dear GOD Kenya. What are you doing?! Kim Fields is an ICON. Please stop this at once! Seriously, Kenya, you want Kim Fields to direct your series and you start with an insult! Oh Kenya. Kim is so not going to direct your series.
Apparently, Tiffany is Cynthia’s new partner in business. This is new to me. Cynthia is in tears because Peter is back in Charlotte after they had a fight. Cynthia just wants to get away. Cynthia’s storyline is quite real, but this scene with Tiffany? Not so much.
Porsha, Princess of THOTlandia
For Porsha to be a complete moron, she does manage to get some things together. She is quite good on Dish Nation. Like so good I think she might be faking her retardedness on RHOA. I don’t know how her hair company or her lingerie company is doing but she does have a lot fans who are truly retards and if hey have any money she could be quietly doing quite well for herself.
Porsha want to throw a Sip and See for her baby, Duke Williams. Apparently, Duke likes to screw chicks from Instagram. And in this case, Porsha is really that dumb. Now mind you that RHOA production told all the women to find a man for this season, so in that sense she did what she had to do. And for once, Bravo would pick up the bill on her
trick love interest including the purchast of a ten dollar bottle of Cupcake Moscato so that she could at least put out for someone she was attracted to. Even her lingerie consultant calls her trashy.
Phaedra, Uber Christian and Southern Belle
Phaedra meets Cynthia at a tea shop. Because, as a good Christian Phaedra has forgiven Cynthia for not liking her “because that is what a good old Christian does.” See I was brought up to believe that people would know I was a Christian because of my love for others. Perhaps Cynthia is one of the few women with enough milk of human kindness to film with Phaedra. You decide.
Cynthia confirms what my sources already told me that Sheree ” came into Cynthia’s party like a Rottweiler!” And Kenya merely reacted.
Fun fact. I could probably walk to Kandi’s original TAGS store. It’s on my list of things to make and do but for a “stalker” as Sheree loves to call me, I barely get out of my house unless it is for grocery shopping or doctor’s appointments. So crazy how I was camped out at Sheree’s construction site quite a distance from my house all those days, stalking and lurking in the bushes all the time, scaring her kids playing in the construction zone rather than going to their football practices and school activities.
On Kandi’s part she is trying to ride the fence about Kenya and Sheree. This must be a serious conversation because in serious situation Sheree always pins a hair bagel on top of her bald head. And this bagel, just like Sheree is coming unraveled ya’ll. Poor Kandi. At least she got to publicize her shop.
In both the Kandi and Sheree and the Cynthia and Phaedra scenes I can hear Carlos King telling them what to say to set up for the Kandi and Phaedra scene to come. If I were Cynthia I would be irked I had to do this. If I were Sheree I’d just be happy to get a check to buy some kitchen cabinets.
Later Kandi explains that she wants to open a southern restaurant. Last night they had a real baby shower with Phaedra, but now, they are planning the Bravo one.
We get a scene about how great Kim’s life is with her family life. It’s cute. And I can see why the housewives thought she was boring. She is a REAL HOUSEWIFE. And that is clearly not what this show is about anymore. Or maybe never. She is trying to launch a million brands. She needs top pick one like Bethenny instead of eleventy billion like Sonja.
Why in the hell is she having a going away party for some easy Instagram dick who fucked her for at max 48 hours and has moved on? ALLEGEDLY. She admits she is a THOT, so why she playing? There was never a couple of monts for these two. It was literally in and out. ALLEGEDLY. And SHE PAID. Allegedly to keep her peach. ALLEGEDLY. Porsha’s little sister is knocked up. This whole debacle is embarrassing. So embarrassing. How much must she be cringing watching this. Does she have the ability to cringe and feel shame? Oh hey! Someone brings up his affinity for transgender porn stars. #FixIt Jesus! Porsha seems to attract men looking for a dick, and when they find out she doesn’t actually have one, they’re done. Duke is like, “the fuck? You an Instagram THOT? What the fuck is this shit, with a cake and shit?” A five dollar and a bottle of Cupcake Moscato ain’t enough for all this shit!” It’s so embarrassing. Duke is literally sweating Porsha gives him a trophy. I’m dying.
Kandi versus Phaedra
Look I am 40 minutes past getting this up on time. So can you guys please explain ALL THE MANY PROBLEMS with the photo above? Please, and thank you.
First of all, Kandi is HUGE in this scene so it was filmed well at the end of production. And it has been well known that Bravo is giving her a spinoff for the damn baby. Because, Andy Cohen can’t get enough of Kandi no matter how low the ratings. She could fart and get a new spinoff. And that must miss off Miss Sip and See who has spawned a couple of boys and thrust them upon Andy at every opportunity and had a husband going to prison and STILL not gotten a spin off.
Kandi is being real. But all I can look at is those fugly chairs and Kandi’s weird outfit. And Phaedra’s stank face. OMG. Phaedra throws Kandi to the FEDS for Apollos’s shit being hidden at her house. This was filmed VERY late into this season, and yet Phaedra was at Kandi’s baby shower just the other night? THE FUCK? Kandi says the government is coming to her about WAY more than the motorbike and four wheeler! Oh snap. This could get real. It sounds like Apollo may have told Todd who was the mastermind Cough I aint saying Cough I will have the full tea in a few months. And I may even be stepping to VIDEO to so it and Y’all know I like to be incognito, but it is about to be going DOWN.
Phaedra acts like she can’t afford to take the boys to see their felon father in prison because it is “very expensive to go to Kentucky” Bitch it is very expensive to go on that European vacation you went on last summer. Driving to Kentucky will cost about $127 in gas on a fucking Land Rover which you do not own and $49 a night at a Motel 6, and in other news she aint never home ALLEGEDLY flying here an there to fleece (ALLEGEDLY) the religious population and pass the free donation plate.
Phaedra says she has two kids in private schools (um noe, my sources tell me your kids can’t get in because their father is a felon and their mother is a skank on a reality show. ALLEGEDLY) And they are in preK/ Preschool and smart as little whips through not influence of Phaedra’s because she ALLGEDLY does not see them much unless filming is going on. Now she wants to blame Todd for her Apollo being out in the clubs? Wasn’t she always down with both of them being in the strip clubs? This chick seems like she KNOWS she is about to go down.
Kandi says Phaedra still owes Todd 8k, Phaedra says it is 5k. Oh Lord Don Juan is walking in. Phaedra is fake crying. Kandi is real crying. Did Phaedra just say she showed Kandi her cootchie? They hug it out. I can’t stand Don Juan, but he is right in this instance.
Don Juan says they just cried like two girls on The Color Purple. He knows Phaedra was full of shit.
Please give me a moment to post about Kenya on WWHL without posting about that here. There was a lot to deal with!