Meet Lala
Has she slept with Jax yet? She says she is every guy’s type. And I am sure she is. Except perhaps grown men who have to introduce their date to the boss, colleagues or parents as “Lala.” But other than those guys, she is probably their type. I can see James the dishwasher quite enjoying her. Or Jax. Lala has a booking in Italy over the weekend. This is her first “real job.” Are there any shortcuts for the poor west coast people to get to Europe? Because I can’t imagine living more than a red eye away. I’m serious. That must be horrid. Lala lives in Stassi’s old apartment. Clearly, it’s a StableByBravo
At an all cast bar get together to haze the newbies, no one believes that Lala is being flown to Venice to model for the weekend. Look at her. Now go do a random Google street view of some plaza in Venice with pigeons pooping on people. Enough said.
Scheana and Katie thinks Lala blows old men for trips to Venice. They interrogate her. Katie confronts Lala about her ass profile photo. Lala admits she is going on a free trip because she is a fun bitch to be around. She says since she is so fun, she gets to keep her legs closed. Scheana says, “What about your mouth?” Heh. She just admitted to the girl that Lisa drags in to court to testify for her that she is blowing of work to blow off some old dudes. Lala is a great name for this airhead.
Meet Faith
Have we ever had a black female at SUR? I don’t recall anyone non-white folks working there before. Faith struggles to learn to count to seven under the astute tutelage of Katie. Katie has sort of morphed into Khloe Kardashian. Being a waitress is hard. I’m serious. I sucked at it . I don’t have a lot of Faith in Faith. I shall wait to figure out her last name and give her a tag here. Katie thinks Faith is doing great and is a badass. That’s a ringing endorsement.
Meet Kentucky (Britanny)
She has a brand spanking new set of twins. The kind she will need to replace in ten years. She’s got the common sense of a Kentucky bale of hay. She interviews with Lisa in some sort of babydoll nightie. She wants to bartend. Lisa wants her to wear trousers in her establishment.
Kristen & The Little Boy Who Is Beneath Her
Side Note: Kristen busted her face and broke her orbital bone (eye socket). Her surgery to fix her face was last Monday, the night of the premiere. She’s been chugging the booze a lot on periscope. Shit happens.
James slept with a skank from Scheana’s party the night before. This should be good. They meet at a grill. And much like those grill your own meat places, Kristen will be doing the grilling at the table. Kristen just dumps him. Leaving a perfectly good glass of pinot grigio behind. That is alcohol abuse, Kristen.
Kristen is home drinking her post break up bottle of wine. James walks in. Does he live there? James bullshits Kristen and lies about screwing the random. He tells her he loves her and Kristen buys it. Between this and leaving the wine behind, You’re trying me Kristen. You’re really trying me this episode. This better be lulling me into a sense of safety before you cut the little prick’s prick off. You have25 minutes with commercials.
Scheana is whining to everyone who will listen about Kristen texting her too much about James cheating. Ariana tries everything to get Scheana to dump her. Scheana calls Kristen over to try to break up with her.
This episode was boring. If not for all the constant flashback of Kristen’s greatest hits (literally) it would have been no fun at all.
Next Week: It’s all about Scheana and Shay. That does not sound promising.
I was going to watch the show after WWHL but it seems nothing is going on yet. Maybe the good stuff starts next week. I need Scheana to start her “it’s about me” crying, Kristin to start her psycho shit, and Stassi the bitch to show up!
Jax looks like a broken down former porn star.
That’s because no matter how many nose jobs he has they won’t fix his Mr.PotatoHead jawline…
Fun fact: I went to college with the girl James slept with. She was actually one of Scheana’s bridesmaids!
Quick Hits
1) Lisa doesn’t want to hire anyone dating Jax because that is “riddled with complicatons,” not to mention riddled with STDs.
2) anyone else want to just force Jax to wash his hair? I mean, I dig the one stray hair but the rest just looks greasy and malaria ridden.
3) Jax remind me of RyanDaddy from Party Down South, in that they are both disgusting human beings who are somehow sexy and would be down to anything. The difference is slight, but RyanDaddy is on a show that dispenses with the pretense of him pretending to work on camera and allows him to simply do what we enjoy watching: get drunk and act stupid. Also RyanDaddy doesn’t, to my knowledge, steal, or it at least smart enough not to do it on camera
4) Will Lala have kept Stassi’s “workroom,” aka the wooden plank placed across two milk crates next to the bathroom, where Stassi “created” her “statement” “necklaces?”
5) “Welcome to Sur…I look forward to having you within the next month” should be standard greeting.
6) SUR 4.0 – Now with more Ethnic Diversity!
7) They call her LaLa cause that’s the noise we make as we stick our fingers in our ears whenever she is around, trying to drown out the sound of vapidity.
Moral of the story: Scheana shouldn’t throw parties.
#NailedIt
Tina worked there, she sang at Scheena’s wedding. Also there is the Pacific Islander couple with the cute little boy. There are other black servers and barbacks they just never really get to talk. Tina was featured in the first season, she had Scheena open for her at a club.
How is it that the after show for VPR, is on Friday? I thought an after show was right after the show.
First ep was a little rocky. But Julie Goldman was shading Jax through the whole interview with him and he was totally missing it, thinking he was being charming and cute.
How dI’d I miss the first after show??? Julie and Brandy are probably the top of my list of People’s Couch peeps I would love to join.
I watched highlights of the second episode on bravotv.com and it was a lot better.
I’m watching the “after show” now finally and yikes it’s painful! I hope Julie and brandy get better at this cuz they are totally awesome on people’s couch.
I know! Hysterical, huh? You too Xanadude….. And the hits just keep on coming !!
Between the picture of Kristen with her orbital bone broken and Jax with his forty-eleventh nose job, are we sure Lisa didn’t hired someone to beat the crap out of the problem children? Lol. James better watch his back.
Ha! That’s got to be it. I thought of that before because Jax keeps getting “hurt” and it only ever involves his nose for some strange reason. His plastic surgeon must love him.
Between this & the premiere episode, James lied to Kristen each & every time he talked to her (I didn’t tell Jax about Carmen, I only had 1 drink, I didn’t sleep with that woman). And he loves bragging about his lies to the camera. I truly hope she kicks his ass at some point this season.
James needs his assistant kicked back across the pond.
There was another black female employee at SUR in a previous season. She wasn’t part of the main cast, but was usually seen with the main cast in various scenes.
Yes! Scheana’s friend. She’s a singer.
Tina
Bravo should be grateful for Tamara. I doubt I would continue with this s*** show if it wasn’t for the incentive to read the recap and the comments. I am having difficulty finding at least one cast member that I can like and/or sympathize with. For instance, I might feel bad for Shana stating that she feels like she’s being cheated on in her marriage, if she hadn’t fucked Eddie AND cried on Entertainment Tonight about how he cheated and lied to her. Brandi being a hot mess and a one woman shit show doesn’t excuse Schaenas behavior at the time.
The dead horse called wanting to know why it’s still being beat.
The dead horse called wanting to know why it’s still being beat. Didn’t that happen like 1,000 years ago?
I only bring it up because cheating is the #1 topic of pretty much everyone’s storyline!
Sorry about the double post. The first one disappeared!
Damn it! I missed half the show. I rarely have Monday nights off these days and started the celebratory sparkling wine and hor d’oeuvres early during the Pump Rules marathon in the afternoon while cleaning the house. Of course I fell asleep and woke up in the last 15 minutes. In time to see Sandoval and his WTFIsThat haircut on WWHL. Have to rewatch tonight when I get home. I always come here for the recap and comments anyway. They add so much more to the show!
Where is the new tattoo Jax? You’re lagging behind having her name emblazoned on your body somewhere…
Jax looks rough. Yikes.
He always looks like a dirty, overtanned, greasy monkey to me. He’s gross lol
I already hate LaLa and was cracking up at Schaena and Katie interrogating her. She’s going to be a one season cast member, just like Vail was.
I still hate Kristin (Sorry, TT). People need to watch their electronics around her and I totally see Ariana’s point about why Schaena and Kristin should not be friends.
I agree WhyOWhy, and wtf was wrong with Brittany walking in with virtually no clothes on to see Lisa? If she didn’t know she’d be meeting her that day, she should’ve INSISTED jax let her change first and grab a resume before making that awful first impression of “i can’t be bothered to dress myself and carry a sheet of paper”.
Stupid.
While I am absolutely not a fan of Kristen, what James did was grimey as hell- laughing about how he lied to her in his talking head, not cool at all. If you hate your gf and take delight in hurting her, leave her, don’t be a jackass. Nobody forced him to be with her.
Brittany was wearing her resume.
I saw her and thought two things: you have one good angle, and why are you wearing a teddy to a job interview? And an ugly one at that.
That poor girl.
I started to like Jax a bit when his mom was on screen. Now I find out about his dirty foot fetish and I like him a tiny bit more. Oh nooo!
“It’s not like I’m asking someone to pee on me!” Or something like that. Classic Jax: I could be lots skeevier!
My favorite part of this episode was when Tom and Ariana said something about how they were “adulting” by buying a couch. During this whole time they were complaining about how their old couch had Kristen cooties. So many things wrong with their “adulting”. Aren’t they like 30 something?
Jax has a fetish for dirty feet. I am going to need more therapy.
I think James has a death wish.
Person I felt most sorry for in the episode: the poor dude waiting on Tom and Arianna as they adulterated at the furniture store.
I kind of loved the Katie/Sheana bitch fest against new girl Lala. Best part was when they were ignoring her on their cell phones.
Tom got a perm to demonstrate his willlingness to commit to Katie. Kind of tearing up here again, thinking about that…or maybe it’s the dirty feet thing.
Kristen, you are my Peter Pan. You are not allowed to grow up and be sensible. Sock James again!!!