Has she slept with Jax yet? She says she is every guy’s type. And I am sure she is. Except perhaps grown men who have to introduce their date to the boss, colleagues or parents as “Lala.” But other than those guys, she is probably their type. I can see James the dishwasher quite enjoying her. Or Jax. Lala has a booking in Italy over the weekend. This is her first “real job.” Are there any shortcuts for the poor west coast people to get to Europe? Because I can’t imagine living more than a red eye away. I’m serious. That must be horrid. Lala lives in Stassi’s old apartment. Clearly, it’s a StableByBravo
At an all cast bar get together to haze the newbies, no one believes that Lala is being flown to Venice to model for the weekend. Look at her. Now go do a random Google street view of some plaza in Venice with pigeons pooping on people. Enough said.
Scheana and Katie thinks Lala blows old men for trips to Venice. They interrogate her. Katie confronts Lala about her ass profile photo. Lala admits she is going on a free trip because she is a fun bitch to be around. She says since she is so fun, she gets to keep her legs closed. Scheana says, “What about your mouth?” Heh. She just admitted to the girl that Lisa drags in to court to testify for her that she is blowing of work to blow off some old dudes. Lala is a great name for this airhead.
Have we ever had a black female at SUR? I don’t recall anyone non-white folks working there before. Faith struggles to learn to count to seven under the astute tutelage of Katie. Katie has sort of morphed into Khloe Kardashian. Being a waitress is hard. I’m serious. I sucked at it . I don’t have a lot of Faith in Faith. I shall wait to figure out her last name and give her a tag here. Katie thinks Faith is doing great and is a badass. That’s a ringing endorsement.
Meet Kentucky (Britanny)
She has a brand spanking new set of twins. The kind she will need to replace in ten years. She’s got the common sense of a Kentucky bale of hay. She interviews with Lisa in some sort of babydoll nightie. She wants to bartend. Lisa wants her to wear trousers in her establishment.
Kristen & The Little Boy Who Is Beneath Her
Side Note: Kristen busted her face and broke her orbital bone (eye socket). Her surgery to fix her face was last Monday, the night of the premiere. She’s been chugging the booze a lot on periscope. Shit happens.
James slept with a skank from Scheana’s party the night before. This should be good. They meet at a grill. And much like those grill your own meat places, Kristen will be doing the grilling at the table. Kristen just dumps him. Leaving a perfectly good glass of pinot grigio behind. That is alcohol abuse, Kristen.
Kristen is home drinking her post break up bottle of wine. James walks in. Does he live there? James bullshits Kristen and lies about screwing the random. He tells her he loves her and Kristen buys it. Between this and leaving the wine behind, You’re trying me Kristen. You’re really trying me this episode. This better be lulling me into a sense of safety before you cut the little prick’s prick off. You have25 minutes with commercials.
Scheana is whining to everyone who will listen about Kristen texting her too much about James cheating. Ariana tries everything to get Scheana to dump her. Scheana calls Kristen over to try to break up with her.
This episode was boring. If not for all the constant flashback of Kristen’s greatest hits (literally) it would have been no fun at all.
Next Week: It’s all about Scheana and Shay. That does not sound promising.