Words cannot express how glad I am that this is the last regular episode of this season of Real Housewives of Orange County. It’s going to be a night of blasphemy and betrayal so I suppose we should get started. Will Tamra learn to pronounce the word ‘pastor’ before getting dunked ?
We’re going straight to the baptism which is happening at like, the Four Seasons or somewhere. Because one always needs a party and a venue to be baptized. If Tamra had any comprehension of the ceremony she would know how hypocritical this entire event is, but she doesn’t. Because, heathen. Speaking of, we have hired some black folks to sing while Tamra gets dunked. Shannon explains in her talking head about what baptism means, because Lord knows Tamra can’t explain it.
Tamra gives a speech and ends it with the trite “what was once my mess is now my message.” Oh and she forgive Simon too. While she is getting dunked, Bravo plays a montage of her bad behaviors that are being washed away but the chlorinated waters of an Orange County resort.
At the reception, if that is what we are calling it, there are two cakes. One is angel food with halo falling off and the other is devils food with chocolate flames around it, Vicki is sticking with her brother and his girlfriend to avoid an interrogation. Lynne Curtain and Tammy Knickerbocker are there so that Heather can show off her latest bag. Did Meghan steal someone’s shawl? Why is Shannon mad at Vicki? I don’t remember. Is it really because she stormed off from the lunch?
Heather is repeating a story that she says she got from Briana who said that Vicki told her that one night Brooks was so sick from his chemo that they called Terry and he sent a colleague to the house to give him an IV. Heather says that never happened. Shannon says Vicki told her the same story. Meghan says that Brooks is faking cancer to get out of paying child support. Aren’t all of Brooks kids adults? Meghan needs to stop with her oddball theories. Meghan decides to ambush Vicki with her new theory.
Billy talks to Tamra and says that he hopes she believes Brooks illness. He has seen Brooks paperwork proving he has cancer. He tries to get the girls to back off his sister. Vicky gave Tamra her gift and tries to leave gracefully but Heather chases her down and tells her about “this story going around” (the one she just told half a dozen people) about Terry sending an IV to her home. Because Heather is just horrible. Vicki says this is the first she has heard of that story.
Meanwhile, Billy’s girlfriend is grilling Shannon on why she is not supporting Vicki. She asked when was the last time you called Vicki? Shannon tells Rhonda that Vicki has been horrible to her these past two weeks and we replay Shannon drilling Vicki to death at their lunch. Rhonda gets a bit too mouthy after a bunch of wine and says to Shannon, “She didn’t ask to see your records when you thought David was cheating on you! ” UT-OH. Why would Rhonda even know that? Shannon starts cussing at the baptism party about “That Rhonda bitch!” And we are off to the races.
Shannon essentially tells Billy and Rhonda to get the fuck out of the reception. Shannon runs after Vicki to go off on her. She grabs Vicki’s arm and screams at her thanking her for being such a good friend and storms off. Vicki is confused but thankfully Meghan is there to stir the pot and explain what set Shannon off. Vicki goes to find Billy and Rhonda to leave. The “pasture” wants to insert himself in the drama for some inexplicable reason. This causes Vicki to have an emotional breakdown over her mother. She says no one has even checked on her accept for Tamra. Then she gives her nailed to the cross like Jesus.
Heather tells Lizzie about the “story that is going around.” You know the one she has repeated six times on camera now. That story. For some reason Meghan and Heather go running after Vicki. A huge ridiculous fight breaks out between Vicki and Shannon and Vicki gets in the limo. So now it is Tamra’s turn to stir the pot. She tells Vicki that Meghan called the Pet Scan place and they said they don’t do those there. Eventually, Vicki is allowed to leave.
I’ll spare you the end notes.