When you were in college and had a big test the next day, did you ever stay up way too late the night before even though you know you needed your sleep? It’s sort of a self-sabotaging behavior. Well, that is what I did last night. I knew that this show and WWHL were going to be time consuming ventures so I binge watched TV shows until 8 a.m. Because, idiot.
But I am excited for the show to start and see if we learn anything interesting. My guess is going to be no. No we will not.
We begin with a montage of pictures of Joe and Teresa after their sentencing. And then a quick switch to Audriana, Milania and Gabriella home alone with Joe Giudice. Milania is learning how to cook sausages.
The agenda on this day includes a memorial service to remember Joe’s father who past away a year ago, and Gia going to her 8th grade dance. Joe says that the memorial means that they should always be nice to everyone. Then Joe goes in on Gia for her pimples. Because, Joe.
In court, Joe asked if he could drive the girls to the end of the driveway to get to the bus. She said no. So he’s shown walking them to the gate. I think they are old enough to walk to the gate by themselves. Around here, if you live less than a mile from school, you get no bus stop and you have to walk.
Joe’s cousin Teresa has practically moved in to help out with Joe. Teresa has been in constant contact with cousin Teresa to tell her exactly what to do for the memorial at her house. Joe says the Tre only gets 300 phone minutes a month but she has unlimited emails. He says she is doing yoga classes and spin classes in jail. This makes me think I could probably stand to do a year at camp cupcake. They are buying ten cakes from Costco. Joe gets emotional about missing his wife.
OMG! Teresa’s whackadoodle attention whore lawyer is on! Click here to read about him. He is more of a manager than an attorney. If Phaedra Parks was a white guy from Jersey, she’d be this guy. He says that he expects Teresa home on December 23rd. He tells Joe that the power is out at the prison on this day so she will call Gia before her date. She can email but she does not have access to the Internet. She watched RHOBH and RHOA in prison. That must have been a kick in the gut.
Teresa’s parents arrive for the memorial. The father will not go visit Teresa because he can’t handle seeing her in the prison. Joe is drinking. What happened to his plea deal where he claimed he was an alcoholic and needed the program in jail that gets you out a year or so earlier? I had wondered if he was allowed to drink while waiting for prison. Would he be stupid enough to drink on camera if he was not? Of course he would.
Over at the Gorgas, Melissa wonders why no one told her it was Gia’s 8th grade dance night. Joe talks about trying to talk to Teresa right before she went to prison. He said she was nasty, but then sweet. Over and over. He says, that’s Teresa. She sounds like a sour patch kid! Over the past couple of months they have been emailing. Things are getting better. Melissa wants to do more but Joe tends to go to his family for help.
Teresa bought Gia’s dress for the dance before she went to prison. That makes no sense. Gia makes it clear that there is still a lot of tension with the Gorgas. This means WWHL should be great tonight.
In her talking head, Gia says that her mom looks so much better in prison. She is less stressed and has no bags under her eyes anymore. Well, isn’t that nice. It’s like a mini-spa for stressed felons.
When Teresa calls she mostly talks to Gia who gets emotional. Gabriella tries to run interference by jumping into the conversation. Her father gets very upset and walks over an opens the front door and stands in the doorway. Milania runs after her grandfather to comfort him. It’s all very uncomfortable. Gia says that he mother doesn’t want he to cry in front of her father. Gia is his first grandchild and the favorite. Gia has the burden of worrying that her tears could literally kill her grandfather. Wow.
Gia says that the three youngest girls have been told that mommy is away working. Gia says it is true because Tre is keeping a diary and is going to “write” a book when she comes out. There is no way in hell that those girls don’t know their mother is in prison. If Gia and Joe are pretending that they don’t know for real, that is such a disservice to them. Teresa has to get off the phone because it’s time for her exercise class, but she sent Gia roses that she should get today.
The attorney has just planted himself in front of a camera and is awaiting his dinner. Tre has sent a makeup artist and a stylist to prepare Gia for her middle school dance. Or so the storyline goes. Did that stylist just give Gia a necklace from a Tiffany bag that isn’t Tiffany? Odd. Gia pulls out a Chanel bag from Tre’s closet. Clearly, they have learned nothing about living a life of excess with stolen money.
Joe goes to plant a tree as a memorial to his father. The three youngest girls share their memories. Joe and his brother Pete drink to his memory.
Apparently, the arty is for Gia and not for the memorial service. It looks like half the school is there. Every gilded piece of furniture is still in the house. Joe interrogates Dante, Gia’s very embarrassed date. Gia says they are going as friends. The party seems to be a cross between a memorial dinner and a middle school mixer.
The weird attorney is getting all the face time he ever dreamed of on this show. It’s ridiculous. Joe and Pete duck out to the yard where the memorial is and drink and chat a lone. Joe cries about everything. They are talking about Tre in prison. Pete says she doesn’t even deserve to be in prison. Is the dead father actually buried in the back yard? I’m serious about this question.
Joe is working doing odd construction jobs. Rosie shows up on a job site to chat with Joe. Joe tells Rosie that Tre talks about having to close her ears at night when all the lesbian sex is going on. Rosie is shocked that they allow it (they don’t) but Joe says you can do whatever you want to in prison. He makes a corndog reference about men’s prison. Rosie asks if he is going to get a boyfriend in prison. Joe just laughs. Joe talks about only being able to visit every other weekend because he is a felon. The oddball attorney explains in one of his numerous talking heads that Teresa will have the same restrictions visiting Joe. Joe could be incarcerated in Nebraska for all we know, so it really won’t matter as much.
Next we move ahead a couple weeks for Gia’s graduation. Milania isn’t handling Gia being the center of attention well. She blows off Teresa’s phone calls. Theresa’s mother goes in Tre’s place to the graduation. Melissa and Joe Gorga come to the after party at the house. Because the Giudices have plenty of money for throwing big catered events. The Joes seem to be getting along well.
We see a semi-drunk Joe getting ready to sleep on the couch and Teresa calls taking about watching Magic Mike in prison. Teresa talks about how much she can’t wait to get to home and have sex with Joe. Joe and Tre talk about wanting to grow old together.