Hello guests and welcome to American Horror Story: Hotel. This is a confirmation reminder for your reservation for your stay at the enigmatic Hotel Cortez for the next four months. We hope you are able to remain alive during your stay in one of the mystifying and haunted guest rooms. Just because you check in, it doesn’t guarantee that you will check out.
You might be greeted by The Countess, the fashionable, mysterious and seductive owner of the hotel. She has a seriously sexy thirst for drinking blood. How she acquires the vital plasma is an experience that you will have to see for yourself after you check in at the Hotel Cortez.
Your visit may be cut short by the Ten Commandments Killer, a serial murderer that chooses his victims based on biblical teachings. You could end up dead stuffed inside a mattress, but at least your spirit has the option to stay for eternity.
As a guest you will enjoy your hotel stay if you have an addictive personality; especially if your vice is alcohol, drugs, sex, or violence. Please enjoy some libations at the hotel bar. You will be attended to with discretion by the fabulous cross dressing bartender, Elizabeth Taylor. You can call him Liz. The Hotel also has a very unique monster, the Addiction Demon. You will know him when you see him. He’s the terrifying man with no eyes or mouth that is wearing a nasty conical dildo that rotates like a drill bit. Sex with him can be bloody messy, but don’t worry because the hotel maid service is first class. Just ask “Hypodermic Sally” and her junkie pals. The hotel is a discreet place for living out your carnal desires. You might even be invited for some group sex with The Countess, but it could be last breath you ever take.
For those committed to the AHS franchise, the ones that have lived in the Murder House, escaped the Asylum, protected The Coven, and attended the Freak Show, you can now check into the Hotel, but don’t be late. With bloodsuckers, killers, sex, drugs, and broken dreams along with a stellar cast minus the Grande Dame, Jessica Lange, the AHS series will launch its boldest, goriest, sexiest, and most depraved continuation of the anthology when Hotel premieres tonight at 10 ET on FX.
Watch the AHS:Hotel show intro with new remixed spooky theme music at the top of the post. As usual it contains clues of what to expect this season. Don’t be too scared to check in and join us for the Hotel discussion below. If you want a hotel rendezvous, follow me on twitter at @Urethra_F . I’m a sure thing.