I’m talking too much about the Real Housewives of Orange County on Twitter tonight, y’all. Because lord knows I just wanted to drink a glass of red or three with Olivia Pope and forget about some Bravo Bullshit for three goddamn hours. But no, no that is not God’s plan for my life.
I’ve got about 384 leads on the sad young man who shot up the community college in Oregon today. If I was still a teacher and not a blogger I would have been up all night reading them all. But I have to tend to this place pretty much every waking hour to keep things a float. Yet, I have information on that and knowledge about the site he posted at (allegedly) and know from reading that site that there are a lot more of them out there. I don’t know what to do to get mental help for the chronically depressed. The people on the place he posts are sad and desperate and alone and don’t deserve to be made fun of. That site offered up several young men on the verge of suicide. Hell the whole damn forum is on the verge of suicide because they have some sort of physical barrier whether real or imagined that makes them feel like they will never have sex or be loved. It is heartbreakingly sad to me. I know others won’t see it that way but it just breaks my heart.
But the honest truth is, there are a lot of people who will not be loved in this lifetime. There are more who will not find the one. I am one of the latter. I thought I found the one around 33 years ago and after that I was pretty much done. It’s really , really, really, really hard to face the fact that you are going to be alone. The site that the killer was on was a subform for virgin males that did not want to be virgins. They ranged in age from ? to 50+ there were so many people on that site that were chatting that night about blowing people up, that I read info on four or five of them before the accurate one was revealed. And when the media did reveal someone I was like OMG who is that? It has to be one of these guys!
Which made me feel like there have to be a whole lot of chicks like me who never got married, but really wanted to, but just not to anybody but Christopher and are now lonely old maids. Is there a place for that on 4Chan? Because I can’t promise none of us would want to take out some people as we leave.
Anyway, no one cares about all the lonely people, and how that causes mental health issues because everyone needs a hug from time to time. That old insult “Didn’t your mama hug you enough?” comes from a real thing. Maybe if you want world peace you should hug people you don’t wanna hug sometimes.
This was a hard day for me so this is more of a personal diary entry I will wish I didn’t make tomorrow. I have a hard time with school shootings because I have worked in schools my whole career since grad school and I never got any support when it came to identifying kids with issues like sexual abuse and physical abuse and religious abuse.
I know it when I see it. Because it happened to me. I get having to fight like hell to experience joy. I get watching everyone else be happy and going to dances in middle school with a boyfriend and then dating in high school and having friends. At least for me I enjoyed my college years. I enjoyed many of my years. But I didn’t follow the traditional path that makes you a “normie” on the sight that the killer was on. But I would be a female version of a Chad there. I’ve had a LOT of relationships. And I was pretty for a time. But that doesn’t change the fact that something was always wrong with me. I didn’t follow the proper steps in life. A substitute teacher in middle school told me I was not normal for standing up to her authority. Before that a girl scout teacher said I would never be married because I made strange noise while sleeping in the cabin with her. In some random country I was told I would never be married because I picked my feet up for someone to vacuum under them.
I guess where I am going with this is my heart breaks for all of the victims of senseless violence today. And after a lot of time online reading about various guys that people thought did this my heart breaks for them too.
It’s really easy for people (the “Chads”) as his board would say to lack compassion. And I’m still not sure which person they said did it actually killed these people. But I hope that the rest of us misfits, virgins, robots and fags (shut up it’s a thing on the site not what you think exactly) and old maids can find happiness. AND AT NO TIME SHOULD WE SHOOT ANYONE.
My prayer to the families involved on all sides.
Prayers to the victims & prayers to the families & most of all to those of us here who honor & recognize each other & still manage to be selfless kind & show compassion to all people when something tragic like this happens.We are all connected.
Amen.
I don’t know what the answer to this epidemic of violence is because it needs to stop. Also you are so right TT we need more compassion in this world, even if we don’t agree or approve of someones lifestyle, decisions or views we need compassion. This is one of your best posts IMO and I enjoy your blog and writing so much because you block the hate that so many feel they are entitled to spew at strangers. I think there’s a lot of unmarried people these days I’m one by choice sometimes I think what if or worry about the future but that only lasts for a minute.
The world seems to have become pretty mean spirited. One more good reason for me not to get a Twitter account. No thanks. I cannot believe the cruel things people write to complete strangers. Actually, a lot of them don’t seem to be too nice to people they actually know! For god’s sake, how difficult is it to be kind to one another??
I don’t think depression was the shooter’s only problem. Our local paper reported online earlier this evening that he spent several years living about a mile from our home. He graduated from a learning center in town. Most of the students have learning disabilities, quite a few of them are on the autism spectrum. The rest have behavioral problems. That’s even more upsetting to read. So, this is someone who apparently did have some level of help. This center is very well-respected, but I guess it wasn’t enough
It’s all so upsetting. How do we get people the help they need? Those poos families – and that includes the shooter’s family 🙁 too much loss.
Dear Tamara, thank you so much for sharing I have not been here since the 26th, been in hospital with husband. I came here as soon as I could. Your words touched me so much I had to respond. We all need to be kinder to each other. bless you, thank you, Dee
We have an ‘r u ok day?’ In Australia specifically to open a dialogue on issues like this.
On the outside that bar attendant may look totally ‘normal’. However, on the inside they are totally depressed and disconnected from society.
Some sites like 4chan and reddit can allow groups of disconnected people to reach out and talk to similar people. Which is great. Sadly, sometimes the online community does not channel this energy in a positive way.
I read here everyday, but wanted to comment. Great post. We all have struggles & it’s OK to be up front with people.
I really do think that so much of this is b/c the world is getting so intense that many cannot keep up. With everything being at our fingertips, it seems nothing is good enough. From personal experience, I think technology allows us to sink into the rabbit hole instead of coping/seeking help with things that need to be dealt with. Of course that doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s not a good thing for those of us who suffer from depression, mental health issues, trauma, etc. Technology is great, but I do think it can be detrimental to society.
So many people underestimate the power depression & mental illness can have on those who suffer. I have 2 kids and a husband, I still suffer greatly with depression daily. Some are just wired that way, & things like abuse, abandonment, & loneliness just exaggerate it. It’s not fair! I hate that people take so many innocent lives. I was really disturbed by that forum. I am able to have empathy for MOST of those people, they seem so desperate for acceptance & they get it from each other. On the other side though, there are just some bad people out there too. If you get to the point where you are seriously making a plan to kill or are encouraging others, & not committing yourself, you deserve the worst. People that take it to this extreme seem to have a totally diluted sense of reality. It’s a dangerous combination.
We’ll never be able to make sense of these things b/c there is no sense to it. We just need to find any way we can to prevent these people from succeeding in their plan, b/c psychopaths aren’t going away. I don’t mean banning guns either.
I try not to focus on these things otherwise I’d never let my kids leave the house :s. Sorry 4 such a long post!
And I agree with cawoman, we need to be nicer to others! That is one thing we can help, especially for the next generation. Bullying & making people feel bad can do some real damage on a delicate psyche. It breaks my heart to see that & I pray my kids never have to go through it like I did. That is on the parents & other adults. Don’t do it yourself, teach them it’s never acceptable, & raise them w/some damn discipline & respect. Zero tolerance.
Keep that Black Dog at bay. I was diagnosed as bipolar at 23 and have fought for 26 years now. My oldest son just turned 21 and it was not a good summer for him, I thought he would be off to New Orleans but no, I jsaw the signs of depression. I guess I really can’t write without crying right now. I did get him to see someone finally. Normal is overrated so are husbands. It was called manic depression when I diagnosed, and the stigma was horrible. I am writing this now because it still bothers me, so this is my you are not alone to everyone out there. It is not shameful
TT,
Wow! What a poignant blog…. I am really reflecting now. I have no words… xo
Prayers to all.
TT I read here several times a day and post off and on, because I think you are so witty and also so call it like it is. My kind of people. This post has me bawling like a baby at so many things, but mainly about your kind and caring heart of your path to get to the wonderful person you are today. You have a heart of gold. Thank you TT for all you do.
Please, TT, no regrets today for this raw, provocative entry. It’s actually quite inspiring.
I 100% agree!
I would never want to be normal. Fuck normal. People entertaining themselves and making themselves feel important. Mind controlled to fit the ‘norm’. School starts at an early age that if you learn different there is something wrong with you. The only people who made a difference are the people who weren’t normal and thought outside the box. They don’t want you to think like that. Get more money so we can get more stuff. That is the norm. Well fuck that. It’s never too late to find what you want or to see the truth. You just have to be open to it and once you take that red pill, there is no going back. The rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper. Better be prepared for what you are going to see and learn.
TT, great blog, just remember not many people find “the one”, most people settle for less.
As for the mass killings, it effects everyone, when I am in a public now I actually sometimes look around for a potential hiding place, “just in case”.
On a lighter note: Remember that reality show, I cant remember the name but the main guy’s name was Mystery and he helped the socially inept learn how to find women. It was amazing what he did with the sad guys.
It is Saturday the 3rd of October. I just ran across this blog. I was away for a few days with a friend undergoing cancer treatment to prolong her life as her cancer is not curable and is terminal.
I hope you don’t have any regrets about your comments/blogging. For the most part, I personally find that when I reveal my long fight with depression and anxiety and share with others, I feel this horrible sense of vulnerability; afraid someone will judge me negatively, feel sorry for me, or simply avoid me. Mental health/illness is still a ‘dirty’ word in 2015. Other family members suffered from depression including my mother. I never felt that hopelessness until my ex and I started the divorce process. It wasn’t because I wanted to stay with him or that I still love him. It was because I was scared about being alone and lonely. I witnessed it in my own family and saw the toll it took on the person suffering mental illness and all of us in the family who had to adjust/help, intervene.
I don’t care for the sweeping generalizations that I read about online and in the news. I am alone, occasionally lonely, but for the most part, not lonely. I was married 20 years, but like Natalie mentioned above, I just settled. After living together for three years, I knew my ex and I would probably have a tumultuous relationship and I was right. I cried the night before I was to get married. My sister said I had wedding jitters, but I told her that I had none. I just knew I was marrying someone that wasn’t compatible for me, nor me for him. I think I felt I invested too many years with him and was scared if I left and decided to forgo my plans to marry him, I might never find anyone else. What a pathetic reason for getting married, yet it didn’t stop me from marrying him.
Being alone, even lonely, doesn’t make one mentally ill. I don’t like hearing that categorization in the news and other media outlets. I don’t own a gun and never would contemplate doing so. I’m just not a violent person. I don’t like confrontation and would run from a head-on collision with anyone. There is some sociopathy (IMO) that I believe that exists in a person who would head out to a college with premeditation to kill as many people as he, people he didn’t even know knowing full well that he was breaking the law, causing insufferable pain to the victims and family of victims.
I live alone, but I am not lonely. In many aspects of life, I think I am a loner. And that’s okay with me. I hope it’s okay for you as well. I think many of us live lives of “quiet desperation” but we cope, adjust, and plod on. We don’t head out the door with the intention of obliterating as many people as we can because we feel we have been wronged by life and people.
The situation is actually a lot more complicated than that. Yet, it’s very simple.
I know that may not make much sense, but to someone in that frame of mind, it makes perfect sense. And that’s the problem. No one really understands, unless you have been there.
I have. Somewhere around 1995-1996, I very nearly carried out a plan to finally make myself heard. All I wanted was someone to actually HEAR ME, and I was really angry, because I was met with mean jokes and jabs. Worse, my cries for help were ignored.
I was a non-person.
And that made me very angry, because I had a lot to offer. And no one gave a damn.
At first, it was just a fleeting thought. But the more I was ignored, the angrier I became. And the more that thought made sense. Within a couple of months, that fleeting thought became a plan for revenge.
I was hurting. No one cared. And if they were going to make me hurt this badly, when I had done nothing wrong, I was going to make them hurt in return.
I was going to make one final statement. And MAKE them hear me.
Luckily, I broke down before I was able to obtain a gun. I was in outpatient therapy for YEARS. FINALLY, someone was listening.
That was all I wanted. It was that simple.
When these things happen, people hop on the gun control bandwagon. But the fact is: If someone wants to do this, gun control will not stop them. They will find a way. I was going to borrow my neighbor’s gun. Luckily, she was out of town that week.
This is not a gun issue. It’s a human issue. A social issue.
I am OK now. I had a great therapist, who treated me as an individual, not a case. Now, when I think back to those years, I am shocked. And ashamed. I almost went there. I almost became a monster. Almost.
Now, I know exactly who I am. I am no longer a non-person. I decide who I want to be. And I don’t let anyone interfere with that. Never again will anyone take away my power to be ME.
I MATTER. YOU MATTER. ALL LIVES MATTER. What doesn’t matter is whether you are black, white, cop, whatever the focus group of the day is.
ALL LIVES MATTER.
That touched my heart Cat. We can be in such fragile places, yet gain strength through the compassion of just one person.
Amen!
Cat,
God Bless you. I am so PROUD of you! You had the strength to overcome – VERY INSPIRING!!!! Thank you for sharing your story.
HUGS TO YOU!!!
Thanks. It was really hard work. 10 years. I had to dig through a lot of past crap that had been buried (shameless litter box reference), but it was worth it. My life is my own now. And that’s the way it should be.
Yes they do! <3
So brave to share all of that Cat.
The only thing I want to add is that it is a gun control issue as much as a mental health issue. We have to tackle all aspects if we really are to prevent further shootings.
Try to prevent people mentally getting to ‘that point’ where they want to use a gun AND making it harder for them to access a gun if they get there. Especially the weaponry that a lot of these kids are using that is military grade (semiautomatic weaponry with hollowpoint bullets etc).
This is a complex, multifaceted issue that requires both heavy gun regulation and further developments in mental health treatment, starting with tackling the stigma associated with, and preventing people from,seeking help early on for depressing.
Early on for depression*
Midnight here. That’s my excuse.
True. I guess what I’m trying to say is: the gun is simply the instrument. The twisted thought is what pulls the trigger.
If someone is bent on killing, they will, whether they have a gun, or not.
I hold a green belt in karate. I know how to kill without a gun. I choose not to. There are other ways to be heard.
We need to to limit people’s access to semi and automatic weapons. They do the most damage. Their only purpose is to kill humans. Who hunts with an automatic weapon? And before some dumb fuck says they do, then you do not hunt. You just want to slaughter.
Thank you for saying that. You are from Australia, I believe? A prime example of how the gun control aspect works. I spent several years in Canada and witnessed how it works there too. I cannot post my own opinion on my own fb page because I just am not up for the demeaning, personal attacks it will generate from several people in my own family who literally lather at the mouth at the mere mention of gun control. Another component worth mentioning after this latest horror is that we glorify the shooter by plastering his or her picture all over the place along with their “story”. I work for a media outlet and this is something we absolutely have to take responsibility for. If we concentrated on all of these things…mental health, depression, limited access to guns, no media glorification of the perpetrator – I do believe we could both help people and stop these mass shootings.
Thank you for sharing. You touched my heart.
Cat I am so glad you were helped and came out so strong and stable. Hugs, your post warms my heart.
I Love You.
Well said, TT. Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience/perspective. I can relate to being different and having traumas that others aren’t aware of that affect you, its a sad thing when people are suffering this way. The loneliness is palpable.
We need to reduce the stigma that goes along with mental health issues, be more compassionate to each other and get people access to help- especially kids.So sad for everyone involved.
(((((((((TT))))))))))
I love you, Tamara. You are snarky as hell, but you have a huge heart. I’ll never be a normie either but I’m okay with that. Animals bring me much joy in this world but I still have a deep love and respect for others. A little kindness goes a long way and I only wish more people would realize this.
Your posting is very courageous, honest, heartfelt and informative, TT. These people were children who started suffering early on, and who needed true compassion and help and we urgently require programs in our schools and pediatricians who will suggest, free, early, and truly empathic ongoing therapy. We also need stringent anti bullying laws on a national level and in schools. We need a compassionate society that does not bully non conformists or those who are different in some way. We must reach out to one another with love, loving kindness, gentleness, understanding, sympathy, and respect. Liberals and Republicans alike, imo, are part of the survival of the fittest carnage that is based on nothing but catering to special interests and the power of money. We must seek spirit, and love one another and reach out to those who are alone. We have to change our society. We need values, and all morality is based on love and belief in a higher plane of spirituality. Our hearts go out to the victims on both sides.
Thank you TT for your wonderful blog. I was just thinking this morning how sad it is for all those involved and I pray for them. I watched Obama yesterday being angry about the lack of gun control. I sympathize with him but what makes me even more angry is the lack of help and care for those dealing with a mental illness. Maybe, just maybe before we worry about not letting “crazy” people get guns, we try helping those people have a REAL chance in life. I know that as a person who was diagnosed with several mental illnesses that the stigmas are real, the sadness is real, and the lack of treatment is real…
We need to be a better and more caring society. Our society is broke. No community bonds. Less family bonds. Don’t you dare say anything to someone else’s child. If you reach out to someone are you going to end up in some sort of trouble or open a whole can of worms you do not want? Everyone knows what I am talking about.
Plus, now it is so easy to not be part of society. It’s easy to get lost in the internet’s grasp. People you communicate with on here could be anyone. I’m sure some sociopaths/psychopaths stalk those sites just to get their jollies by trying to push someone over the edge.
It’s very, very complicated yet simple as Cat said.
No wonder I’m so drawn to this site… I’m just as fugged up as all of you, lol!!! I’ve never been “normal” either, but at 35, I embrace it. In my youth however, I would try so hard ways to be socially accepted– to be one of the popular girls. My problem was that on the outside, I “should” have belonged somewhere: I’m smart, tall, pretty and my parents made good money. But I was too much of a “white girl” to be accepted by my black classmates. Of course my white classmates liked me, but still, I was black. And when I would be constantly rejected by both groups, I contemplated many times on how I could take that ultimate way out. I’m so glad I didn’t. I love my quirkiness now and the world is changing and evolving into a place in which you can find your kindred spirits, like I did on this site and in real life (thank God for college).
I guess people who feel like outsiders just need a place to feel like they belong- to feel like they are free to be themselves and share their interests sans judgment, whether it’s comic books or anime or gory horror movies. We all need acceptance. It’s a requirement for the human psyche. When you don’t get that, you mentally break. That’s what happens in all these school shootings. The kids who do this are sick-literally- of rejection.
I wish there was a way to group them all together. I heard that in some states/cities the powers that be allowed their gay and lesbian students to have their own school so they didn’t face the hatred and ridicule from homophobic students at regular public schools. I wish there was a way to offer the kids who suffer,like the current and previous school shooters,a similar haven where they can be accepted and find other like-minded individuals and form meaningful connections. I think an environment that’s suited for the depressed/ low self esteem student population could really help kids to develop better coping skills and confidence to go forward in life. Just my opinion.
My heart goes out to the family of all of the victims, as well as all of you who are suffering or have suffered mentally and emotionally.
You are so right!
In my case, my problem was that I was trying too hard to fit in. To be “normal”. But I was never taught social skills. I learned early on (age 9) to isolate. I feel safe being isolated.
Of course, that is not normal. And most professionals would focus on getting me “out there”. It’s just not for me. And trying to force that square peg into a round hole just doesn’t work.
So, I am the ultimate introvert. I accept that fact. It’s who I am. And I like it.
Thank God for social media. Otherwise, at age 60, I would be completely isolated.
Very good, thoughtful post. I think this is not a gun issue but a mental health issue. I don’t know how it can be solved but people can be so mean and hateful. Mental health is no laughing matter. I’ve had severe depression and all I wanted was someone to listen and say it’s going to be ok…to listen to me…that was what I needed. I just don’t know how with the breakdown in our system how we flag people that need the help before this happens. I just hate that it immediately turns into we need more gun laws. If someone is going to kill from their own warped feelings they will do it no matter what…guns, bombs etc. My heart goes out to these families and the community. What is going on in this country?
I am a long time reader, but never comment. I have tears running down my face reading your post and all the comments from other readers. Your post was heartfelt, heartbreaking, inspiring, sad, hopeful and I beg you not too take it down!
To know you are not the only one that feels the feelings you describe is a measure of comfort, if not for only a minute. To read all the kind comments by your readers is a small amount of comfort, if fir only a minute. When one is seriously, chronically depressed who fights for moments of joy, as you describe, these small moments of comfort mean EVERYTHING.
A big hug to you and all your readers who bring me small moments of joy and kindness each and every day.
I have witnessed your compassion prior to this post so I am not at all surprised that it came through loud and clear in this one. The problem as I see it is not so much about guns but about how we treat the mentally ill. Actually we DO NOT treat the mentally ill or the depressed and hide our heads in the sand so we don’t have to deal with something that makes us uncomfortable. I also heard about the conversations on “the deep internet” site where the shooter and others were talking prior to the shootings. They were crying out for help but no one was there to listen and anyone who witnessed this young man’s pain obviously either ignored it or was helpless to help him deal with it. I feel for the innocent victims and I wish their families the strength to go on. I also wish that we as a nation would focus more on those who are crying somewhere in the dark where the only voices that they hear echo their own misery.
Thank you for your compassion..it is rare these days in a world of internet bullies and anonymous self-entitled morons who speak without thinking and inflict pain on others that they don’t know or care about.
That should change as well as stricter gun laws. The internet should not be used as a weapon to harm innocent people anymore than a gun should..
God Bless teachers.
They are the emotional first responders.
Thanks so much, TT, Cat, Casey and so many of you for the kindness and insights offered today. I’m praying for our country and that each of us can find ways to come to grips with this issue!
Mental illness/personal vulnerability is at the heart of the problem, and I have been appalled to learn in recent years that as medical costs have risen, decisions to reduce/eliminate mental health care in the US have led to the closing of many mental health care facilities . The intention is to continue to reduce access to mental health, which I did not know, and suspect many here don’t either. As a result, our jails are teeming with people who need mental health care, not incarceration. It is an illness, not some personal weakness that people should be judged about.
In Illinois, there are now two hospitals devoted to mental health in the northern part of the state , for those who don’t have insurance, – and they are busting at the seams. (While there are hospitals with wings for psych care for those with insurance, they are rarer and have waiting lists often, for basic mental care hospitalization.) The state facilities care for those(without insurance) found guilty of crimes due to mental issues, those too mentally ill to face trial, and have a smaller wing temporarily housing people who are profoundly disturbed , but I’ve recently been aware of someone with an experience in one, and there were 24 patients to one doc. That psychiatrist spoke with the patient for an hour on intake and once again two weeks later, with the family present. When asked what the diagnosis was, the doc asked them what they thought, and said she had not had time to make one. This wing for 24 patients had one psychiatrist, with two social workers and no therapists.
Care consisted of group meetings with people telling their stories, but zero help available to provide the personal attention mentioned above as so necessary in order to help individuals work through their personal concerns/challenges. The hospitals trust that the drugs they try will stabilize the crisis and then release the patients back into society. While the plan for that person was to immediately begin a program with a therapist and a psych doc on release , in fact none has been available, and it is now 5 weeks since release. So in practice, patients are stabilized with drugs , and thrown back out to find their way, without access to resources to work through their issues. And of course, without a doctor to oversee and order additional meds, the prescriptions run out and these patients are back where they began, to begin again if they deteriorate.
I share this to say we truly need to elevate attention to this issue nationally, and to get real help to people in need. In the meantime, we must attempt to personally invest in those around us, with kindness and what support we can provide, to help manage this situation. It is so much bigger than any one of us, but many of the points mentioned in the discussion above would help.
TT, your post was wonderful and I thank you for it. Many of the comments shared have been so deeply touching and true. Entertaining and fun as the RH world can be , I agree with many above that this is a wonderful sharing experience for the issues that really impact each of us, and thank you so much for it!!
Your response is dead on. In a World that has become so ass back words or “unconventional” in people’s eyes, I am super thankful that my household has become “old school.” What I mean by that is, my household now consists of 2 Parents and a Grandmother. With that, my Kids have one more person (with more experience) to bounce off of and lookout for the signs, any signs. Teachers spend way more time with our Children then most ever will be blessed too. We hold Teachers accountable for way more than we should, especially for what they’re paid. Reading your reply and writing this, I am reminded even more how damn blessed my kids and I are!
Maisey, I have never heard that saying before. I am not sure if you made it up or not…
But, I love it! ❤️ Nothing rings more true ❤️
Frosty,
That saying just popped into my head this morning after reading TT’s post and Twitter.
It is the parents who should provide a loving, disciplined and nurturing environment for children. Sadly, for many different reasons, families fall short. Some,way short. And increasing numbers today.
There used to be more natural support systems in place for kids. A grandmother who lived with the family or nearby, the neighborhood Priest or Rabbi, or heck, even the well known neighbors on the porch next door.
We move pretty fast now a days in a more transient, and technology-fueled world. Seems to me that teachers are indeed the emotional first responders for a lot of youth now. And a lot on their own time; their own expense.
Like I said: God Bless Teachers
Your blog post was truthful. Many people are so isolated now and this isolation causes despair in individuals. We need to find a way to reach out, be kinder and stop the madness.
TT, I am so glad that you stepped out, dug deep and gave us this. Reading these responses has touched me in a way I didn’t expect. I have identified with them, they have provided me with inspiration and some self awareness I truly wasn’t expecting.
I miss the sense of “Community” here, I am not sure what changed (for me) or where everyone went, but I need back in. I know I fell out of my self for a while (Ok. A long while)…I allowed that to happen in all aspects of my life without even realizing it, until I looked up and noticed I was missing.
When I first found you, your Blog and the Community (Family) of Commenters…I knew I found my spot on the stupid internet! ?
Without even knowing it, in time I felt everything change and for the better! For someone who is stuck at home day in and day out, YOUR Blog and everyone here…saved my ass! I found humor and a few connections. People who over time shared their experience’s of different levels of ailments. Some that kept them home bound and others that let them continue to brave the world. And after awhile I withdrew from myself. Again. Which always includes, EVERYTHING.
Of course life takes its course and I fall in and out of myself, but after this Post…I am recommitting to the fact and myself that I am not alone in yet another extremely debilitating invisible hell! I am not alone in my feelings, it isn’t all about ME, there are others hanging out or doing laps around “Scary Island” with me ? (Sorry. I couldn’t help the “Scary Island” reference!) ?
TT, I would extremely enjoy if you did Post’s on whatever the hell you wanted too! Especially on whatever is catching you at the moment, not what you feel or think we are always expecting from you. Obviously I can only speak for myself, but I would have loved for you to go deeper into your leads! Instead of having to do a RHOC post so quickly, only because you feel that’s what WE require of you. You know people will read and comment on whatever you choose to right about!! And if you don’t know…Now ya know?
Now that I have gone on and on and on… I am sorry for that. But, I had too. I have always felt safe here, wether it being snarky, silly or debating the crap out of something! Today of all days, TT provided the platform and CAT opened my heart and my eyes.
I completely agree. Welcome home. <3
Thanks Cat ❤️
“…I looked up and noticed I was missing.” Well said, Frosty the OG. I have been in that place, but never knew how to describe it before I read your comment.
I couldn’t help saying “Yes!” aloud which startled my little dog. 😉
Margarett, I am laughing about your little Pup! I can totally see it! And thanks ? it’s a weird ass place to be…but, there’s ALWAYS a good way out! Always learning. Ugh.
Well fuck. I can’t exactly delete my blatherings NOW. Since y’all are all blowing sunshine up my ass. Let’s move on. I need to get things back on track and get back to smacking window lickers around.
Enough with this love and happiness crap. Jesus.
and thanks and stuff.
TT, I did not send you hugs, I only hug my dogs.
serious, you are a good looking woman, stop wasting yourself in hiding.
I don’t know crap but you seem to suffer from the eye – mirror – mind fuck up. You are not able to see yourself honestly.
It is a real condition.
I’ve been using my fitbit, lost 10 lbs.
Great blog. I agree with all commentors here. Sorry to see gun control enter the discussion tho. If that’s gonna happen, drugs should be blamed as well. Oregon legalized weed yesterday.
Train hero Alek Skarlatos would’ve been on the Oregon college campus where a gunman killed 10 … if not for his stint on “Dancing With The Stars.”
Sources close to Skarlatos tell us he’d already enrolled at Umpqua Community College before accepting the ‘DWTS’ gig. We’re told he had scheduled his classes for Tuesdays and Thursdays this semester, so he’s certain he would have been on campus when the shooting happened.
We broke the story, Skarlatos bolted out of rehearsal Thursday when news broke about the shooting, and he flew home to Oregon almost immediately. We’re told ABC paid for the flight.
Read more: http://www.tmz.com/#ixzz3nRsyC1AJ
Wow!
There was a news story today down under that an ex-army student charged the shooter (and was shot 5 times). If true, he is a hero. It always amazes me when people do this. I hope that in a similar situation I would have heroic instincts too.
It was 7 times. Both legs are broken and he’ll have to go through therapy to learn to walk again, but no vital organs were hit. Only part of the news I caught – since I’m actively avoiding it right now. (But since I live near the base he was apparently stationed at – or where some of his army buddies are who described his training and said they were absolutely NOT surprised he did what he did). Bless him.
Wow! Thanks everyone so much for sharing. I will admit I’m one of the clueless and your stories are heartbreaking. I honestly appreciate all of your beautiful perspectives.
I’m so moved by this post, because that’s me in there too, the oddball, the one meaning well yet saying or doing the wrong thing somehow. All I can do is inch along, feeling along the walls like a blind person and try to keep my will good. It is good. And it is the truth that we need to accept our own humanity, warts and all, and let people see you. And you will see them.
I haven’t read about this, but instead came across some information about Adam Lanza, that made me understand how broken this kid was, if not exactly why he erupted in such a murderous rage while others do not. I didn’t like feeling my compassion engage for him. I want him to be a monster, split hooves, tail and all. It’s easier to keep it all at a distance that way.
God knows how much I love the net and rely on it. Too much so, I sometimes need a nudge to actually get out and socialize with flesh and blood people! By the same token, places like 4chan act as a force multiplier when this closed community of hurting people intensify each other’s pain and rage, thinking that is “support,” rather than healing. Someone may have an answer, but not me. I’m just another pixel mook on the internet, wish you all well and safe.
I wish I had said your post, Tamara.
OK… don’t want to go all Oprah/Iyanla/Liz Gilbert/Rob Bell on you – but as a single 44 year old fat chick who didn’t get married/have kids, etc. like a lot of her friends, or find “the one”… I decided a while ago that I AM THE ONE. I am good enough for ME. You can be your “one” too.
I’m sure everyone is different, and loneliness is a very real thing – but there came a point when I realized that I was buying into everyone else’s interpretation that because I am “alone” I must be “lonely”, especially as a female. Same kind of pressure women who choose not to have children get, I think. Once I started reminding myself that it is ok to be solo, I felt a little better. Actually, the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert helped too, plus working to maintain my family and friend relationships, and volunteering.
Preach!
Wallowing in self pity because you’re single (rather than in a sexless, unhappy, and/or infidelity-riddled marriage like MOST people who are in long-term relationships) is the most “normal” thing of all. Fuck that.
Most mental illnesses if not Hereditary starts at home or in elementary school or both. We could all Benefit if the Government would step in and impose a mandatory regulation(s).
1st – Parents shouldn’t be allowed to have kids or parent them if they do not ‘GRADUATE” from a top notch parenting course “Paid or Free”.
Now don’t get what I’m about to say the wrong way because I know that there have been serial killers that come from well established parents but the truth is that the amount of people thinking to do harm for payback is much more maximized in poverty areas or upbrings.
The main reason for that is because we are treated as if we do not matter or deserve any respect.
Even at a mature age you can go to one of those government career source places and it is all about who would be the easiest for them to place and that’s according to their perception of you.
I remember when i was down and out with no work and I was going through the motion at one of them places. My counselor never did anything for me to get a job other than have me do the resume classes which is not really a course but an i was here “Stamp it and move on”…
Anyhow two years went by and I realized there had been a recruitment for I think it was construction work. Now that may not be my cup of tea but I can do it, have done it and will do it If I have to.
I remember asking my counselor why she didn’t tell me about it and she replied “You can’t do that type of work, you are too fragile”. I simply looked at her…
Here’s someone who knew that I was surviving by selling chips & drinks late at night…
For those who have no clue most days I was pushing 80 to 100 lbs of weight in a big cooler all by myself 14-16 blocks or more going and coming in good health and bad health.
My point is that these are not like the old days where people took a social worker or med job, counseling or customer service job because they truly cared.
Now it’s all about having “A JOB” and not what it entails or expects of you and what the customers hopes you will offer them.
With that said I believe there should be “INDIVIDUAL – On call Therapist” at the Schools/ Colleges, who specifically deal with troubled kids and teachers and parents…
Therapists who can offer “One on One HELP”…
Parents can’t help their children if they come from abusive backgrounds and in some cases are being abused by their own children.which I might add should be automatically removed from their homes and taken to an extensive boot camp that lasts for years or until they are mature and ready.
Last and just as important, “Online Bullying and Teasing”…
It happens at every second especially when certain people find themselves not being able to counter someone’s post due to ignorance, illiteracy and non education.
They become very combative towards other posters who have different views…
Before you know it it’s a Dominoe effect and you have a whole gang of people attacking a particular poster who God forbid used their real name or email because they will continue to be targeted. I believe that the “LAW” should put people in jail for “Bullying” and it should go in Degrees of their “Actions”…
Some of you may Disagree with me but to me “Bullying is a killing Weapon” and together we need to Stop it. Stop letting posters in your blog charge at or attack another for defending their point of view. Give them a warning, if they continue block them from your blog or bogs/websites etc.
Record their ip’s and Report them but don’t do so without Confirming that they inniciated a problem.
Let’s help society be better people “While it may be a laugh initially it becomes Toxic” once others join the verbal or text attacks. It is NEVER nice or good to be the Target of MANY….
If you feel someone is giving the wrong advice put a reference or a link to where they can find the right advice and you can also ask a moderator to help on the subject if applies.
Always, always remember that there are people who can feel very STRONGLY about a subject at hand and if YOU are one who Has a different point of view THERE IS NOTHING wrong with you sharing that thought without BASHING or OFFENDING the Other.
STOP embracing BULLYING report it, report, report it…
AUTHORITIES need to give back the Control of children to Parents and Teacfhers,..
More STREET FREE PHONES need to be PLACED for ANONYMOUS CALLS in the Event of any type of Criminal Activity that’s in motion or about to be…
Do your part and let the Authorities investigate..Do not ABUSE the right to Alert authorities and what I mean is “If you do not like a certain somebody for whatever reason, Do not SET THEM UP”.
Love those who gave you life, love yourself and others….”Live Better”…
TT you and Cat are so brave. I struggled with depression in my teens and then panic disorder in my mid 20’s that continues to this day. I was blessed to meet a good man who somehow understands and help me deal when it gets too much. My heart goes out to those who have to battle it in their own.