I’m talking too much about the Real Housewives of Orange County on Twitter tonight, y’all. Because lord knows I just wanted to drink a glass of red or three with Olivia Pope and forget about some Bravo Bullshit for three goddamn hours. But no, no that is not God’s plan for my life.
I’ve got about 384 leads on the sad young man who shot up the community college in Oregon today. If I was still a teacher and not a blogger I would have been up all night reading them all. But I have to tend to this place pretty much every waking hour to keep things a float. Yet, I have information on that and knowledge about the site he posted at (allegedly) and know from reading that site that there are a lot more of them out there. I don’t know what to do to get mental help for the chronically depressed. The people on the place he posts are sad and desperate and alone and don’t deserve to be made fun of. That site offered up several young men on the verge of suicide. Hell the whole damn forum is on the verge of suicide because they have some sort of physical barrier whether real or imagined that makes them feel like they will never have sex or be loved. It is heartbreakingly sad to me. I know others won’t see it that way but it just breaks my heart.
But the honest truth is, there are a lot of people who will not be loved in this lifetime. There are more who will not find the one. I am one of the latter. I thought I found the one around 33 years ago and after that I was pretty much done. It’s really , really, really, really hard to face the fact that you are going to be alone. The site that the killer was on was a subform for virgin males that did not want to be virgins. They ranged in age from ? to 50+ there were so many people on that site that were chatting that night about blowing people up, that I read info on four or five of them before the accurate one was revealed. And when the media did reveal someone I was like OMG who is that? It has to be one of these guys!
Which made me feel like there have to be a whole lot of chicks like me who never got married, but really wanted to, but just not to anybody but Christopher and are now lonely old maids. Is there a place for that on 4Chan? Because I can’t promise none of us would want to take out some people as we leave.
Anyway, no one cares about all the lonely people, and how that causes mental health issues because everyone needs a hug from time to time. That old insult “Didn’t your mama hug you enough?” comes from a real thing. Maybe if you want world peace you should hug people you don’t wanna hug sometimes.
This was a hard day for me so this is more of a personal diary entry I will wish I didn’t make tomorrow. I have a hard time with school shootings because I have worked in schools my whole career since grad school and I never got any support when it came to identifying kids with issues like sexual abuse and physical abuse and religious abuse.
I know it when I see it. Because it happened to me. I get having to fight like hell to experience joy. I get watching everyone else be happy and going to dances in middle school with a boyfriend and then dating in high school and having friends. At least for me I enjoyed my college years. I enjoyed many of my years. But I didn’t follow the traditional path that makes you a “normie” on the sight that the killer was on. But I would be a female version of a Chad there. I’ve had a LOT of relationships. And I was pretty for a time. But that doesn’t change the fact that something was always wrong with me. I didn’t follow the proper steps in life. A substitute teacher in middle school told me I was not normal for standing up to her authority. Before that a girl scout teacher said I would never be married because I made strange noise while sleeping in the cabin with her. In some random country I was told I would never be married because I picked my feet up for someone to vacuum under them.
I guess where I am going with this is my heart breaks for all of the victims of senseless violence today. And after a lot of time online reading about various guys that people thought did this my heart breaks for them too.
It’s really easy for people (the “Chads”) as his board would say to lack compassion. And I’m still not sure which person they said did it actually killed these people. But I hope that the rest of us misfits, virgins, robots and fags (shut up it’s a thing on the site not what you think exactly) and old maids can find happiness. AND AT NO TIME SHOULD WE SHOOT ANYONE.
My prayer to the families involved on all sides.