I’m sad to share we’ve had a failed pregnancy. I have cried so much that I can’t cry anymore. We were pregnant with twins but we’re not anymore.
I chose to share this here, because I made this quest for Milla (and hopefully her sibling) public a long time ago.
Every day I meet people congratulating me and Derek on the baby news, I get baby clothes sent to the office by kind strangers, and it se…ems that more people are invested in our little family than I could ever imagine. Our family is no different from yours… we just want to build our own unit of love in our own home.
The last couple of days I couldn’t take it anymore, to upkeep this perception of happiness and success when I’ve been a total sad mess inside. I’ve felt like a failure and that I’ll never get to where I want to go: for me and Derek to finally become parents. I’ve heard these stories so many times before, about couples who’ve tried so hard and for so long but now I fully understand how difficult it can be.
I try to zoom out and see the bigger picture. It’s hard most of the time. It gets a little better. It does. Derek is so kind, especially at night when I’ve been the saddest. We do have the dogs. We have our family and friends. They say it’s common in the first ten weeks. Mini kisses my salty tears. And we will try again. We have to. I’m not giving up. We’re just not going to give up! We have to go on and simply try again.
Yet, I wonder… where is she now? Is she already out there somewhere, above? Is she waiting for us like she’s always been waiting, just a little longer? Can she see all of this, but just doesn’t have a worldly form yet to reach out, give me a sign and make me stronger? ❤
That is so sad.
I read his FB post last night and my heart broke for them. He is really torn up as would be expected. Sending them all healing hugs and prayers.
I agree there is a lot of sad news lately, both world wide and personal. This is heartbreaking. They were so close. My heart breaks for them. I pray that something wonderful is ahead . Poor Momma too. Hoping and praying for peace of heart for them all.
I wonder how far along she was. Does anyone know?
His post implies it was in the first 10 weeks.
Wow…that is so terribly sad. Those of us who watch the show are invested. We have shared their lives as our entertainment. Frederik seemed over the moon when they found the surrogate. I was very happy for him & Derek. I am stopping bu church today to say a prayer. I will say one for them and the baby. My life is kind of yucky right now but nothing this terrible.Thank god they have each other and the dogs.RIP little Milla.
No. How devastating. I am heartbroken for them.
“God is close to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit,” Psalms 34:18. So deeply sorry for them.
The surrogate mother recently had a baby. Didn’t she say 6 months old? Perhaps her uterus needed more time to recover before carrying twins.
I believe you are thinking about the surrogate for Jeff Lewis.
My heart breaks for them
When I think about the Kim Davis’ in this world, I get even more angry. Trying to stop people that love each other from getting married because we are suppose to believe in the God that SHE believes in. Shame on her for not supporting a love like these two share They deserve a family as much as everyone else. I will have these guys in my heart, wishing and hoping they have the child they so desperately want…for it will be a lucky and loved child for sure.
Especially when everything she does in her life flies in the face of her supposed “religious” beliefs. It’s not ok for gay couples to get married and have families, but she can divorce a million times and have kids out of wedlock. Oh the hypocrisy.
It gets me so upset that people like Fredrik and his hubby have to struggle against people like her and their bigoted beliefs.
That makes them even more deserving of happy life and family, they earned it.
Fredriks post is so heartbreaking and the ending makes me hurt for him more. Why? Maybe bc I am a special kind of f’ed up. I admire people who can see the light when it’s dark.
I have 2 friends that have been together since we were like 5. I am not kidding, they were best friends and growing up it was obvious. They finally were able to wed and wanted a family. Out of all of our, sane and healthy friends they asked me if I would carry a child for them. After a lot of prayer and therapy I agreed. I knew I wanted to but I just wasn’t sure if I could be that unselfish. I already had my son so I knew I could get pregnant etc. When we went to the initial doc appt, I was told that I had the hormone levels of a female in her mid 20s, I was 35. But they were completely shocked I was able to carry my son to term bc of my hip bones ??? And other girl stuff. They were so broken, but 6 weeks later they were introduced to a lady who was 5 months pregnant and she was going to put her child up for adoption. Mary Katherine (yes Southern ) is 6 and the most precious bratty Princess EVER!
Sorry I started the wine early today.
Tara, what a sweet honor that they wanted you to carry the baby for them. I am glad they got Mary Katharine ?
I was very honored, and I felt for a while like I failed them as a friend. I know now it all happened the way it did so they could have Mary Katherine. They are the happiest family I know.
Devastating news. My heart is breaking for them. Glad he said they would try again. Little Milla.
You know,it serves no one to focus, or acknowledge the ones that bring us down. (The Kentucky county clerk for example). In the meantime, the precarious miracle of birth has it’s ups and downs. It is the main reason that your mother told you to never say anything until AFTER 3 months. I am sorry for them, but I feel as well for the surrogate. I can’t imagine going through the physical reality of this, as I have, through the grace of God given birth to many, many healthy babies. This is where I go Old School-keep it private until you are holding the bundle of God in your arms. Bless them.
That is so sad. Fredrik seems like such a loving person. I really hope they are successful when they try again.
So sad, my heart breaks for them.
Even though Frederik is in the public eye and may of felt that he had to address the miscarriage, I’m glad he did, I think it is very brave. I experienced a loss earlier this year and I was told by my doctor that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. My sadness turned into anger when I realized the stigma attached to the subject. I decided to share my feelings about it on FB and had so many women reach out and share their experiences with me. To know I was not alone was a very powerful and healing experience.
Anyway, all this to say, thank you Frederik for sharing your loss with us. And thank you TT for sharing this story!
My heart goes out to Frederik and Derek as well as the surrogate. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Frederik to continue receiving well wishes and presents for the baby while keeping up the facade of an excited and happy, expectant father. He had to break the news for his own well being as well as Derek’s. Praying for everyone.
I hope this does not stop them from trying they will be wonderful parents to a very lucky child!
Sad face.
So upset about this. It’s so lovely to see people be so excited about the arrival of a child, and for gay couples especially because marriage, having a family, etc. has only recently been made accessible to them. Heartbreaking for all involved…
I hope they keep trying also. They both seem to be very nice young men who are devoted to one another. If they do try again, and are successful, that will one loved and lucky baby. Maybe they can use the same mother after a year or two, since they picked her so carefully. I wish them all the best no matter what they do.
That is such sad news, sending prayers to them both, as well as to the surrogate.
Oh gosh that’s terrible!! That’s so heartbreaking!
Devastating news. Frederick is so open and candid. I love how he thinks of others in his own deep personal moments saying his family is no different. My heart breaks for them. I know they are heartbroken and pray they to take time to heal before trying again. Interestingly I saw a clip yesterday from Tyra’s new show where she said she has had failed IVF and Christy thiegen, her cohost, shared she and jon legend have tried for years to conceive. I hope all their dreams come true one day.