Dear God it never ends on a Monday night. It’s time for Ladies of London. The only thing that makes it all worthwhile is Juliet Angus will probably jump up and down at me on Twitter again for pointing out she is the poster child for the “ugly American.” Clearly, marrying someone with money doesn’t make you anymore civilized.
Let’s get on with the show as I am exhausted already.
Carolin shows up at Marissa’s house an Marisss has some sort of…machine that is illegal in the US for increasing blood flow? WTF? It sounds like a tens unit. Don’t ask me how I know about those. Anyway, brilliantly shocks the shit out of Caroline.
Wait, THERE IS A FUCKING FLASHBACK OF TWO SECONDS OF THE DUELING THANKSGIVINGS? SERIOULSY? All I wanted to see tonight was Marissa’s fucking Thanksgiving. What is wrong with this idiotic British production team? HOW DO YOU SKIP OVER THE DUELING FUCKING THANKSGIVINGS. I just want to stop watching now.
Great now we have Marissa’s Christmas sing-a-long charity thing. I doubt we will see that either. Let’s just have endless hours of women bitching instead. Sadly, Marissa cannot figure out how to electrocute Caroline.
Oh what the bloody fuck is this shit? We’re suddenly dropped into a fucking “art show” that consists of a whole room of electrical wires. Seriously? NOE.
Anabelle starts her name dropping as if anyone of sound mind could be impressed with this shit. The things rich people think is art never ceased to amaze me. Was that Marissa who wisely bailed for another engagement? Why is Julie sucking up to Annabelle?
The Two Carolines
The two Carlines go shopping for a Christmas party. There seems to be an underlying current of rivalry there. Caroline Fleming has a title. I think. Caroline Stanbury seems jealous. Caroline Fleming may be even more full of herself than Caroline Stanbury if that is possible.
Julie who has a British title is very excited to be invited to Caroline Fleming’s Christmas party. Julie is miles above the Carolines in my book. Maybe it is because her title includes the word ‘sandwich” and I love sandwiches. And single people really don’t bother to buy bread because most of the loaf gets tossed. I like sandwiches. And Julie.
Oh lord, again with the Alexander McQueen.
Dear God, Caroline Fleming’s house is to die for. Well except for the skull painting, which I’m sure cost more than I make in ten years but is still quite ungodly. Anyway, it is a Scandinavian Christmas party as Fleming’s house and she seems to be a fantastic hostess. I love Flemings’ dress. But as a fat chick, I could wear it and she should have picked one that shows off her awesome figure. It seems Marissa is not coming which makes me care even less about this party. I love Julie’s dress, but there was something going on with her nipples. Black strapless maybe? Stanbury probably winds the best dress award. Fleming has Cheetos for the Americans. Really? Fleming has no “help”? She really is the Danish Martha Stewart.
After all of Fleming’s hard work, Juliet is suddenly able to eat goose at Fleming’s house even though she refused to eat meat all last season. That is how much she want the Barefoot Baroness to like her. Yet somehow she thinks Marissa who had other plans is the social climber? I kind of love Fleming. She has announced that everything that flies you can eat with your fingers. Juliet still doesn’t know which way the tines go in your mouth when eating. Juliet discovers that Marissa is not inviting her to her Christmas carol shindig. Juliet can’t figure out why. Because, dumb.
Gay or European? A gay guy brought a guy named Duncan who everyone assumed was on a date (NTTAWWT) and Duncan seems to be quite into the barefoot Baroness. This causes much chatter at the table as he helps Fleming clean up. OH THE SCANDAL! Stanbury doesn’t eat fruit and Fleming tries to force her. Fleming throws everyone out of the dinner party because she is ready for her private time even though they are still eating dessert. I sort of get that, but I would never actually do it.
I adore all things Christmas. So I love this. But I am still pissed I didn’t get to see Thanksgiving at Bumpkin.
Finally Marissa. I want to fire the stylist that let her do her talking heads with that flat ass hair. Maybe it is my southern, BIG HAIR IS THE BEST HAIR roots, but she looks so much better in the actual scenes. I haven’t been to London since I was ten so I don’t know if the Royal Albert Hall is a big deal or what. I am just loving the carols played as we find the new location for these ladies to get ratchet. Dear God. The Royal Albert Hall is amazeballs I have been skipping London on my international travels because frankly, as a child I was pissed that there was no circus at Piccadilly Circus and I’ve never recovered from that childhood trauma. And while I quite enjoyed the Beefeaters and the castles and stuff, it just seems mean for a kid to expect a circus and get… I don’t even know what. Another round about? My memory is foggy but there is nothing exciting for a child at “Piccadilly Circus ” and this is yet another reason why I am in therapy. Or was before Obama made me spend $500 a month for REALLY, REALLY shitty health insurance.
Annabelle really is a classist cuntbag. I was TRYING to like her.
I am so over this recap, SIDENOTE: I’m going to recap WWHL tomorrow. I just can’t.
The excluded Juliet is out with her husband and feeling left out. One of her kids calls and he immediately lets them sleep in their bed and says he will sleep in the kid’s room. Hmmmm maybe the part of last week’s recap where I said her husband never being home would be a marital problem hit home. I want all couples to be happy, but it seems that perhaps Juliet will be the Shannon of this franchise.
Marissa’s holiday event is HUGE! Did that one dude just mention Cheesecake Factory? Do they have those in London? That makes me sad. I get British food is not the most favored of all cuisines, but Cheesecake Factory? I hate when American chains are in other countries. I used to pee in a McDonald’s in Romania a lot and that was the most I wanted to do there.
I don’t care to recap this Marissa, Juliet argument. Marissa wins. End of story.
Last week, Stanbury was telling us her business was doing great. This week they show problems. This is December and in February things go completely belly up. While Caroline goes on a ski trip, her employees don’t even know if they have jobs.
Marissa an Juliet meet. Marissa is nice but Juliet refuses to kiss or hug her. Juliet wants a truce for the new year. Juliet is a lying liar who lies. Juliet is the worst friend ever. It seems that Juliet is taking out her marital problems on Marissa. Marissa is trying to set boundaries. Juliet has on a gorgeous sweater. But the two basically break up.
Next Week: Marissa wants to open her own restaurant. We skip yet another month to New Years Eve. Juliet’s plight becomes worse. Perhaps she should have been nice to Marissa?