Hey guys! Lady Cocotte is tied up tonight so I’ll be doing Wednesday and Thursday Big Brother recaps this week! She will be back chained to the radiator soon! I’m in a particularly good mood for a change today because Jason Roy gave me a really nice shout out on Twitter today saying he has been reading here for years. I’ve seriously been fangirling out all day. I never stop being shocked at who reads here. Fortunately, my chopper friends at Sucks had just the right chop for this momentous occasion in my sad little life! Also, I’m a lot closer to having working ads. It shouldn’t be long now.
Tonight, Austin and Liz are on the block together and the twins are having a mental meltdown. Liz is crying because her boyfriend is going home. Both Austin and Liz think the other is the target. In contrast, Steve is peeing himself with glee in the DR. This Liz drama went on for hours if not days on the feeds and then started all over again after the veto comp. Steve’s latest thing in the house to talk about how “sneaky” he is. I’ve defended him all season, but he’s starting to annoy even me with that shit. For the love of Gawd, Steve, grow up!
Julia thinks that Steve will put up Vanessa if one of the people on the block wins veto. Oh, Julia, bless your heart. Austin talks about throwing the veto to Julia so she can take down Liz. Then the two twin votes would keep him safe. That is Steve’s biggest nightmare.
The twins basically plot Steve’s death. They are two vindictive little bitches.
The Veto Competition
The comp is “Bowlerina” which according to Steve is the same competition that split up Amanda and McRae. I have fortunately drunken away all memory of that season, so it’s a brand new one for me. But if you misses the summer of the Big BIGOT House you can read up on that here. My recapper that season refused to recap Big Brother ever again. It was that bad. Everyone is in a tutu even Austin. He of course loves it. Jesse, AKA Mr. Pectacular comes out in a big pink ballerina outfit himself. I think Austin just blew a nut in his leotard. He is obsessed with Jesse. Julia is straight up in love with him and wants to date him after the show. Steve seems to want to date him as well. Austin’s hard on is lost because the twins are going ga ga over Jesse as he strikes poses for their viewing please. I can think of no one better for Jesse than one of the twins.
In Bowlerina, you have to hang from handle bars and twirl 15 time to unlock your gate blocking your pins. Then you have 15 seconds to knock down all four pins. It’s played two at a time. Liz goes first and chooses to bowl against Steve. The spinning gets them both dizzy but Liz is at least able to get a pin down. Steve hysterically veers so far to the left that he falls off the game platform. This is pretty hilarious to watch. If you have it on your DVR this show is worth hitting the play button for. Liz just barely wins.
Up next is Julia, she chooses. AUSTIN! Why? Because Vanessa told her to. Why? Because they will do anything Vanessa tells them to do even it means knocking out another member of her own alliance! Julia is a moron. Now Austin is freaking out suddenly thinking he is the target. You are not going to win any sort of balance comp against Austin you idiot and he is not going to throw it to you this early in the game. Later, the twins will be furious with Austin and seek their comfort from Vanessa, the evil genius. Because, stupid-UH! Vanessa wants to be sure that Julia doesn’t win so Vanessa is not at risk of going up. Austin wins. But just barely.
JMac goes next and chooses Liz. John creams Liz. Vanessa goes up and chooses Austin. Another betrayal. Instead of drunkenly running, Austin crawls to the alley and knocks over four pins right away. Vanessa never knocked down a single pin. The final round is Jmac versus Austin. Austin tells JMac he is good with him if he wins next week. He’s hoping JMac will throw it to him. Jmac is fine with throwing it. Austin wins the veto.
Austin goes on a rampage at everyone saying Judas is here and he is coming after all of them. He is pissed. Vanessa goes on damage control about telling Julia to pick Austin. And Liz begins what will become 24 hours of her rejecting her pony tail beard lover for daring to win the veto.
Oh and Jesse rips apart his pink leotard in what I guess is the most masculine way a man can rip off a pink leotard that he is wearing in public.
Liz and Julia have a fight because Liz points out how stupid it was for her to pick someone to go against her who was going to throw the comp to her at the end. Austin tells the girls that Vanessa played them to keep her own ass off the block. The crying begins. In the DR Julia says, “I’m not quite sure if Vanessa just played me. I have my sister mad at me right now and it sucks.” God these girls are dumb-BAH. Julia confronts Vanessa about fucking her over and Vanessa goes into crazy Strattera babbling mode and throws Austin under the bus saying that he would never have thrown it to her. Of course Vanessa can to simple math and know quite well that Julia winning would have kept all three of them in the game. But Vanessa spins their stupid little airheads round and round by reminding them that she is a game theory expert. She does pretty well with game theory, FOR HER GAME. Vanessa swears on Mel’s life, her life, and her mother’s life she was not playing them. Lovely. Then her grand finale was the fake ass crying and the declarations about what a great and honest person she is. She is NOT an evil person. And they hug the bitch. Steve tries to go to the bathroom and al three of them yell at him to go away. Vanessa continues to drill into Julia’s head that Austin is a liar and she has never trusted him. Vanessa is the devil.
Austin and Liz get into a fight, just like Vanessa wanted. This is amazing to watch. Vanessa may be a cunt satchel but she is going to win $500K. Liz now hates Austin because he is not as stupid as Clay and is not going to use the veto on her.
Meanwhile, Steve and JMac are happy as clams in the HOH room staying out of everything. Steve models his HOH robe flamboyantly for a disinterested JMac. WOW! Steve says in the diary room he does NOT want to be sitting with Vanessa in the final two. He is not as bamboozled by her as he lets her believe. JMac says that this comp also probably destroyed any chance of an Austin and Vanessa final two.
Austin pulls Vanessa into the parlor room and asks her what the hell she is saying to the girls. Vanessa says she was listening to them and defending Austin even though she thinks he is a piece of shit right now. Vanessa says that him throwing to Julia would have sent her ass home. Which is true. She would have gone up and out. BUT THAT NEVER SEEMS TO FUCKING HAPPEN!
Liz stops speaking to Austin and takes to her bed for 10-15 hours. But not before they have a huge fight. Austin says he ruined his life for her! He loves her! Liz says their relationship is not going to end well. Um, duh. In her DR Liz says that Austin is not of any use to her anymore. Both twins are pissed he is wearing the veto. Feeders always do that so we can see who won the veto when the livefeeds come back.
The next morning, Liz gets up early and goes to climb in bed with Austin. They both apologize. They have several hours of makeout makeup time that ends with the usual finger-banging and hand job. True love does still exist! Austin wears a shirt for the veto meeting! His double ponytail bands match his rust colored corduroys. Steve can barely get the words out to put Julia up on the block once Austin takes himself down. But most of that was acting.
We end with a montage of twins crying that makes me feel kinda happy. This was the best episode of the season as far as the TV shows go.