We begin Below Deck with Rocky crying on the phone to her Daddy. Her boss is so negative and she can’t handle it. I’m not saying that Kate isn’t a bitch, because she is. But this one here, dancing on the mast with the radar waves ain’t really all there. Not to mention she wants to be Leon’s sous chef instead of a stew, the job she was hire to do. It’s not like she has 10 months to work with a shithead, like most teachers. She’s on a fucking luxury yacht in the Bahamas. Scrub the toilets, smile at the bitch and collect your check! Rocky says she doesn’t cry. But she does. She seems like she is really, really good at crying. Amy, bless her heart, is going to help Rocky survive.
Lee calls the meeting about the next charter primary, it’s Dean Slover the target of #PenisGate2014! And Kate’s favorite primary from last season. Well, she thought he was her charter soul mate until he kept pointing out what a glum bitch she is. They have a love/hate relationship. I think he is very regimented in his schedule. Dinner not being EXACTLY on time I believe was a problem. Kate is really excited to have him back. She’s planning a toga party. I think this is his third visit.
Rocky brought a “mermaid tail” aka monofin. She plans to play a mermaid for the charter guests. Kate has a Ladies of London issue with her hair in talking heads.
While Emile and Rocky scrub the waterline, Don tells Eddie his new plans for solving an issue with mooring the boat. Eddie says to take it up with Captain Lee only to find out he has already gone over Eddie’s head on the issue. Bade idea. Emile continues to be enticed into misbehavior by Rocky. Rocky totally fucked up the laundry. The crew’s uniforms are all fucked. Rocky didn’t do the ironing. Everyone has the wrong sized uniforms. Meanwhile, Kate spends her time making a brown penis blanket with coconuts for well, nuts. I just wasted too much time looking for a photo of this for y’all. Didn’t find it.
Kate can’t wait to show off her “palm tree” blanket design. He loves it but it didn’t get a very huge reaction. And we’re heading out of port. Immediately, Don tries to throw the fenders over the side and just “keep them high” rather than storing them. Don has a better way to do everything. Emile and Connie explain that is not their SOP and he says to just do it his way and he will take the blame for it. Dan tells Emile he is just not right for the job. Later, Eddie tells Don to follow the orders of the 1st Officer (aka the qualified person running the deck while the hired actors fake it).
Leon and Kate go at it because Leon wants the guests to catch some fish for dinner. Kate tells Leon to tell the guests he wants them to catch their dinner. He does and it doesn’t go over well. The guests want conch cerviche…and Leon has no idea how to do that.
Rocky whines because the guests want to swim and she has not been allowed to. Kate radios her to remind her to turn the iron off. I hate that I am starting to be on Kate’s side with regard to Rocky. Captain Lee sends the deckhands to dive for lobster and conch. Connie is an expert at that. Leon has no idea how to pull the conch out of the shell.
Once again, the guests LOVE Leon’s food. But did he make it? I never saw him get a conch open. Kate keeps stressing that it’s the fish they caught. Which means he didn’t make it. This is SOOOOOOOOFA KING scripted. Now the primary wants an explanation on how he made the cerviche. I hate this scripted crap. Leon goes out and lies to the guests.
Don got hit by a drunk driver while he was on a motorcycle. He tells this to Rocky as she sets up the next fake scene where she will jump overboard. I can’t with this shit. Meanwhile, Connie complains to Kate about Don’s entitlement issues. Don’s job is half engineer and half deckhand. Kate says he is a great engineer.
Dean requests a black tie dinner. This thrills Kate. All of the men show up in black tie from the waist up, an boxer briefs from the waist down. They seem …um…. overly confident. As men tend to be about their packages.
Leon is great at plating. But apparently he is not cooking anything. Now the guest wants to know what the green puree is and Leon won’t tell them how to make it. Kate makes up the recipe for the guests. Clearly, Leon is making none of this. Did I mention that? Because that is the storyline they are selling. Apparently Leon will turn out to be a mechanic from Des Moines or something with a really good con. Seriously? Do people buy this kind of shit who casually watch this show? Yes. Yes, they probably do. I’m forever disappointed to find out that reality shows are not real. YES I KNOW! I have been watching them since MTV’s Real World season one. That was real God Dammit!
Eddie tries to calm down Don and make him not be such a dick. He switches the subject to Rocky.
Kate questions Leon about how he got started in the food world and he spins tall tales about the QEII. Really?/heavysigh
Connie has two fake teeth that come out.
Rocky sucks at her job. Kate sends her to bed because she just makes things worse. The whole “all the guys are hot for Rocky” storyline is crap too. Rocky gets permission to go for a swim while the guests are off the boat. She performs a little watershow for the boys and Don jumps right in after her. Storyline. Staged. Yawn. Captain Lee is fake pissed. Don didn’t get permission.
The guests amazingly have caught six lobster. This is the set up to discover that Leon doesn’t know how to cook lobster. Meanwhile, Captain Lee wants to discipline Don some more. I really, really just wish I could watch this show like a “normal” but I know far too much about how all this goes down. Don somehow knows he is in trouble and asks advice from Kate. She gives good advice. Don argues with Captain Lee. Don says his boss is Richard. Eddie points out that Captain Lee is Richard’s boss. Don is a moron. That is his storyline. Cocky disruptive moron.
Don quits in the middle of a charter.
Next week: The charter continues. Why? Because they had a helluva time finding new media whores to pay out the ass for a charter disrupted by camera and requiring them to recite lines.