Sorry, I wasn’t home on Thursday night and I am quite behind on catching up. I pledge never to leave my house again. Truly. I really doubt I missed anything but I am compelled to watch it anyway. Let’s see what happened.
We begin with Bethenny ordering a Skinny Girl margarita at a bar. Is that even a possible thing? I mean do they sell that in the bars now? She’s meeting with Dorinda and they are both sick. Alcohol will kill it all. I can see Bethenny and Dorinda getting along. They give the bartender a pep talk about her financial situation getting better. I realize they are rich, but bartenders walk a way with plenty o cash at the end of the night. I’m just saying. There are plenty of cubicle dwellers who are slaving away for less. Dorinda talks about what a great waitress she was. I on the other hand was fired from every waitressing job I ever had. I made great tips, my tables loved me, but I really sucked. It was all very complicated and I kept chatting people up and getting behind. 🙂 I really tried, but I could never remember who needed a spoon and who asked for extra lemons and all that shit. I’m a terrible employee which is why I need to figure out to code my advertising tags. I’m losing money every day I don’t figure it out.
Next, the whole crew goes to a bar and there are no prospects for Luann to get laid so she wants to leave. It’s a juxtaposition of how to behave in a bar and how not to.
Next, we move to Dorinda’s weird Jewish sushi chef. Luann and Ramona’s odd toasts for John’s Dorinda. We’re actually back at the reunion again. WHY? Squabbles occurred where Dorinda seems to be lying about hanging out with the Countess all the time before the show.
Next up, a scene where the girls debate lighting a fire. It’s a log fireplace I could do this easily. However, I have a friend with a cabin in the woods and it is one of those like black stove sort of deals. There are instructions, about closing the door but not closing the door and this is why probably won’t go up when it is cold. Because complicated. I’m assuming it is either perimenopause or lots of dead brain cells from drinking, but I honestly am just overwhelmed by the simplest tasks lately. So I guess I can’t judge. Oh wait, yes I can. After lecturing everyone on how to pronounce ‘flue’ Bethenny wants to call a non-existent door man to tell her if the flue is open. Um, can she not look up the chimney?
OMG! Andy says, “At Dorinda’s apartment, the motto is, ‘Come for tea, Stay for the pathos!”” Sound familiar? I have proper tea cups all over my house. Never use them. This post is about me a lot because frankly, I am more interesting than this show. Only Dorinda drinks the tea. Dorinda got an email from her dead husband from 2007. OMG. #allergies
It seems like the found the ugliest view of NYC buildings after that. What was that?
Ramona and Sonja talk about how they didn’t support each other as much during Ramona’s divorce stuff. They hug it out.
Ramona, Luann and Kristen go to a dream analyst. I am all ready to write her off but then she describes things the same way I feel about dreams. At night I feel like all of the things of the day, the things we noticed and the things we didn’t are downloaded into our brain and categorized. I think our dreams are all a mixture of those things sort of flying past each other as our brain works it out and figures out where to store all of our fears and thoughts and feelings get jumbled up into dreams. Luann says in her dreams she is a tooth. At this point the dream lady loses me. I say Luann just needs to go to the dentist. Sonja comes in talking about breaking her tooth again. Luann was there last night when Sonja lost her tooth. My theory is confirmed. Ramona arrives. She has a tooth dream too where her teeth all fall out.
More about Ramona and her need to unpack. Please tell us she tips them big. More about how rude Ramona is to “the help.” Ramona says she always says please and thank you. Bethenny calls her out on it.
Carole meets with her editor because she is always pushing her book deadlines back. I get deadlines are hard. She really does need to go to writers colony. Carole looks really pretty in this scene. She says her relationship with Adam is slowing her down. I’m all for her relationship and enjoying her life.
Stuff about Kristen and Josh and how they didn’t so much of that this year. Kristen says that her relationship with Josh is not as contentious as Dorinda and John. There was a ten year wedding anniversary party that we did not see. Carole says her apartment is so much smaller than Kristen’s. For some reason, Carole brings her own wedding album to chat with Kristen. I need to fast through this. I can’t with this today. Wait. Carole says, you are naïve in the fact that you think you are going to win. Kristen tries on the dress and Carole tries to fondle her new boobs. It fits. Carole wants to try it on. That is SO WRONG. Who does this? This is not what girlfriends do. AT ALL.
I can’t help but wonder if this stuff was added last minute. Sonja got a non-surgical nose job. Kristen’s former bridesmaid shows up in red to what appears to be a black and white event. Carole’s gay hairdresser ratted out Sonja for trash talking her at a gay bar. Ramona is pissed there is no food there. Josh says that he “married up” for sure.
We end with a discussion about weeding the lady garden (among other things). Bethenny says that the bush administration is over. Not in the south Bethenny, I’ve been a bush supporter for a year or two now. I may revert back at some point, but I made it though the whole summer this year. #LettingMyselfGo
That was actually one of the better Secrets Revealed shows…