It’s time to head back to Orange County and pick up where we left off with Vicki and Meghan having it out over Meghan’s insistence in participating in Brooks treatment plan while all the while insinuating he doesn’t really have cancer because of some fakeass psychic scene on a TV show. I already have a headache. I am not sure how much screeching I can take tonight.
Lizzie and Shannon both step in to try to explain to Meghan that Vicki has asked her repeated to stop talking about Brooks because it is none of her business. She needs to stop talking. Heather half heartedly tries to stick up for the little cunt satchel by saying she just cares about Brooks. Vicki points out quickly that Meghan doesn’t know Brooks she met him twice. Meghan starts talking like a four year old and says she cares about everyone with cancer. You know, when she isn’t spreading gossip saying they don’t have cancer at all, or when she is screaming at the cancer patients caregiver saying she knows more about how to treat her man who his own doctors. Outside of off those sorts of things she just loves cancer patients.
I want to poke Meghan’s eyes out with rusty little knives while she tries to defend herself in her talking head saying that Vicki is deflecting and trying to make her look like the bad person. You are the bad person, Meghan. You are a vile little twat that won’t but out of grown folks business because you want camera time no matter how much of a shit person you look like doing it.
Heather goes on saying that people concerned because they wanted to do chemo on Brooks every day (OMG!!! that sounds like that alone would kill him) and he is not doing it. Tamra keeps whining over and over “that’s scary to meeeeee!” Because Brooks’ cancer treatment should be all about Tamra.
Vicki says that she is not going to discuss Brooks health with Meghan or some of the others anymore. End of discussion. But no, Meghan says, “Buuuuut whhhhhhhy???” Vicki says because she doesn’t think Meghan has good intentions and that she feels she is just being nosy. Meghan cries like a four year old. Heather and Heather’s friend rally around Meghan. Vicki excuses herself to go to the restroom, Shannon and Tamra follow her. Vicki says she is leaving and she never wants to see that girl again.
Vicki has a breakdown with Shannon and Tamra and Heather goes to see her. For the love of God, Vicki’s mother just died, her man is fighting for his life and people keep coming after her. I really think that Vicki and Brooks broke up because she can’t handle him dying.
After Vicki leaves, Tamra says that she is launching some Cut Fitness youtube thing with a sex tape and she is having a sex party to launch it. I think Tamra and Nicki Minaj must go to the same church. In case you missed the VMAs last night, Nicki Minaj sang a song about her lady garden while strumming her click like a banjo for a full five minutes on international TV. Then, oh ten minutes later when she won an award, she sweetly thanked her pastor, and then threatened to kick Miley Cyrus’ flat ass. I’m not sure what demonization the two are, but I think it could be the church that the Kardashians bought for themselves. Because that would make sense.
Shannnon goes to her crazy Dr. Moon, her energy specialist. She is down to only two visits a month. She gets some acupressure to help with anger and resentment. She also needs to do the angry eye exercise. Admit it. You did it at home when you watched.
Vicki goes to dinner with her son Michael. They briefly discuss Brooks and Michael says he really likes Brooks and Brianna is weird about him. Funny how it took Brooks getting very ill before production stopped ripping him to shreds with editing every season.
Tamra’s party looks like the public BDSM dungeons you see in pornos, not the kind you see in real life. Um, so I hear.
I’m not going to rehash the Shannon and David drama over and over. I wish Shannon would follow my lead. This is not healthy for anyone, even the people watching.
I find it hard to identify people in wigs sometimes. I’m serious. I need the whole look and preferable the actual setting in which I know someone to recognize them. It’s going to take me a minute to figure out who everyone is at this party.
I do know that Meghan and Jim are fighting in the car ride over. It gives me pleasure to see her treated like shit. She’s just awful.
Tamra tries to tell Meghan not to start with Vicki. We will see how long that lasts. Shannon looks amazing. Vicki arrives in a virginal white lace dress. Meghan is pissed that Vicki is going to get all the attention. I hate fake BDSM crap. Why are Tamra and Eddie both wearing collars? Oh wait. I guess Eddie is the sub/bottom in an err…. alternative universe. It could be amusing for us and frustrating for them to see them fight for the bottom role. Somehow Eddie is unattractive in the porno. The sex tape was ridiculous.
They have one of those sushi served on a naked girl buffets. The obvious grossness involved (I totally agree with Heather) aside, have we entered a time machine and returned to 1994? Jim is back in his heyday and wants to eat the flowers off the girl with his mouth. Side note, the flowers cover the tits and lady garden, the sushi itself in on banana leaves covering parts of the body that are easier to keep clean.
Tamra’s conversation is about her appointment to go see a “pasture” about getting baptized. Do they not ever use the word ‘pastor’ in Idiots Guide to the Bible? This is news to Eddie. The first time they have a conversation about Tamra new found religion is when she is half nekkid in a lace catsuit wearing a collar and leash and he is in a collar with the word ‘slave’ embossed in silver colored studs. I imagine this happens a lot, but this is my first time witnessing it on television. Tamra asks Eddie if he thinks she is some kind of weirdo. Eddie says he has never thought that. She does some fucked up shit but he doesn’t think she is weird. Probably because I don’t really think Eddie thinks about her much at all. I am wondering who put that collar on him and what he looks like…but I think about weird stuff. Vicki calls Tamra out on calling Alexis “Jesus Jugs.”
Just when things were getting interesting, things start to get weird. Heather’s stomach is bleeding onto her skirt. A lot. Um apparently Heather and Terry both have leeches duct taped to their abdomens to suck out blood. They later plan to squeeze the blood out of the leeches and give themselves vampire facials. Who knew Heather and Terry are the kinkiest people at the sex party? I’m not particularly surprised. Terry shows Vicki photos of the leeches that are apparently off of them now but left bloody holes in their place. Heather says that Tamara has a second outfit and she is of to borrow it. I am certain Tamra will never want it back.
For some reason, Meghan needs another top herself because of some sort of nip slip type wardrobe malfunction. So all the ladies go into the bathroom to get Heather into another dress and Meghan into another top. Oh and Terry walks in. But he’s a doctor. He sees naked women all day. So that’s fine, right? Terry is in there to tape his wife back up and fix his own leakage.
At the :40 mark, drunk Vicki counsels the sushi girl and tells her she deserves a better job as Tamra grabs sushi off of her and shoves it in her mouth.
Tamra and Vicki are doing their drunken hug thing after watching the very hot David dangle from a hoop. Meghan tries to butt in and Tamra tries to facilitate a group hug. Vicki says to Meghan that she is not very nice but she will hug her anyway and accept her apology. Meghan, being the dumb cunt that she is says she as nothing to apologize for and tries to start shit with Vicki. Jim is probably writing his phone number in the inner thigh of the sushi girl while all this is going on. Or perhaps he is in a room somewhere flogging Eddie.
I have to respect Vicki for not physically attacking Meghan. I would have gotten physical at this point. Especially with a few drinks in me. I’d have to go to jail over this bitch. She calls “Jimmy” over into women’s business. Straight up little girl move. He arrives and she says, “She just called me evil!” Seriously? Is this really happening? Jim tries to stick up for her. Jim keeps saying that this is none of his business. Why can’t he convey this to his twatwaffle of a wife. Jim tries to drag the bitch off. Jim says to Vicki that he thinks Meghan overstepped her boundaries but she was trying to help. That is the route for him to take. Now he just needs to walk away as the fucktardess has left the area. But no, when Shannon asks what he would do if someone said his ex doesn’t have cancer he said he would go get her files from the doctor and show them to the person. My God he is dumber than dirt. Meghan finally comes to drag her man away. Vicki says, “Jim talk to me in five years when you are divorced!” At that point Vicki loses me. Jim was doing the best he could after his horrid beard played the whole “defend your wife from this bitch” card. That is never acceptable. Your man cannot fight your battles with another female. The only option he has is to remove his wife to safety. It actually looks like she said that to Shannon after Jim was back at the other bar with his succubus.
Once Jim and the meddling gold digger are alone he tells her to never put him in that situation again. She tries to sidle up to him but it is not working. He shuts her down and says he doesn’t really give a fuck what they are talking about. She storms off. Perfect. She goes to whine to other women telling them she wants to leave.
Vicki approaches Jim and APOLOGIZES! Yay Vicki! She recognizes he was in a bad situation. He’s fine with Vicki. Meghan storms over and tells Jim they are leaving. He could not be happier to get out of there. He is on his photo texting someone as they speak. Meghan will be home alone.
Vicki tells Shannon that Jim told Brooks they had been married for four months and two of them were very challenging. In the car ride home Meghan is going in on her poor husband saying she said she feels sorry for you for having to deal with me for the rest of your life! He says, “hopefully.” BWAHAHAHHAHA Then Jim says he isn’t mad at her for anything. Jim says he saw Brooks at a game the other day and he likes him and if he doesn’t want treatment anymore it is none of their business. She still tries to argue that he must do it. He keeps saying if they don’t want help, so be it! Over and over. And Meghan is thinking… BUT IT’S MY STORYLINE! I KNOW A LOT ABOUT CANCER BECAUSE YOUR EX IS DYING! I GET TO PICK EVERYONE’S TREATMENT PLANT Jim, “They don’t want help! So be it!”
Vicki is plotting the takedown of the little shithead.
Jim says that Meghan taught him not to care what Twitter trolls say to him. REALLY? Grown men need this taught to them? And she need to take her own advice and let it roll of her back. Meghan says, ” She’s a con artist!” Jim is all like who cares and Meghan says it’s about justice. She is very down for some justice. Oh little mentally challenged girl, justice will be swift. Meanwhile, Jim is giving the Uber guy verbal directions to the OC version of Weho. There has to be one, right?
Next week: VIcki goes to Oklahoma, Shannon’s kids have an inappropriate dinner for their parents and Tamra let’s Eddie know he is supporting her son and his family.
P.S. I am not sure if all of my media is fully ready to go yet. So forgive the random gifs. I have to use what fits until this is all sorted out.