This is not something I usually recap, and I am still getting used to this new set up (it’s trying my last nerve) but since that one chick that used to be on RHOA is on it, I thought I should torture you guys with a recap. I was up all night last night and after catching up on some decent programming, tries to fall asleep watching the VMAs. It was a total shit show. Kanye West stood on stage while people (who I am assuming were paid to participate) applauded him wildly for whatever it is that he does while he stood there in a giant T-shirt and some scrunched up pants too horrid to describe accurately and the talked about himself for ten minutes or so. His soliloquy ended with him announcing that he will be running for POTUS in 2010. I am not making this up. There were ZERO fashions at this event, only costumes. Perhaps Melissa Rivers understood this when she invited Nene Leakes and Margaret Cho to discuss fashion. Because, really?
On to the show…
First up they talk about T’aylor Swift’s sequined athletic gear. Mararet cracks a lot of jokes. Nene hates it. She disagrees with Brad who said it was great and he loved the shoes. Nene hates the shoes. Giulanna says she has seen Nene in those shoes on her Instagram. Nene says she has all the shoes, Nene says she doesn’t want to see Taylor looking like she is about to walk on the treadmill. I agree with her there. Giulianna agrees with Brad and loves it.
I’d like to point out that Nene looks God awful. Her only defense is that so does everyone else on the couch. Melissa is wearing a dress made our of Joan’s old curtains. Brad has little balls or pom poms or something all over his suit. Margaret looks like she always does but better than most of her co-hosts. Giulanna’s outfit is probably nice standing up but sitting down we can’t quite tell how it would all unfold if she stood. Yet we have tuned in to hear what they think about what others are wearing.
Melissa has done something to her eyes to make them look all pulled up like Joan’s were and she is trying to tell the sorts of jokes that Joan did. They only need one person telling the jokes. If that is Melissa then Nene and Margaret need to be replaced with credible stylists in the fashion industry.
Amber Rose and Black China arrived together with outfits that were painted with slurs toward women (slut, bitch, whore, gold-digger, etc) that would have paired well with one of Nene’s finger-painted handbags. So of COURSE Nene thinks it is a great look. Oh now she is saying she just thinks they are brave for owning it she doesn’t love the look. Giulianna loves it. She thinks they are making a statement against labels. I think they are just self identifying. Margaret Cho brings up that Lil Kim and other black women like Black China are stealing her face. These people are ridiculous.
Gigi Hadid is up next. I hated her dress not because it was so revealing of her crotch but because her crotch area looked stuffed, like a sofa cushion. Oh Brad suit has little appliques of something on it. It might look better in person. Nene says that Gigi’s dress is a bit too short. She tries to bet Brad to rubber stamp her opinon as a stylist. He refuses. Go Brad! Nene says Gigi is trying to steal her hairdo.
Okay, you are not going to believe this. They discuss Rita Ora and Nene has the nerve to say, that she thinks Rita has “the wrong blond” and that she looks “bald, honey!” I cannot stop laughing. Again she asks for Brad to back her up and keeps repeating “I thought she was a baldy when she came out!” I just can’t. She asks Giuliana more than once if she looks bald to her. Giulianna says “No” because Rita looks gorgeous. Nene says, “Girl, she looks bald!” Giullana says “now that you’ve mentioned it a thousand times…”
I’m getting really bored with this and am quite a bit behind so I’m going to fast forward a bit.
Nene did a ridiculous commentary on Miley’s half nude glittery silver lederhosen ensemble. I am sure this will be a gif soon. It was embarrassing and Melissa was laughing at her the whole time. Nene is very loud and says that Miley “slays” in every outfit even the rainbow box. There is a lot of finger snapping and neck rolling going on with Nene tonight.
They play a game where Nene and Margaret have to guess if a housewife or a drag queen said it. #Shade Nene’s boobs look terrible. It looks like you can see her implants on top and it looks square. I’m serious. It’s all subtle shade at #Nene
The show Justin’s Beiber’s odd hair style. Is he wearing a weave? OMG! The Brother is on my TV. Fast Forward! Fast Forward! Nene’s favorite look was Miley in the silver lederhosen. Her worst was Taylor Swift. Nene screamed these choices like Johnny Mac in the diary room.
Time for RHOOC. You may thank me now for taking one for the team.