This week’s show was apparently ninety minutes in the first airing and an hour for the later ones. I apparently have a conflict at the original time and am watching one of the later editions. According to a wise guy, um wise man I know it seems like the first airing had thirty more minutes of Hallmark promotions. Really Hallmark? The regular hour was not enough for you?
If I were doing this challenge, I would totally ignore the cards (while still taking them of course) and choose based on the envelopes. It would seem that one would need a lot of paper with the same color. There seems to be a lot of yellow, pink and Tiffany blue available. I would try to narrow it down to one or two complimentary colors and if the cards had a cute embellishment, like bows or stones that would be icing on the cake. I have no idea why two idiots wanted those stupid purple sequined cards that said Fabulous! I would not want to work around any words.
I was sitting here trying to like Blake, even though he is and idiot and it is an effort. Then he insults the Indian guy and I felt a sense of relief that I could now just pray for his early demise. His talking heads make me hope that his demise involves physical pain of some sort.
Back in the workroom, some people have good ideas, but they are too ambitious to complete in one day. My homeboy Edmond is making a wedding dress. I guess that could be fabulous if he can make it within the time constraint.
Tim Gunn tells David that his look is “constipated” and he needs to make it work. David scraps the whole thing and starts over, presumably for with something more um… regular? After the break we get a tearful scene of David calling his husband along with the sad, sad story of how he was “put of the home” after coming out to his family. We also see some of his designs prior to the show that look pretty good. He is looking like either the winner or the guy going home. Oh, now that I see his jacket, he is likely going home unless he listens to the others and follows the rules and uses primarily the cards and not just painted muslin. But he is not. He just stuck some letters on the muslin hoodie.
Unlike you guys, I actually like Hanmiao and want to see more out of her before she goes. Blake is just painting muslin as well and will be in the bottom again. Edmond is just quietly working on his wedding dress.
Merline’s dress is described by a competitor as a dress with a “big ole manatee penis” in the front. That comment was an insult to manatee penises everywhere. FYI, a cursory image search for “manatee penis” for the sake of comparison returned no actual photos of a manatee penis but did include human penises with various animals tattooed on. Ironically, this sort of made me feel better about the men I have dated. I mean at least they didn’t tattoo their penises. That’s something positive I could say about them. Ashley says that Gabrielle’s color combination reminds her of vagina. I actually love Gabrielle’s vagina dress; however, she was the one I was thinking of first with regard to being overly ambitious with her design. There was way too much intricate cutting and gluing involved to be done in the required time. Later, the whole dress looks like paper Mache. Did she not use muslin? In the extended version, we get the manatee penis and vagina comments TWICE.
Sidenote: I just realized that this rerun is ninety minutes so I am getting the full Hallmark experience. Lovely. And I was beginning to think my life would never have joy again. Thank you Hallmark.
Swapnil: I like his top, and his skirt but I do not like them together. The top seems crooked. The skirt is really pretty.
Ashley: Thank God Ashley has immunity. Her fugly brown poncho is a stiff mess. It looks like something Hanmiao would design for a monk.
Joseph: I think I like his design more than he does. But I have a feeling the judges won’t like it as much as he does, which is not much at all. I thought the skirt, though giant and pink had a cool shape for a skinny bitch.
David: His hoodie will be bottom three for sure. The judges hate when you don’t follow the rules.
Jake: I haven’t paid much attention to this guy. Tim Gunn said is material looked like roofing. The final product was a little black dress with just enough glitter. I think it could be top three depending on what else walks out. But he is definitely safe.
Candace: Candace did a little silver dress with the foil linings of the envelopes. It’s really good. Top three for sure.
Hanmaio: Did an oversized boxy dress again, but I actually like this one. She should be safe.
Gabrielle: The infamous vagina dress came out terrible. WAY too short in the back, stiff as a board, and a candidate for bottom three for sure.
Laurie: Where did this cute little gold dress come from? It’s cute. Probably just safe, but top three is within reach.
Blake: His glitter dress is not horrible, but it did not follow the challenger rules. He should be bottom three again.
Lindsey: She did a brownish gold dress. It was a bit matronly. But a good execution of the challenge. Middle of the pack.
Kelly: Her fringe dress and crop top came out fantastic. Top three. (I am going to have a hard time choosing top three).
Amanda: Her ensemble was pretty bad. Her skirt seemed unfinished. The colors were outlandish and busy. But I don’t see it being in the bottom three. There are way worse things out there.
Merline: No one wants to see a manatee penis on the runway, Merline. Bottom three.
Edmond: Homebody did Atlanta proud and is the clear winner of this comp with his paper bridal gown.
My bottom three: David, Merline and Gabrielle (Unless they knock Blake to the bottom for not enough cardstock)
My top three: Edmond for the win with Kelly and Candace as runners-up
They let their safe people leave, but first Heidi bitches at Ashely for not following the rules. I think Candace is in the safe pile, which is just ridiculous.
Okay they only picked two for the bottom: Amanda is in the bottom, Zac says her skirt looks like a cleaning instrument. There were worse things if you ask me. But it’s bad enough to be in the bottom.
David has pissed them off for not using unconventional materials.
And four high scores (AND STILL NO CANDICE) : Holy shit! Blake is in the top. Nina says “It really looks like it is fabric!” BECAUSE IT IS FABRIC YOU MORON! I hate these stupid judges and their stupid opinions for stupid people.
They liked Kelly. As they should. Oh wait, Heidi and Nina don’t like it. Because it looks like something Katy Perry might where. So she isn’t allowed to design for the young pop star crowd? Was that in the stupid rules?
Edmond better fucking win.
They liked Swapnil’s ensemble way more than I did. But it’s nice. He is getting a lot of compliments from the judges. Edmond and I are very nervous. I did not see this coming.
When the judges take a closer look Tim Gunn assures them that the fabric in Blake’s dress is all from the cards. I don’t think that is what we saw happen A TALL. This is some bullshit. Plus they say that Kelly’s dress is a matter of style choice but this glitter shit is perfectly mainstream and not pop princess? WTF?
Thank God, Edmond won. I was worried about these fools for a bit.
David was Auf’d. Which proves that it really doesn’t always get better.