It seems odd to me that this season is 19 episodes long. Not 18, 20 or 22 but 19. But tonight is indeed the finale.
It’s the day after Sonja’s fashion show. Bethenny and Ramona are all over the NYC gossip sites for fighting on the front row of the fashion show during the long intermission. Ramona and Sonja go out again to celebrate.
Bethenny is moving in to her new apartment. She is going to be one of those people that makes people take their shoes off before walking in her home. The place is smaller than the last place but still huge and beautiful. It has a great balcony. Bethenny seems happy with it. Bethenny makes a series of jokes about Carole dating a child. It really isn’t funny. Carole points out that Luann is dating much younger men as well and is still shit talking Carole over the Adam situation. Bethenny says she doesn’t have the energy to be mad at Bethenny and in the same breath she says that she may unleash her fury at Ramona at her stupid “new beginnings” party.
Dorinda goes to lunch with John. She wears a leather ensemble that is backless. And um, sideless. Oh wait there is a lot of illusion mesh involved that is all wrinkly once she sits down. I doesn’t scream UES as much as “old lady trying too hard” to me, but what do I know? I’m still grieving the extinction of the scrunchie. I mean sure you can still find some, but ever since that damn Sex & The City episode, demand plummeted and so did the quality of the scrunchie. Shut up.
Dorinda does all of the ordering and John just goes along with it. I get the feeling that despite them saying that they have been together three years, that this relationship is more like Nene and the Pizza Guy. She got some shoes and a small interest in a pizza shop for a year or whatever and the relationship ended with the season. John got free publicity for his dry cleaners in exchange for being made a fool of for a season. Contract fulfilled. For this reason, I don’t believe anything I this scene, so no need to recap it.
It’s time for Ramona’s “new beginnings” party. I think the girls are kind of hard on her. Sure she may have had several new beginnings before, but for the love of God, she is divorcing a guy after a couple decades of marriage. It really is a new beginning for her this time.
Sonja shows up pissed at Kristen because she made a jab to the press about Sonja and her lack of toaster oven. Bethenny is being snotty about even going to the party. Ramona starts apologizing to Bethenny from the moment she arrives. Bethenny seems to think that Ramona’s “new beginnings” are about THEIR relationship because everything is about Bethenny in Bethenny’s world. The new beginnings are about Ramona being single after a very long marriage. Get over yourself, Bethenny. She’s just pissed there is no Skinny Girl infomercial at the final party.
Carole is at the party with Adam and Luann manages to scrounge up a date. Luann is pissed with Carole STILL for dating Adam even though they’ve been together for months and are still seeing each other last I heard. Oh, Luann’s date is gay. NTTAWWT.
Back to Bethenny being a bitch to Ramona at her own party. She’s practically screaming at her that “everyone is going through a lot” as if to belittle what she is going through. Bethenny is going through a divorce too but it seems to be a much more financial experience in comparison to Ramona’s loss of a partner of decades who was likely the financial stability in the relationship. Bethenny seems to be craving airtime. Ramona asks Bethenny to just lay off her for an hour. Bethenny’s response is “you reap what you sow.” Yes, Bethenny you do. You most certainly do.
Bethenny must be ready move around and drink, so she finally accepts Ramona’s apology. But Sonja jumps in to bitch about Kristen.
I’m not one to notice other chicks boobs. I had teacher friend once who got a boob job during a break and it was apparently a big one and I noticed while bored in a faculty meeting the following year. Somehow I managed to miss the gossip at the time. But, Luann’s boobs look fabulous at this party and unless she is wearing a t-back bra, there is nothing much holding them up. That’s kind of impressive for her age. Did she get a new lift?
Luann goes to up to the Heather, Carole, Kristen group to let them know that Sonja is pissed with Kristen for trash talking her fashion show. It’s like these women don’t know how the press can misconstrue things for a better story. Luann is a giant shit stirrer. She sends Kristen after Sonja. Sonja is fucked up. Meanwhile, somewhere, Mike Shouhed is shitfaced. They play the actual interview with Kristen and the NY Post reporter. He asks her specifically about the stupid toaster oven and she sweetly says she wishes she would come out with a toaster oven because she uses hers every day. Kristen really gets the shit end of the stick from these girls and most of the viewers. It’s really not fair. Even the :40 mark is a scene with Kristen’s HUSBAND mocking her on camera. What a dick.
Time for Luann and Carole to fight. Carole says that Luann is lying about Carole saying that she tried to stop Heather from storming her bedroom in Turks and Caicos. Luann says that there could have been a guy in her room. Carole refuses to admit that barging into Luann’s bedroom with a camera crew is wrong. Luann threw out a barb about Carole not having kids that seemed to stick.
Somehow, Heather and Bethenny are fighting. It seems to be their drunken default. Ditto Sonja and Kristen.
Ramona wants to give a toast. The Countess, who has a book on etiquette starts banging the fuck out of her glass with a ring. The potential for breaking the glass not withstanding, it’s tres gauche to bang on a wine glass with ANYTHING prior to a toast. They were clearly not drinking out of crystal because Ramona banged the living shit out of everyone’s glasses and nothing broke. At least not that we saw. Bethenny is a cunt to Ramona several more times. The end notes were not worth recapping other than to say that Ramona’s divorce is still not final and they made a jab about Sonja designing for her Nigerian football team. Oh wait! Bethenny and Carole went on a cruise to the Galapagos Islands together. That’s interesting. And kind of fancy pants. I’ve sort of wanted to do that before I found out how complicated it is to go there.