Big Brother Wednesday Night Recap: A Royal Overthrow

By The Lady Cocotte

Clay and Shelli have been nominated. Together. Both of them. Sorry if I’m dwelling but, come on, no two people deserve it more than Clelli. This brings the Cro-magnon out of Clay so he attempts to confront James. Luckily, mommy Shelli is close by to snap her fingers at Clay and bring him in line. She thinks their time is much better served lying in bed together, bemoaning their fate. Vanessa decides this is the perfect time to confront the doomed lovers about their anger at her over the nominations. As Shelli and Vanessa cry-talk about who should be held responsible for Jason’s eviction, Clay pipes up with, “Your decision last week has hurt our game because we’re on the block.” Vanessa just about loses her mind. “MY decision? Mine?” She storms outside to rant and rave to the rest of the house. Shelli saunters out with her smug smile and asks, “what are you all talking about?” Bitch.

And then it’s time to pick names for the veto competition. James gets Jackie, Shelli picks Becky and Clay pulls Vanessa. Vanessa stresses over what she would do if she won. Because, Vanessa. Clay and Shelli retreat to their bed for a little cry and cuddle.

Veto Competition

Welcome to the Game of Throws! The houseguests playing in the veto competition are decked out in medieval garb. The backyard has been turned into a castlescape with crowns, thrones and a catapult. As the non-playing houseguests settle in to watch, we hear Meg yell, “There’s wine! We’re going to get wasted!” Because, Meg. In front of the players is a map of the Kingdom of Big Brotherhood. Different “states” have different numbers on them. In each round, players catapult a dart onto the map and whoever gets the lowest number is out. Once out, losers select a crown and reveal a hidden prize. The pisser of the game is that as players are eliminated, they get to decide whether they want keep their prize or take someone else’s. Ultimately, you need to stay in the game in order to win a good prize (like the veto).

Vanessa is first to enter the catapult turret. We all wait while the turret spins her a full 360 degrees. She scores a 26. Clay follows her with a 19. Becky gets an 11. God, this is going to be a long challenge. Shelli gets 22 and Jackie gets a 1. The drunken audience moans at Jackie’s bad luck. James needs a 2 or higher and he gets a 29. Jackie is the first eliminated so she picks the 6th place crown and reveals her prize: the veto! Jackie is enjoying her veto while it lasts. In round two, Shelli doesn’t even make it on the map so she is eliminated. Her prize is “Knight in Shining Armor” which means she’ll be wearing the armor-tard all week long. Big Brother certainly loves their unitards! Unsurprisingly, she gives it to Jackie and takes the veto. In round three, Vanessa hits her dart into the ocean and is out. Vanessa’s prize is an “Ireland Castle Vacation.” She knows she would never be able to keep the veto so she sticks with the vacation. In round four, Clay gets the lowest number and is eliminated. His prize is “Knight of Shining Armor.” As Julia (or Liz, I don’t care enough to tell them apart) explains, he has to stay with the Knight (Jackie) and shine her armor for 24 hours. Clay can’t imagine being apart from Shelli for so long so he takes the Ireland trip and gives the shining job to Vanessa. Finally, we’re down to the last round. James scores a ten and he doesn’t look happy. Will Becky score higher and steal the veto? Nope. She hits ocean and scores a zero. Becky’s prize is $5,000 and she’s keeping it. James gets the first place crown and reveals his prize: the Castleguard. The Castleguard must complete swordsman training 2400 times in 24 hours or he won’t be able to play in the next veto competition. Basically, James has to choose between the veto, a trip to Ireland or $5,000. He chooses the veto and gives Shelli the Castleguard punishment. James is serious about this game!

Waah! Shelli and Clay didn’t win veto. They stand in front of the mirror and watch themselves being sad. Boo hoo. When Shelli gets called to the diary room, drunken Meg corners Clay in the bathroom and makes her move. She’s all over Clay, all hugs and whispers. And Clay is getting into it a little more than Shelli would like. Clay asks Meg to vote him out but she won’t promise. Instead, she sticks her boobs in his face and hugs him some more. “I can’t wait to get you drunk in New York city,” she slurs.

Jackie and Vanessa get called into the diary room for their punishments. Jackie’s armor-tard is a silver unitard and plastic armor. Vanessa is dressed like a squire with a hat with a feather. One round of Shelli’s swordsman training is to swipe a punching bag, stab a target and slice a bar. Every time she completes 100 rounds, Shelli has to run around the house ringing a bell. Round and round she goes while Clay cheers her on. Finally, she completes the 2400 and the crowd goes wild! Shelli doesn’t even look tired. I think she just loves the attention.

In a last-ditch effort to get James to use his veto, Shelli tells him about Austin’s alterego Judas. “You never know if you’re making a deal with Austin or Judas.” James just stares at her and asks, “Have you ever used any narcotics?” Clay just mumbles some more. Shelli goes on to blame all the extra votes on Austin. And then she caps it off with, “I’m so angry that an extremely innocent, wonderful, beautiful, deserving person in this game (Jason) got sent home to save this person (Austin).” That’s not quite how Shelli described Jason last week but… James tells them he’ll think it over.

Veto Meeting

James gives Clay and Shelli a chance to make a statement of why they deserve the veto. I don’t understand what Clay says (mumble, mumble) but I don’t really care either. Shelli whines that they don’t deserve to be on the block. James more or less tells them that they screwed him over last week so he’s not using the veto. And with that, Clay or Shelli is going home tomorrow and all is right in the kingdom.