I feel like it has been ten years since I watched this show. I had forgotten all about the wives trip to Tahiti! Tonight we are in for a skinny dip by Tamra, some voluntary swimming with the sharks, and some (well deserved) mean girl gossip about Meghan. Shall we?
As soon as they play the recap from last week, I realize why I had blocked that episode out. Meghan’s stupid bandana. I thought Heather liked her, why didn’t she tell her how ridiculous she looked? The girls are on a giant slow moving ferry and Vicki gets immediately seasick. Shannon still has SARS or whatever she caught on the plane. Things are off to a great start. But a few minutes later, everyone is up for champagne and a good lei. Another Tahitian greeting appears to be the flip flopping weiner dance. Tamra really enjoyed that.
The hotel is stuning. The bungalows are over the water with amazing views. Shannon is complaining about all the fattening treats laid out in her room. I am sure she will find a way to blame David for them being there.
Tamra immediately strips down to her scanty bottoms and runs right in front of the cameras for a topless swim. Her boobs are awful. They are like giant bolders glued to her chest. While Meghan and Tamra swim, Shannon give herself a lung treatment. Heather fishes the half nekkid ones out of the water to get ready for dinner.
The dinner is a set menu, Vicki sends the medium well meat back, Tamra complains about scallops, while sitting by the sea. For some reason we have to talk about Brooks cancer treatments. He is considering stopping chemo because the sessions are breaking him down and there has been no improvement. Lizzie thinks she might be pregnant, so Vicki bought an EPT for her. As friends do. Basically, Vicki just wants to know if she can drink. Lizzie is not pregnant.
Meghan talks about Jim’s youngest two kids that she rarely gets to see. Vicki points out that having kids for visitation once in a while is not parenting. Vicki and Tamra go hard this point. Meghan cries about the love she has for two other women’s biological children. She wants kids of her own. Meghan cries.
The girls go to get on a small glass bottom boat to look and fish, and stingrays and sharks. The first shark freaks them out. The water is as clear as tap water. Vicki screeches through the swimming with sharks and stingrays portion of the outing while Heather tries to actually enjoy the experience. Heather seemed right in her element swimming in a school of sharks.
On the way back to the hotel the ladies stop for pizza. Shannon was the pizza looked incredible, at a little cash only shack on the side of the road with a brick oven. I hope the producers had some cash. Shannon tries to avoid temptation by checking in on David who has apparently let the girls go to a sleepover while Shannon is away. Which would leave him completely solo for the night. I’m just saying. Apparently, the twins were out TPing houses at midnight and one of them may have fractured her foot jumping over the fence. This is why you can’t leave the husband in charge of the kids. It looks like Heather paid.
At the forty minute mark, Heather blew a local dude’s conch. He had arrived via canoe with room service (so cool!) and she just could not resist asking to leave some lipstick on his conch. Amusing. Heather seems to be having the best time.
Lizzie, Heather and Meghan go to dinner off the property. Vicki, Shannon and Tamra just want to Whoop it up at the hotel. We know this because Vicki says they are going to “whoop it up!” eleventy seven times in three minutes. Vicki is allowed a golf care which she uses to drive her gang to the bar. I mean all the way into the bar. Clearly she has already had half a bottle of grey goose. The employees are disturbed. Tamra immediately wants shots and to skinny dip in the pool. They order fireballs and get straight vodka instead. Because they don’t realize they are in a foreign country and the guy doesn’t speak fireball. Then they start talking about Meghan and her step mother crap. The topic moves to Heather and the fact she is friends with Jim’s second wife. Shannon finds it outrageous that Heather is hanging out with the third wife.
Heather, Lizzie and Meghan are enjoying their low key evening. Heather tries to tell Meghan that Tamra has to let her kids go stay with “the new step mother” and she is very sensitive to the topic.
Heather’s group goes to find Vicki’s group who is drunk off of their asses and have made it into the pool with all of their clothes on.
Next Week: More embarrassing moments in Tahiti.