Catfish Recap: Prophet & Trinity

Well Prophet and Trinity definitely seem like a marriage made by God himself. what could possibly go wrong here? Wait WHUT? it’s PROPHET From Nappy Roots? Oh this can’t be fake at all. /Heavy Sigh

Nev explains why every hotel they go to the have the same pictures. They can’t use the hotel room picture on the show? Are they serious? Copyright laws are that strict? Whatever. Nev’s story is one of the production guys paints the pictures and they take them to every hotel the go to. That is just weird.

Ryan is supposed to be the person writing in. Ryan is Prophet. Trinity is way to hot to be online having a relationship with a random Internet person.  Oh Ryan’s friends say the same thing I just did.  Ryan is new to the Internet. WHAT? How the fuck is that possible.  Let me answer that, it’s not. Prophet just wants to be on TV again. Multi-platinum recording artist or not, he is looking of for some attention. Oh wait, he has lost all his record deals because of some altercation with the po po in Kentucky. This is about public image. He’s pushing a police brutality angle during a time when that is front page news. This is all a bunch of fake shit. She is probably his girlfriend. Nev and Max are being catfished again.

The boys go back to investigate.  I am so over this I just want to fast forward to the fake ending . But I won’t Much. The chick’s name is Jasmine Sanders. She is one of Chris Brown’s exes. Well that is a lovely resume.  Wouldn’t Ryan know that this is some chick that Chris Brown dated? And she is famous? Yes. Yes of Course he would.  The catfish’s name is Crystal. She lives right around the block from Ryan. You don’t say.

Really do I have to finish this show? Is it possible it could get better? Ryan is lying, Jasmine is about to lie to us based on the spoiler picture above I found moments ago. This is all bullshit. Jasmine pretends like she has barely heard of Prophet. Because, Lying McLiarface. /HEAVY SIGH

They guys go to meet with Ryan at the Mohammed Ali Center. Because, homeless? Ryan pretends like Jasmine Sanders is someone he has never heard of. And repeats the face for Crystal.  Ryan does not have a future in acting.  Insert montage of fake texts here. *YAWN*

So during the commercial, I looked to see what his issue is with the Kentucky po po. This shit is from 2013! This asshole is totally setting this shit up for sympathy in the wake of pubic opinion about police brutality.  The fucker was drunk off his ass!  He got tasered repeatedly for resisting arrest.

Here is the TMZ piece from 2013:

Pulling a Reese Witherspoon is all the rage these days … the problem, when you’re R. Prophet and ask a cop, “Do you know who I am” … you’ve gotta enunciate clearly, because judging from the pics a misunderstanding can cause you a world of hurt.

Prophet was arrested Saturday for disorderly conduct and other stuff, and in the middle of the bust he screamed, “I’m R. Prophet!!!”   But cops thought he was proclaiming, “I’m a prophet” … which made him look like a nutcase, and things went downhill quickly.

Kentucky State Police say they had to tase the ex-Nappy Roots rapper multiple times for resisting arrest … and again for kicking out the back window of a police cruiser. The photos tell the story of the struggle.

But Prophet tells TMZ, it’s all BS … he was fully cooperative and cops repeatedly tased him for no reason as he laid helpless on the ground and handcuffed, adding, “I felt they were doing me like a slave.  I thought I was dead.”  He also says when he was thrown in the back of the cruiser he was pepper sprayed and tased again.

Prophet says it got so bad in the car he thought they were going to drive him somewhere and kill him.  In a panic, he says he gashed his head on the window.
The trooper who arrested Prophet tells TMZ, the rapper was highly intoxicated, walked directly into traffic and was a danger to himself and others.

He was apparently barefoot when he kicked the window out of the police car for fuck sake. I don’t believe a word of this show. Not one word.

Nev calls “Trinity” who claims she doesn’t really know anything about the show Catfish. HEAVY FUCKING SIGH. I feel like I am totally wasting my time with this nonsense, yet I’m already to invested with my time to quit. UGH. So Crystal, the girl who Ryan hired to play the catfish, who lives right around the block to meet, agrees to the meet up. Shocker! I have never been more disappointed in this shit show.

At the meetup site, Ryan can’t say ” I don’t know who is going to turn up” enough times. He is really, really super duper not sure who is coming, y’all. #EYEROLL

Seriously, Ryan?  You picked a very overweight white woman to be the catfish? Oh of course you did. How much did you pay her to humiliate herself on TV? I hope it was enough to keep her quiet. Not that it matters. If this guy thinks he is fixing his image.  OMG he has a GoFund me for his “police brutality” case. She got paid extra to mention that. I am now pissed at MTV. There are enough morons out there to believe this happy horseshit. Ryan pretends that he asked Crystal to turn her head to the left or right in photos and she did. Because remember Ryan has no idea how the Internet works. WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG.

The fat white girl is a slightly better actress than Ryan and that is not saying much of anything. You can tell the girl playing Crystal’s name is not even Crystal so MTV is totally in on all this and probably styled her in the floral top and wacked out hairdo.

Time for the requisite follow up meeting where Crystal has combed her hair and put on normal clothes. More lies. More compassion by Nev. Crystal wants to be on TV just as much as Prophet.

THIS IS THE SHOW WHERE CATFISH JUMPED THE SHARK.

I am hating Nev and Max more than the three lying liars who lied on this show Jasmine, Ryan and “Crystal”. Oh wait they got their stories mixed up. Ryan was supposed to be coming off an 8 year relationship, and Crystal said it was her who came off an 8 year relationship.  I wonder how much Crystal and Jasmine got paid.

In the phone calls,  R.Prophet says that he is getting ready to drop a new album, and Nene Leakes is turning down all these million dollar offers. Well, surely no one saw that coming. And Crystal is still talking to him and helping on the “non-profit” which is his all profit gofundme account. Clearly, if he needs a gofundme dude is flatass busted.

Crystal is planning a Disney vacation (on her share of the gofundme account?)  Crystal could not be happier.

Catfish SUCKS.