This recap may be a bit slow in getting done. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve kinda jumped on jumped on the crazy train again. But hey, I had a good bout of sanity there for awhile, and I have no doubt it will return in due time. Nobody panic it will all work itself out, it always does. But if this recap is weirder that usual, that is why.
Enough about my crazy, let’s watch these crazy New York bitches. I’m already a little more sympathetic toward Dorinda who seems to be on her own crazy train. I, of all people should be a little less judgey when it comes to the crazy ones. Heather continues throwing shade with hashtags. Do people really do that in real life? I mean people older than 13?
Ramona and Heather get into a fight over who gets to “comfort” Dorinda. Heather literally backs drunk Dorinda into the corner of the bathroom while screaming at Ramona to get the fuck out of the bathroom. Eventually, Heather and Dorinda hug it out. These New York bitches are to be commended on how quickly they make up with each other. It never sticks, but at least they try. Heather and Ramona continue to bicker. Heather and Carole decide to call it a night. The other ladies stay out.
The next morning, Heather, who sleeps naked, which she is fine with, but she is not as fine with some random dude sleeping naked in Bethenny’s bed. I mean really, who doesn’t like to see a naked man in the morning? Lighten up Heather. Heather and Carole interrogate Dorinda about a the mystery man. They get nowhere with that, so the go to wake up Sonja and Ramona, the two likely suspects who blame the man on Luann. Ramona is dead to the world, so Heather starts scream and opening the curtains yell at Ramona to get up. In her talking head, the apologizer apologizes for “punting it to Luann.”
Next the bitches go to wake up Luann. I swear if I was woken up after a long night of partying by these two banshees, someone would get hurt. Luann finally gets up and confronts Heather, “What’s the big deal. We brought some guys back here, we had a good time, what’s the big deal?” Heather was afraid of the naked man. Seriously? She must have been so much fun on spring break.
Sidenote: You know what is fun when you are in the middle of an anxiety attack? The weathermen are interrupting programming to tell us we are all going to die. While I realize I am probably not going to die, that would be too easy, the chances that I lose power and cable are strong. Of course the storm is hitting now, right where the show picks up after first look.
Luann gives Heather her, “don’t be uncool” speech. Luann and Ramona get together to talk about how uncool and stupid Heather and Carole are. Kristen has spoken to the house manage who said they tried to keep the men out but Luann and Ramona were insistent. She also said that Luann’s man was married. Oh here we go. And with that they pack up and head back to winter in NYC.
Heather and Bethenny meet for lunch? Breakfast? Carole tells Bethenny about the naked man. Bethenny says that Ramona should have just copped to the naked man. Then she recaps the “fuck you dinner.” Dorinda arrives late to explain her version of the “fuck you dinner.” Why are they talking with mouths full of food? Why don’t they close their mouths when they chew?
Wow, Heather has a Yummie shop in Bloomies. That is pretty impressive. Bethenny is pissed at Kristen for selling a story to the Daily Mail where she says negative things about Bethenny. Something about needing a hot glue gun and an ice pick?
Heather, Carol and Kristen meet at the gym. Carol fills in Kristen and Heather about her meetup with Bethenny and Dorinda. There are too many women on these shows. All they show is everyone rehashing things a million times. Heather asks Kristen about the interview with the Daily Mail. Here is the actual story. No mention of ice picks.
Everyone goes to some sort of charity event that involves bedazzling. I am not making this up. Luann is pissed with Heather and Carole for “breaking into her room” in Turks & Caicos. Everyone is a bit annoyed with Ramona still. Apparently, we are going to auction off the jeans for charity. It’s ridiculous. Bethenny is pissed at Kristen. She tells Kristen not to talk about her in the press. Kristen says it was taken the wrong way. Bethenny says if she wants to be her friend she needs to not talk about her in the press. Kristen responds with, “Who says I still want to be your friend at this point?” Ramona butts in to try to defend Bethenny. Because Ramona doesn’t know when to shut up. Kristen says she probably should not have given the quote. But that is not enough for Bethenny who pulls Kristen aside to bitch at her some more.
Bethenny offers to pay Dorinda to bedazzle her jeans. Ramona wants Dorinda to do hers as well. No one wants to bedazzle. Bethenny leaves early as usual. Luann confronts Heather about bursting into her room. These two still hate each other. WWHL will be good tonight with Heather and Carole who have been bashing Luann on Twitter all week. Heather doesn’t get why Luann is mad. What is not to get about storming into someone’s bedroom early in the morning on a vacation and scream at them to wake up and answer questions? This argument was boring and played out 45 minutes ago. And yet, it rages on. Ramona hides out and refuses to join in on the argument. Ramona finally does her apology tour. It’s Luann and Heather versus Carole and Heather.
Next week: We auction the bedazzled jeans. Bethenny goes to counseling. Carole and Dorinda go to London to pick up Carole’s dead husband’s ashes. Because? I have no idea.
P.S. Predictions of my imminent death were inaccurate. It’s raining. No 65 mile an hour winds, no tornados, just rain and some heat lightning When did the weather men become such drama queens? I don’t need any help panicking and freaking out.