Heather’s flat belly is awesome.
Ramona and Bethenny sit down to talk about Sonja’s drinking. Things devolve into a conversation about how lonely they all are and how scary the unknown is. Ramona breaks down over Mario. Bethenny who is not a hugger, is already hugging and crying. Ramona goes on and on about how Mario is a part of her and she wants to fix him so bad. The both cry and hug some more. I thought it odd that Bethenny said she related to the feeling of loss Ramona was having. She never seemed to attach to Jason.
Sonja and Dorinda have a loud discussion inside while the other girls are doing yoga. Sonja is reenacting Bethenny screaming at her. Sonja is totally disrupting yoga and the girls all get up from yoga to go hear what Sonja is screaming about. So much for yoga.
Ramona tells Sonja that Bethenny called her an alcoholic. Ramona just AGREED with Bethenny five minutes ago. Bethenny walks up the conversation escalates. Bethenny tells Sonja that she gets drunk and tries to screw everybody else’s man. Ramona defends Sonja to Bethenny and backpedals like crazy to avoid any involvement in the Sonja intervention. Luann shows up with breakfast for everyone to eat on the beach. Ramona takes hers into the house. Leaving Bethenny and Luann getting screamed at by Sonja. Luann takes Bethenny side and says that Sonja tends to “fall asleep” at the end of the night and need to be put to bed. Sonja doesn’t deny this, in fact she says, “so what” and continues screaming at everyone as Heather approaches. Oh Heather, this is an OG problem you need to stay on the porch and sip mimosas, I’m sure you can hear them from there.
Sonja storms toward the house and Heather runs after her and Heather yells at her to stop yelling. Sonja lays out by the pool next to Dorinda and screams at everyone else to get away from her. Sidenot: WTF? With Bethenny’s spine??? Is that normal? Heather is such a shit stirrer. She doesn’t have a dog in this fight. Luann is the only sane one who is enjoying her eggs a la Francoise.
Ramona goes to Sonja and completely denies saying she herself thinks Sonja has a drinking problem. The rest of ladies all say they are not going to talk about Sonja and her issues anymore. Anyone who does has to donate $100 to Dress for Success for each infraction. Heather is up to $300 within seconds. Luann is throwing money in the jar as well. This is the best charity fundraiser ever across all housewives franchises. As everything blows over, Bethenny says that Ramona started this whole blowup for by telling Sonja that Bethenny called her an alcoholic.
The girls all go out on the water on a boat, except for Sonja. The yacht is very nice but Sonja probably has the better deal. It took them 27 minutes to start talking about their vaginas. Wow, Sonja really did take over their thoughts. Luann attacks Ramona for starting the shitstorm this morning. So Ramona starts kissing ass so people will back off. I would KILL SMALL WOODLAND ANIMALS for some of that blackened shrimp salad.
While the ladies swim and lay around on the boat, Sonja is exercising in a macramé swimsuit cover and wedge heels. Kristen comes up with the idea of dumping a bucket of ice on Ramona. Heather and Carole dump the ice on Ramona. You know what you do not waste on a yacht floating around the Caribbean? ICE. And a cock joke the ladies are back on dry land and flirting with French guys. Heather and Bethenny get along and both get massages at the same time on the balcony of the villa. I do not understand TALKING during a massage.
It’s time for the ladies apply more makeup and costuming than the cast of La Cage aux Folles to prepare to hit the bar scene. Oh for the love of GAWD, because we have way too fucking many “wives” on this show, they had to take two cars. Heather’s car arrived first, the second car was shortly behind. Dorinda called out to Heather asking her to wait up, so they could all walk I together. Heather ignored her. Then for some reason Heather was pissed because Dorinda asked the others if she was being ignored. Dorinda and Heather have an argument about this and Dorinda is CRYING before they even get in the bar. Something is wrong with my sound. I don’t know if it is because I am watching the DVR or if it’s Bravo or Charter. Basically, Ramona is sentimental over Mario again. Ramona says she has had PTSD for a year.
Bethenny is making lunch for the girls and Ramonja tries to take the girls out to eat instead. Bethenny is pissed. So am I something is going on with my cable. I don’t think I have given it enough time to rest lately.
NEXT WEEK: Looks like more drinking an bitching…