By Lady Cocotte
This is it, chickadees. The Grand Finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race ! Half the fun of the finale shows is seeing who is in the audience. Tyra Sanchez (S2), looking classy and graceful and not at all like she wants to wring my neck (you’ll understand if you’ve read my story about her here). Sharon Needles (S4) and Detox (S5). Miley Cyrus. I saw her photos from the finale step and repeat but I assumed she was judging or something. Nope. Just another fan. Raja (S3) in boy drag, still rocking the silver fox look. Milk (S6) is sitting next to Tyra. Porkchop (S1)! Jinkx Monsoon (S5). Coco Montrese (S5). Manila Luzon (S3) is wearing Mammoth tusks. The dvr is mad at me so I have to stop pausing every time I see someone in the audience. You’ll have to find them for yourselves (although I think Big Freedia is sitting behind Miley Cyrus… let me know if you see her too).
All of the season 7 Queens get to walk the runway. Tempest Du Jour is dressed as the Madonna. It’s a step up from Mimi Imfurst’s Mary on season 3. I really wished we’d been able to see more of Tempest’s costumes. Jasmine Masters still looks like Porsha Williams. Kandy Ho’s dress is b-i-g. Jaidynn Diore Fierce is wearing a heat sensitive dress (you can see streaks when she runs her hand across her abdomen). Katya gets the loudest audience reaction. Now the top 3 girls get their turn. They all look great. Pearl makes her Pearl face. I love when a Queen gets in on the joke. And finally RuPaul comes out, singing one of her songs (the audience is so loud I can’t even tell which one). Michelle Visage, Carson Kressley and Ross Matthews cheer Mama Ru on. RuPaul estimates there are 60 past and present Queens at the finale. She gives her customary shout out to Pork Chop (if you’re going to be the first girl booted off of season 1, you deserve some extra love). RuPaul claims that she hasn’t made her mind up yet. The audience goes wild. Someone I was watching it with called her a big fat liar for that one. The 3 final Queens are all going to lip-sync to specially chosen songs to help Mama Ru decide the winner. I’m happy about that because when the top 4 performed together they didn’t have enough room to really give it.
Ginger Minj lip-syncs to a gospel-inspired song along with chorus robe clad dancers. “There ain’t no way to pray the gay away!” After her performance, RuPaul sits down with Ginger to talk. Darienne Lake (S6) asks a fan question: is it time for a big girl to win? Ginger thinks it’s time for a big girl to win but she doesn’t want to win because she’s big. Being the showman he is, RuPaul loves to make people cry. He shows videos of support from Ginger’s sister, John Waters and Ginger’s mom. Ginger held it together until they show a clip of her dad (who she talked about being alienated from). Are you happy RuPaul? She cried for your amusement.
Pearl performs to Sleepwalker, a strange song chosen for it’s name and price alone, I’m sure. You can tell she’s trying really hard to not do her “Pearl Smash” dance move. Her back-up dancers are dressed in unicorn onesies. It’s pretty boring but I’m not sure if that’s Pearl’s fault or the song’s. Carson Kressley makes a lame joke about Pearl “coming out of her shell.” RuPaul mentions the “curse of Pearl” where anyone who crossed her went home. They show a cute package of Queens dissing Pearl and Pearl as Big Anj in Snatch Game giving them the “slit your neck” look. Alaska Thunderfvck (S5) asks Pearl a fan question: is it just me or does everybody want to fuck you? Pearl genuinely cracks up and takes the compliment. Pearl gets to see footage of her grandma, her Chicago posse and her mom. To me Pearl will always be “C’mon chinstrap!”
Violet Chachki does a burlesque performance. “Too Many Daddies (And Not Enough Time).” She strips all the way down to nipple tassels. I’m waiting for her to twirl them but she doesn’t follow thru. RuPaul brings up “I hate Michelle Visage” but Michelle don’t care. She loves her some Violet anyway. Gia Gunn (S6) asks Violet a fan question: what would you tell a teen who wants to do drag but is scared of what their family will think? Violet tells them to start sneaking out to do it until they’re strong enough to share. Mimi Imfurst (S3) asks a second fan question: who did you vote for in the shadiest Queen category? Violet laughs and admits that she probably voted for herself. Mimi follows up with: “If you can’t hate yourself, how in the hell are you going to hate anyone else.” Violet gets to see clips from Drag Con fans, Miles Jai, Violet’s mom, Violet’s friends and Violet’s dad. Is Violet’s longer package a sign that she’s the winner?
Reunion time! RuPaul starts with Tempest Du Jour, Sasha Belle, Jasmine Masters and Mrs Kasha Davis. Kandy Ho apologizes to Tempest for calling her old. Tempest’s daughter started crying when her dad got eliminated. Sasha Belle didn’t win even though she “cracked the code” because every season is so different. Ummm, not sure about that one. Jasmine talks about how many years she’s been a fan of Kennedy Davenport and Kennedy jokingly shushes her. Jasmine talks about how Patti LaBelle inspired her to do drag so RuPaul runs a tape of Patti sending love to Jasmine. Very sweet. You can tell Jasmine is truly overwhelmed. And Ru brings up all the hate Jasmine got on social media. According to RuPaul’s mama, “unless those bitches is paying your bills, you pay them bitches no mind.” Amen. Mrs Kasha Davis thought the younger girls had a sense of entitlement. “I’ve only been doing this for 7 months and I’m going to win… and they might.” We finally get to see Mr Kasha Davis and his bow tie. Cute.
Up next is Kandy Ho, Max, Jaidynn Diore Fierce and Miss Fame. Kandy mentions that she’s thinking of leaving Puerto Rico, her home since she was 3. RuPaul asks where she was before PR. Her answer: Connecticut. Kandy only started doing her makeup a month before she auditioned since in PR all the Queens have their hair and makeup done for them. Kind of explains her shading issues in the beginning. Max looks gorgeous and young (even with the grey hair). She explains that she’s not a prude but all the other girls talked about was sex and she needed a break. “Just for a moment.” Max comes across as such a sweetheart. Now I remember why I was such a Max girl. Jaidynn didn’t realize that she was going to be sequestered. She thought she was going to be hanging with RuPaul, dining and shopping. Instead, she was sitting in her hotel room beating herself up and eating Doritos. “And that’s different from your normal life?” RuPaul asks. Cheeky! They show a clip of Jaidynn’s mom talking about how she accepts her and Jaidynn loses it. You know RuPaul loves to make a girl cry. Miss Fame asks RuPaul, “how’s your head?” She finally gets it! Miss Fame talks about how inspiring it is to walk thru addiction and survive. She has a surprise guest for RuPaul: a chicken. She’s holding it awkwardly and when Ru asks why, Miss Fame explains that she’s scared it will shit on her couture. RuPaul warns her to not cluck it up.
Finally, we sit down with Trixie Mattel, Katya and Kennedy Davenport. Trixie gets emotional thanking RuPaul and then turns around and does a funny impersonation of her. RuPaul tells her to sashay away for the third time. Katya is obviously the audience favorite. She tells RuPaul that she was terrified the whole time she was on the show. “RuPaul… I want to tackle you to the ground, I want to stuff your entire wig inside my mouth, and I want you to pee on me.” RuPaul is just calmly saying, “Ok” to each request. Because she’s Katya. If I had to pee on anyone I would want it to be Katya. You know, as long as she was into it. The voices in Katya’s head told her that RuPaul wanted to kill her. “I did want to kill you,” RuPaul informs her. All joking aside, RuPaul wonders if watching the show helped her see how awesome she is and Katya admits it gave her self-esteem. And then she laughs that Katya laugh. RuPaul tells Kennedy that when he started calling her “LaGuardia, Newark, Kennedy” she had no idea that she would actually fly off the main stage. RuPaul wants to know if she ever hurt herself “between me down there”. Kennedy explains that as a trained dancer she knows to properly stretch before attempting anything crazy. My favorite memory of Kennedy was seeing her stretch before a lip-sync and knowing that she was going in for the kill. Also, Kennedy’s birth mom’s name is Chicory, which makes me happy on so many levels.
Latrice Royale (S4) asks Trixie a fan question, “Did Max speak with that accent in college?” Max points out that it’s not an accent, it’s an elocution thing. “Elocution?” Latrice asks. “Is she from Inglewood? I know her!” “I went to high school with her,” RuPaul adds. Delta Work (S3) asks Kennedy a fan question: if there’s an Allstars 2, which season 7 girl deserves to compete. Kennedy chooses Katya. “You guys know something about Allstars 2 that I don’t?” Ru laughs. RuPaul announces BenDeLaCreme to give out Miss Congeniality. She shimmys onto the stage with Michelle Visage, wearing Ginger Minj and Sasha Belle’s Conjoined Queens outfit (you know, connected at the boobs). The winner is Katya, of course. I even voted for her and I don’t usually vote in those kinds of things. Katya definitely deserved it!
And it’s time to crown a Queen! Bianca Del Rio, last year’s winner, comes out covered in gold and silver. She talks about what a great year she’s had and encourages the new winner to respect the title. RuPaul gets right to the matter at hand. “The winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race is…” RuPaul coughs and calls out, “Katya!” Katya wanders onto the stage, utterly confused. The crowd goes wild. RuPaul turns to Katya and asks, “Katya… may I please have a sip of water?” Ru takes a drink while Katya stands there, agape. The crowd is laughing and Violet Chahcki is screaming her approval. Katya leaves and RuPaul actually crowns Violet Chachki. Bianca Del Rio hands Violet the scepter and her parents go wild in the audience. RuPaul asks if she has anything to say and Violet screams, “Come thru!” She walks the runway and RuPaul ends with: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else? Can I hear an Amen?” Amen.
That’s it. Season 7 is officially over. If you haven’t had enough, check out the story of my time at the Coronation party. (To be published later) I’ll explain why Violet Chachki wasn’t given a crown and many more fun facts. Thanks for reading! It’s been a lot of fun. Thanks, Tamara, for giving us Drag Hags a forum. See you in season 8…
A big thanks to Lady Cocotte for all her hard work this season! Please give her a big shout out! Her exclusive report from the Coronation party will be up as soon as I attend to some non drag race posts!