Alex Perry is a twat waffle. The show hasn’t even started but Banjo and I just did our 15 minute walk for the day and I was thinking that Micheal needs to replace him for the next reunion. We need to start some sort of petition in Australia. Also, now that I see Pettifleur’s lace legging standing up, I kind of like the concept. It matches the bodice and allows for a very hight slit. She should have found some shoes or dare I say dyed some to match? I know dyed to match is so 1980s bridesmaids but in this case I think it would have worked. Or a bright pop of color, but the black just looks clunking to me.
On part two of the reunion, we begin with Pettifleur’s meltdown. She stomped off the set because everyone unanimously said that she was drunk at a press event. Pettifleur says she doesn’t drink. Would we not have noticed if one housewife didn’t drink? Did she really not drink on the show? I have no idea. Lydia is the only one who tries to calm her down. Apparently there is not backstage because she is off set just to the left among come production boxes and a couple of random stuffed animals.
Jackie, who doesn’t even LIKE Gina gives an honest account of what went down on the press tour. Apparently at some point, Pettifleur said that Gina was not a true barrister. They lapse into their native Aussie tongue and I don’t understand half of what they are saying but the point is that everyone is backing Gina in this conflict even the ones that have railed on her all season. As Janet says, ” For us to all agree about something you know it’s the truth.” Pettifleur continues rail on calling them all liars. Gina says that Pettifleur was screaming like a gypsy (derogatory term) in the streets. Pettifleur says she did not come her to be attacked. Lydia informs the newbie that is what happens on a housewife reunion. The best part of this is when the twat waffle goes to beckon her back and the back of his bald head is the focus of the shot. He really should have shaved his head for the reunion and taken off the ridiculous sunglasses and rocked the clean-shaven look. And he is supposed to be fashion conscious?
Jackie screams at Pettifleur who is still off set with Lydia and the twat waffle that she does not lie and she does not appreciate that at all! Dina touches up her eyeliner and Jackie suggests that Pettifleur get the other fucking leg to her outfit. I kind of love everyone coming together for the common cause of running Pettifleur off. They continue to talk about how drunk she was. Pettifleur returns. Why do women not buy the proper size dresses? Pettifleurs bodice is WAY to small for her breasts and her breasts are normal sized. Pettifleur says she did not get here by lying and cheating and being dishonest. No one has said that. What a weird thing to start to defend. It makes me believe exactly that! Everyone calls Pettifleur a liar. The twat waffle tells everyone to shut up again. Now Pettifleur says she had two glasses of wine. Janet calls her a liar again. And I get to learn a new word pichka which is apparently Bosnian, Croation and Serbian for pussy. The more you know. #Rainbow
Let’s talk about racism! Pettifleur groans and says “don’t go there!” Pettifleur says in the montage several times that Gina is a racist. Pettifleur says growing up in Sri Lanka she was called a Dutch Burgher, which is a very tiny population of people of Dutch and and Sri Lankan descent. She on a victim crusade and I am bored with it. Gina says that saying that Pettifleur has an accent is not racist. Twat Waffle asks if she knows that it bothers Pettifleur, would Gina stop? Gina says she doesn’t know. Gina knows that it bothers her and that is precisely why she does it. People say things to be mean or irritating all the time, for fucksake. She doesn’t like Petttifleur and neither do I? There is no requirement to mask those feelings particularly on a reality show! Chyka tries to stick up for Pettifleur. Gina says she never much cared for Pettifleur.
Thankfully, we move on to Jackie. Don’t shoot me but I kind of believe Jackie has psychic abilities. DON’T JUDGE ME! Gamble says that some nice things about Jackie. They sort of agree to disagree.
I montage about sex talk happens. I’d rather actually be raunchy than discuss it with a bunch of women. But clearly, that is just me. Lot’s of cute talking head shots of Gina trying to make sure her tits are “on the equator and not north and south.” How did Bruce feel about her escapades with the strippers. She said Bruce was great about it.
Gamble’s husband Rick joins us. He may be my favorite real housewives husband. I can’t believe they met on eHarmony. I was deemed unmatchable on that site. And well you know in life in general and that was way before I got fat! I was not religious enough and too promiscuous for that site. 🙁 I think Rick is quite attractive. Rick says he doesn’t understand why Gamble takes things said for the show so seriously. Someone points out he has lost some weight. He says, “It’s the peas!” So clever. Gamble and Rick are getting married in September for season three.
Moving on to the Gamble sex pottys rumor! Janet tries to defend herself saying she just asked Gamble if she wanted to know the rumors and she said she did so she told her. Then Gamble accused her all season of making them up. But “somebody” could have stepped in and completely stopped the pain she went through all season. Twat Waffle (yes I know I am breaking my own rule and no that doesn’t mean you can) asks if it is someone in the group and she says yes. IT WAS LYDIA! Janet was really pissed that Lydia never stood up and admitted that she was the source. Lydia says this all happened while she was in Florence. Lydia says that Janet had it under control. Then a dispute happens with Gamble and Janet and Janet says there is a lot more shit about Gamble out there and she better be careful because she is treading on shaky ground. Janet calls Gamble menshugana (crazy in Yiddish) and says she is just going to leave it there.
And they bring out the housewife wannabe Manuela. to weigh in on the situation. Manuela wants to sit next to Aussie Andy and Lydia is not having it. She will not move down. GOOD FOR YOU LYDIA! So Gina moves to the end because she does not give a fuck. Manuela said the whole season was fun and great. Manuela needs to eat a sack of dicks. Manuela says that she just happened to hear the rumors and she didn’t even know Gamble. Aussie Andy asks what the issue is and Manuela says she has nothing against Gamble. Gamble says Manuela is a snotty condescending bitch to her. She says Manuela is always looking down her nose at her. Manuela says she has to look down her nose because Gamble is
beneath her shorter than her. A viewer asks why she feels Manuela (what an unforturnate name by the way) is aggressive toward her. Gamble says that she believes that Manuela feels she stole her spot on the show. Manuela is stalking the show according to Gamble. Banter happens with Gamble and Janet. Gamble calls Manuela a piece of shit. Manuela says she doesn’t care what Gamble thinks about her. She starts in very briefly and then Gamble deliver’s the line of the reunion, ” Your pussy is too dry to ride me this hard, Manuela.” Game. Set. Match. Gamble. Manuela, you may be seated. Janet turns to Chyka and asks, “What does that mean?” And Chyka says she will explain it later.
Finally some focus on Gina, the star of the show! The montage has to do with Lydia being separated from her husband. And he talk about Janet flirting with Rick. And Gamble’s make-up artist perhaps working in a porn industry. Gina maintains that every rumor she has taken directly to the person involved. Which is true. Janet is interrupting Gina’s segment by saying over Gina talks over everyone. WTF? Janet is interrupting Gina’s segment. Gina has not done that to any of the other ladies. Gina asks Lydia if several other people have not asked her if she and Andrew had broken up. Jackie is giving Gina shit for asking Lydia if she is still with her husband. It was all over the tabloids that they had broken up. I’m still not sure if they are together or not. Why is Gina getting shit for asking Lydia directly? Janet rightly says that she did the exact thing with Gamble. Janet does a giant slide off the couch maneuver which was kind of funny.
The final question is a round of what have you learned. Jackie goes first and says at the beginning of the evening (heh shout out wish I could remember who said that) we will always be in each others lives somehow and need to learn to move forward. Chyka says, something about how to bring up conversations and how she would do it differently. Janet says she regrets telling Gamble the rumor and she had some major bad hair this season. Gina says that perhaps her humor can get her in trouble. Lydia says her biggest regret is not supporting Janet and she has made a new friend with Pettifleur. Pettifleur says she is not 100% comfortable with who her friends all. She wants another chance. Gamble says despite all the drama she loved working with all the girls.
Then Alex, shows a great clip of how the women all had to do the dog race with a glass of champagne. It was AWESOME. Lydia won. And I don’t give fuck what y’all say I love Lydia. If I was forced to live with any housewife it would probably be her. At least I would have good cheese.
I loved the outtakes. At one point Gamble says, “Is this really going to be good TV or is this crap?” And Gina replies, “This is how it rolls.”
I hate that Americans refuse to watch this show. I love it.